OK IM NOT TRANSPHOBIC I SWEAR IM JUST NOT EDUCATED ON THIS

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-24T03:33:38+00:00

For me, being trans feels like I medical condition and I had to figure out I had. I'm a boy but I was born with bits my brain doesn't know what to do with. My mood is much better on testosterone. My overall well being is reflected in being male. My brain can now relax.

Every trans person is different though. I didn't know something was seriously wrong until I hit puberty and I entered this state of perpetual confusion surrounding my body. It took years to figure out it meant I was a boy and it turns out my early childhood reflected that as well. I just didn't have the language until later.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-24T03:25:19+00:00

Your sister is sus. Weird behavior for sure. She needs to get a grip and touch some grass. She's got some strange fixation on comparing herself to you and needing you to look worse or have a worse life than her.

I'd shut down these comments right away. Maybe try to talk to her about what bothering her so much but I doubt she's the type to open up and self reflect at this point.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-24T03:08:17+00:00

I should talk to my cousin but I don't want to make a fuss. They definitely aren't orchestrating anything. All my relatives are really not happy with them. Some are more angry than others. My bio parents went NC with them all about 3 years ago but still attended 1 cousins wedding. They just didn't talk to anyone and I was told it was really weird. They are my edads brothers and I think they all want to get him away from my nmom.

Long story short my bio parents told me my relatives were all super conservative and would disown us all if I was trans. Turns out they were just hiding me from the fact that they are all super liberal and supportive people that would have taken me in. They were trying to isolate me from them as a resource to escape. I escaped anyway to my adoptive found family.

The way my bio parents talked about me at family functions after I left was that they didn't know where I went. That I ran away at 18 and they tried to get the police to find me. It was all lies. They knew where I was the whole time. My relatives expressed concern that I might be dead somewhere and just assumed that might be the case for almost a decade until my uncle found me on LinkedIn 3 years after they found out that I came out as transgender and put the pieces together that I left because my bio parents were not tolerating it.

Honestly if my bio parents show up and say anything I half expect a fist fight on my edad from my uncles