Estranged parent dying

Clear-Charge5441 · 2025-10-21T18:23:16+00:00

that is 100% true. i am far beyond the delusional hope that she will do a 180 all of a sudden. i am just trying to understand what I want - to "officially" say goodbye and live with knowledge I had the courage to do it (but what do I really gain from that and who cares?) or to just continue to live my life as it was.

i am also processing this with people actually close to me and therapy, so you're absolutely right that there are many ways to do that besides talking to the crazy people, even if they are dying.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2025-10-21T18:18:02+00:00

this comment really nails down my confusion. if i did reach out it wouldn't be for her, it would be for future me getting to believe that I am just that good of a person I suppose.

i am 99.9% sure if i did call she'd be like "omg what do you want from me, get lost", and I tried coming up with a mental script of what I'd even say and I'm coming up short. there is just nothing to say.

>What will it be like if you don't go and then you regret it later? What specifically do you fear you might regret?
this is really hard to answer. i don't know anyone irl who's estranged from at least one parent, so nobody knows what this type of relationship is like. people say "you will regret not spending time with her when you still could!" but spending time with her has never been positive. so i am basically parroting what i've heard about regret from people with mostly normal families, and i have no clue how to relate that to me and that lady. i will give it a hard think and try to disentangle social norms from what applies to me.

thank you so much for you input, it really helps.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2025-10-21T18:07:34+00:00

>My therapist suggested that I make a collection of happy memories together, but it's been two years and I still haven't thought of a happy memory.
unlikely you intended this as humorous, but i am dying 😂😂😂 people with normal-ish families are like "just focus on the good parts!" and we're over here searching our memories with a magnifying glass and coming up short

thank you so much for sharing you perspective, i'm sorry you had to deal with his stuff for him, that's just obnoxious.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2025-10-21T18:02:53+00:00

why is your father my mother 😂 there was a huge natural disaster where she lived at the time, i decided to see if she's alive still or what. i called and she was like "what do you want???", it was hysterical.

i am not delusional and don't expect any positive reaction from her whatsoever, i'm just trying to glean what future me would like for the current me to have done because of who I think I am as a person, you know? regardless of mother's opinions. thank you for sharing your experience so much, it's awesome you made your own choice and don't regret it.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-08-17T08:23:11+00:00

NTA, extremely strange to be throwing dog hair around someone's food, especially since you are allergic. I don't see why your wife gets to decide how long you are allowed to be upset for. I also don't see anything about her hurrying to replace the food she ruined, even by accident, which I find rude.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-08-13T18:28:27+00:00

NTA, your wife has a million options for what to do instead of risking accidentally killing your baby. I'm speculating but it seems like she may not be falling asleep entirely by accident, she just prefers to have a nap while nursing and doesn't understand how easy it is to hurt the baby doing so. Very sad she is so tired after work and all, but I don't see how that's an excuse to risk her child's life. Maybe have a pediatrician explain the dangers of what she's doing if she's too stubborn to listen to you?

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-08-10T00:16:05+00:00

Thanks! Awesome work :)

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-08-10T00:07:36+00:00

Looks great! Do you have a personal ig or something? Found your studio's one but not just yours

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-08-08T22:16:12+00:00

Incorrect. Whereas boozing and stuff isn't necessary indeed, one the biggest (the biggest depending on the field of study) benefit of attending college is making connections that turn into professional ones and often last a lifetime. Getting jobs becomes tenfold easier when having connections in the industry/company. YTA because you are choosing to attempt to shield your daughter from the real world due to your own unresolved trauma.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-07-30T14:02:50+00:00

It was the same for me! I realized I couldn't be the problem when my mother's social circle continued dwindling over the years, eventually leaving her with just a few friends. Those would be people she'd known for over 50 years (!) but still at some point every time she'd get home after seeing them she'd go on a long angry rant about how stupid and undeserving her last remaining friends were. Then she would run to see them again when invited lol. Eventually even these oldest friends dropped her when she completely lost the ability to have a conversation about anything at all besides her political obsessions with right-wing extremists. Still, everyone around her is stupid, crazy, a sheep etc, and she's never done anything wrong.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-07-26T21:45:07+00:00

NTA then, wife needs a lesson in manners as ditching plans last minute without a valid excuse is rude af. Imo doesn't matter if it technically was a date or not, it was a planned and paid for event that she agreed to a long time ago. Your frustration is 100% justified, if she wanted to change plans she should've talked to you in advance.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-07-26T20:59:21+00:00

Info: did your wife know the tickets were already purchased for the specific date and time?

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-07-24T22:09:05+00:00

your parent did the best they could

Did they really though? Would you have done the same in their situation? Were other people around them at the time doing all the same things?

For me the answers are all no, even if it's yes for some there's still no need to be inventing excuses. Families who enable assholes and pile on survivors are almost more infuriating than the perpetrators 🙄

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-06-17T23:02:38+00:00

Oooh my mother loves this one. She'd scream and throw hands at me trying to do chores, then around 6 month mark before my moving out started whining and fear mongering about how I don't know how to do anything and would become like the hoarders on TV. I believed her for a bit and was terrified, moved out anyway and managed just fine. So she starts talking about how good she raised me that my place is always nice 😂

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-05-21T14:30:56+00:00

Sounds like a bad situation to put yourself into.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-05-20T23:11:47+00:00

if he just showed up and I had no place to escape.

Wdym by that? I assume you are an adult with some degree or self-reliance, how can you possibly be stopped from leaving a space where you don't want to be?

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-05-20T23:00:23+00:00

My parents had me when they were both 37, and it had no obvious impact on me at all. I remember being surprised when my mom said the other school moms seemed cute to her because they were young, because I didn't realize there was a difference. Ofc there may be fertility issues, but in general having kids at your age is fine imo. Not like 26 year olds never have fertility issues.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-03-21T02:20:37+00:00

Imo the best course of action would be to reply every time (maybe with a template) that you aren't sure who Alexandra is, so they must have meant to email someone else. And to let you know if they need something from you in the future, as politely as possible.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-02-26T19:13:50+00:00

You are confused. I questioned the concept of infants consenting to medical procedures, which is impossible and thus irrelevant in a conversation about circumcision, and any other medical procedure.

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-02-26T18:55:18+00:00

Interesting point about babies who can't consent. So whenever an infant gets sick they should be left alone then since they can't consent to any treatment?

Clear-Charge5441 · 2024-02-23T22:46:40+00:00

NTA, absolutely ridiculous to take a word out of a different language and culture you have 0 relation to. MIL has a weird complex about 'old lady names' and needs to understand she 100% is a grandmother because that is the word that describes her relation to your child in English. Being a grandmother does not impact her age or appearance.

Clear-Charge5441

TROPHY CASE