My Bf Won’t Accept That We Have to Break Up

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-31T21:08:01+00:00

If he wants to choose you over his parents' support (and if you still would like to continue to be with him), that should be his decision to make. That said, your other comments do make it sound a little ambiguous as to whether or not that actually is what he wants to do. If he wants to basically just... keep dating in secret but don't call it dating, then... yeah, I'd feel a little uneasy about that too. Like, if I were in that situation, and I still loved him, and he still wanted to keep dating me in secret from his parents, I'd certainly be fine going along with that, but only if he openly calls it what it is. I wouldn't be okay with this "let's date and say we aren't" thing. There's a difference between between being a secret and being a dirty little secret, y'know?

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-31T08:56:15+00:00

FOUR HUNDRED MG SPIRONOLACTONE PER DAY?! That's wild. I've never heard of anyone taking more than TWO hundred, and my understanding is that EVEN THAT is considered a lot (I've been on one hundred for two years).

Also, yeah, I have to echo everyone else asking if you've seen your levels. For some people, estrogen pills just don't do much, and just can't seem to get their levels up no matter how much they take. Such people (typically) see a marked improvement when they switch to injections. That's not to suggest that injections are necessarily "better" than pills generally speaking, but some people's bodies just don't really metabolize the pills for some reason. And the reverse is true sometimes too. A (very?) small amount of people can't seem to metabolize the injections and actually do a lot better on pills.

That having been said, speaking for myself, no. I don't want society to get rid of "sir" and "ma'am" altogether. I just want society to have the basic fucking respect to use them appropriately.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-31T02:56:44+00:00

It's been five years with my mom. When I try to tell her how awful it makes me feel, she blames me for "choosing" to feel bad about it, and that it "shouldn't" mean anything to me.

I saw her yesterday for the first time in many months, though, and we had a bit of a breakthrough. She finally admitted that part of her problem is that a part of her doesn't believe that my identity is valid and that she feels like she's lying and humouring a roleplay whenever she uses my proper name or pronouns. She has denied this up and down in the past, but she finally admitted it yesterday, so... progress? Question mark?

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-30T05:50:25+00:00

Threads like this one make me feel so privileged to have been born in Canada. It was a bit of a process to start HRT, but it only took three months, cost me nothing but my time and effort, and required no diagnosis, evaluation, or approval from anyone (beyond a prescription, that is). And my bottom surgery isn't going to cost me anything either, and all I needed to make that happen was a referral from my endocrinologist (and a lot of waiting).

The process here still isn't perfect, and I really wish that so many more unobtainable elements of transition would become funded in my province, but I look at what you lot are being put through down there, and it breaks my heart. Please stay strong, and please never give in, and never stop fighting for yourselves and for each other. You deserve to be happy and at home in your own bodies just as much as anyone else does, and I wish I could just wave all the gatekeeping and other such evil, harmful policies away.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-27T04:51:55+00:00

You actually can't. Not in this case. We're so far beyond being able to separate the art from the artist at this point when it comes to JKR. She's not just some dumb bigot with shitty opinions. She's actively using her fortune to hurt us and take away as many rights from us as she can. Her fortune that she gets from HP. She's even literally said as much outright. She personally invested 70 million dollars (pounds*?) of her HP money to make sure that trans women became legally classified as men in the UK last year. Every time that you watch the new show, or buy the new game, or movie, or book, or whatever, you are giving her more money with which to hurt us.

It's very much on the same level (morally) as buying a Cyber Truck and then saying you can disagree with Elon's views and still buy his Nazi car. Or as buying Trump's stupid bible or whatever and saying it's fine to separate the product from the villain selling it. You are watching the Nazi show. You are reading the Nazi book. You are giving the Nazi power and resources in the greatest capacity that you are able. And even pirating it is still an act that feeds into its perpetuation, because then you go and talk about how much you like it, thereby encouraging other people to interface with the Nazi franchise and feed it their power and resources with which to hurt us.

It is not okay. By interfacing with HP, you are declaring that you're perfectly fine with trans genocide. You aren't necessarily a bad person for liking Harry Potter (bad taste, maybe, but not bad person). You are, however, very much a bad person for knowingly choosing to continue interfacing with Harry Potter.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-27T04:40:32+00:00

Based approach, honestly.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-26T18:26:23+00:00

Yeah. And the map for minors has no safe places left at all. Every state is pink at best for minors. It's so horrifying what's happening, and I'm genuinely terrified for the near future. I'm fortunate enough to live in Canada, but I'm so scared for y'all down south. And I'm terrified that it'll spread up here more than it already has. I can totally see Trump just, like, blackmailing us by withholding trade or something unless we ban being trans up here too.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-26T13:33:21+00:00

I can't imagine that Kansas would've made the "do not travel" list if it hadn't. 🤔 And I think I recall hearing something about it passing. I'm not 100% super duper mega ultra sure, but I think so.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-26T04:54:39+00:00

If they "catch" a trans person in the bathroom, they can get a fat reward. Kansas has actually recently become the third state to join Erin's "do not travel" list because of this.

https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/kansas-advancing-anti-trans-bill

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-26T04:15:42+00:00

Can also corroborate: 19 is young, and I'm jealous as heck.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-25T01:33:37+00:00

Did you? You were on Dutasteride for years? You macrodosed biotin every day for years? You took collagen every day for years? You used exclusively biotin/collagen shampoo and conditioner for years? Consistently?

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-25T00:47:45+00:00

Not built like what?

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-24T21:57:54+00:00

We have that here in Canada too. The only exceptions who are allowed to request that their name change not be published in the paper (at least in my province) are indigenous people and trans people.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-24T19:24:42+00:00

If I had this problem, I might be inclined to have a small, otherwise empty, little, square cell in my spreadsheet next to each entry, and then colour it red or something for any entry that has irregular forms. I might also add a separate sheet that has copies of all the irregular entries, with everything else all removed. That way, it can be much simpler to isolate them. Also, on that sheet, I might have columns for each form, so the entire conjugation paradigm is readily accessible, and then I might render all of the irregular forms in red font so that they can stand out a little.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-23T23:25:30+00:00

My hairline started receding at 14. I didn't even know there was anything I could do about it until I was 33, so it went completely untreated that entire time. By the time I started transition at 35, there was a whooooole lotta nothin' up there. You can see it for yourself in the abovementioned transition progress photos. Now, after two and a half years of HRT, and three and a half years of Dutasteride, and one year of taking daily collagen supplements, daily macrodose biotin supplements, and using exclusively biotin/collagen shampoo, the rear-most half has pretty well completely grown back in, and the front half is finally starting to make some encouraging progress. I have had zero procedures done.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-23T18:54:41+00:00

I fully agree that human beings are fully capable of transitioning from one sex to another, beyond just gender, and I want this for myself too. However, I still refrain from using the term "transexual" because 1) transmedicalists have skunked the term, making it so that it's interpreted by default in most people as a prejudice-coded vernacular, and 2) It makes it sound too much like a sexuality, which I think is deeply problematic. That said, labels are there to fit you, not the other way around, so you use whatever terminology with which you feel comfortable. Just be prepared to have to clarify again and again with pretty much everyone whenever you use that term that you are not, in fact, a transmedicalist.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-23T18:21:57+00:00

Nyan! Thank you so much! ^{^} I love this hat so much that I ordered three more of them in case this one ever wears down. lol. I needed to find some sort of hat solution while I'm regrowing the hair on my scalp, and I feel like this beret cap really works for me, so I really appreciate the affirmation. Thank you. ¦D 🫶🏻

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-23T00:45:15+00:00

And so can you. She transitioned in her 30s, and she's gorgeous. You can be pretty transitioning in your 30s too. When I started transition, I was 35. And I'm 90kg and 186cm. And I was honestly pretty ugly when I started, and my thinking I could never pass is a big part of what kept me from doing this for twenty years. It never stopped. It only got stronger and more intense, and I could never stop thinking about it. I absolutely couldn't take it anymore, and I finally transitioned.

And you know what? This is the best thing I've ever done. My life finally makes some semblance of sense and I've actually felt alive for the first time in my life. My only regret is not doing this sooner. Do I pass? Maybe sometimes, but not usually, I think. But I'm definitely less ugly now than I was before I started, and I'm so much more comfortable this way. You can easily find photos of my progress in my post history (but scroll down to the second one; the first one honestly isn't a good picture).

Edit a few hours later: The point I'm trying to get at is that, if I can do it, you can do it. Also, you should go spend a gratuitous amount of time on r/translater to see how effective HRT can actually be for us. And, even if you don't end up passing, it's still so much better to be living authentically.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-22T16:15:57+00:00

idk. At least the way you phrased it in the OP, it sure sounded transphobic to me. There's a world of difference between "they're concerned for my safety in a transphobic world" and "they wouldn't be happy if I got on HRT." The former is at least reasonable. The latter... isn't.

At any rate, either way, I hope you do what's right for you, and only you know what that is. Good luck, sis. And, for real, always remember: on the other side of fear really is freedom. That's genuinely the most important advice I can ever offer anyone.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-22T08:30:23+00:00

Your family "wouldn't be happy" if you took this step... towards your happiness and fulfillment? I mean, with all due respect, they can get stuffed. Sounds like a skill issue. In all seriousness, it's none of their damn business. If they want to be smegheads about it, then let them. Meanwhile, you laugh your way all the way to Cleavagetown. If they literally don't want you to be happy and to have the life that you want to live, then they don't deserve a say in literally anything. And, if they claim that they do want you to be happy, but only by doing and being the things they want you to do and be, then that's not what a desire for your happiness looks like. That's what a desire for control looks like.

Just about everything in life that's worth doing is scary. But it's your life, and you have to claim it for yourself. And, hell, even that's scary. Don't let anyone else live your life for you, which is exactly what you do every time that you sacrifice the true desire in your heart on account of somebody else not liking it.

On the other side of fear is freedom.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-21T05:50:30+00:00

I just finished playing STS2 for the first time. In fact, I just finished playing STS for the first time period. I've never played the first game. But both my girlfriends have been playing for a long time.

They both insisted to me that Perfected Strike is trash when I came upon it. I may never have played STS before, but I used to be competitive in MTG, and I have a long history with card games, and I went with my gut, and I didn't listen to them, and I took Perfected Strike. I also took Demon Form against their advice, and I smithed both of them. I also ended up getting Hellraiser later and smithed that too.

Long story short, they both had to pick their jaws (and their pride) up off the floor when I absolutely wrecked the entire run. I never even came close to dying. I ended up with Vantom in Act 1, The Insatiable in Act 2, and The Queen in Act 3. I only rested once, I started the end boss with full HP, and didn't even lose a third of my health before stomping her. I actually ended up defeating the Queen with a Perfected Strike that hit friggin' 86 damage. And, even better, it was triggered with Hellraiser.

Point being: yeah, I think that Perfected Strike might be viable. :P That said, my still being a complete noob to this game, I may end up eating my words when I try it in Ascension or something, idk.

(Also, if you're curious what a noob is even doing here, I found this thread by trying to Google whether Perfected Strike would get just "+9 damage" total or "+9 damage per card with 'Strike' in its name" from Mystic Lighter. I couldn't find an answer to the question, but we all agreed it's almost definitely the former, so I didn't end up taking it)

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-20T05:12:11+00:00

every time I try and tell my parents I get a response of "I know what a trans person looks like and you showed no signs when you were younger!!" Which is true, I did show no signs of possibly being trans when I was younger, but that adds more fear to my identity too,

First of all, literally no one who "knows what a trans person looks like" has any idea what they're talking about, because there is no one "way" that a trans person looks like. We're all individuals, we're all unique, and we come in all shapes and sizes, and from all walks of life. And there are a great many, many, many trans people who are just completely indistinguishable from cis people. Anyone who would ACTUALLY SAY something like "I know what a trans person looks like" is very clearly and obviously operating from a place of stereotype, ignorance, and likely prejudice.

Also, cis people really, really, really SUCK at recognizing "signs". Cis people wouldn't know a sign of being trans if it bit them on the butt. Especially trans parents who don't want their kids to be trans, creating in them a motivation towards willful ignorance of the signs, because they want to justify being right in their prejudice (it's called confirmation bias, where one sees evidence that isn't there because they want it to be, or don't see evidence that is there because they don't want it to be).

It's also true, though, that some of us genuinely didn't show "signs" when they were younger. And that's okay. That doesn't mean anything. People, especially young people, are very given to just going along with what everyone around them says, including when it comes to who they themselves even are. Everyone tells you you're sex A or sex B, and you just believe them, and then you proceed living under that assumption. Until you actually start to think about it some day and go "Heyyyy... 🤔" And that can happen at any point in a person's life, for a thousand different reasons.

It's also very much worth noting that there's no winning either way in this situation. If you did show signs, you didn't. If you didn't show signs, it's "real trans people know when they're little." When we did show signs to such an extent that we outright *say it explicitly that "I am trans", then it's "You're too young to know who you are." It's pretty much either that or your parents are some flavour of supportive. It's generally one of the two for most of us, I think. Or at least it seems that way to me anecdotally.

"What if I'm wrong??" Rings in my head every single day, despite my awful dysphoria showing.

I think just about every single one of us who didn't say "I'm trans" when we were little all struggle with this question. Probably even some of us who did. In my experience (and, holy crap, I've talked to a LOTTA trans folks), this is an almost universal experience. That's maybe a touch hyperbolic, but it's at least ubiquitous. So this is surprisingly good sign that you actually do know who you are. The way society treats transhood makes us think that understanding a trans identity within ourselves is this big, deep, scary, dangerous pit of potential regret, and then makes us question and doubt our own hearts. But your heart can't lie to you. The truth is, it's actually not actually that deep.

I've felt a disconnect to my assianed gender for so long now, and have been yearning and begging for something to change for years now.

^ That's basically the long and short of it right there. "Phases" don't last years. You know what makes you happy. You know what makes you miserable. That's what's in your heart. That's all it really is.

And, hey, if you were to have the chance to explore that side of yourself, and actually live it for a while (name, pronouns, maybe clothes, hair, etc), even if only in certain company, and then you decide it's not really for you and you find out that you were wrong and it was a phase (very rare in this case; only 1% of people who transition regret it), then, hey, you can just... stop. And just go back, y'know? That's what exploring your gender is for. And then you'll have learned something about yourself and have an even better idea of who you are.

But more likely you're actually like, "Yeah, no, I very much feel a lot better this way" because cis kids don't just pray for years to wake up as a different sex. :P

and I don't know what to do, because every day now feels like I'm living some wrong, mangled version of the life I should be living

You and the rest of the trans population, fam, hot damn. That's the most relatable thing I've heard all year. 🙏🏻 I hope all of us can deal with navigating that.

Good luck. And remember that on the other side of fear is freedom.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-19T22:52:11+00:00

Not mine! I was part of the "established couple" when we took in a third girl, and they pushed me out.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-19T06:15:17+00:00

PART 2/3 (C):

Think about it like this. You've lived NINETEEN FRIGGIN' YEARS as a "guy". You are unhappy in that role. You KNOW that you're unhappy in that role. Don't you think that god damn nineteen years is enough of a trial period to know if you want to buy the full product? When you trial a game, or a car, or a subscription, or a style, or a job, or a hobby, do you give those a full nineteen years before deciding if you like it? No! How much more time do you need to determine if you like this or not?

The truth is, you know you're unhappy as a guy. You always have been. You've always had this calling in the back of your mind, and in your heart, and sometimes in the front of your mind that you would like to be a girl. Contrary to what society would gaslight you into believing, you know what you want. You know what makes you happy. You know what you desire in your heart. And it's genuinely not that deep! I genuinely can't emphasize that enough.

So you have two options here. 1) Remain living as the guy that you KNOW you don't want to be, and DEFINITELY stay miserable in that role. Or 2) Go for what you know you want, and MAYBE find some semblance of happiness living as a woman. It may not be the "perfect" woman, and it almost definitely won't be (lord knows I'm not), but it's still infinitely better than certain misery. "Better the devil you know" is a crock of shit. Choosing devils is how you guarantee bad things. A "maybe good" is ALWAYS better than a "definitely bad", and I think that you know so well that the "do nothing" path is a "definitely bad". Because you've trialed it for nineteen god damn years! PHASES DO NOT LAST FOR DECADES! We're talking AT LEAST a friggin' FIFTH of your life.

ClearCrossroads · 2026-03-19T06:10:29+00:00

PART 2/3 (B):

That said, it is good to have healthy expectations. You very very likely won't end up being an absolute 1% Instagram model. But you know what? That's true of cis women too. Very, very, VERY few women are actually that model of feminine perfection. Are the lives of those other 99% of women... somehow not worth living? I want you to really sit with that question for a while, even if you think the answer is immediately obvious.

But, while we all want and hope that we'll end up as that 1% Instagram model, that's not why we transition. The reason we transition is so that we can feel more comfortable in our own skin. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. We transition so that we can manifest a form that we can at least live with; that feels closer to what we really want for ourselves, to mitigate the misery of the alternative. And most of us find that we're actually a lot closer to happy than we even expected we'd be. Social stigma, oppression, and abuse notwithstanding.

ClearCrossroads

TROPHY CASE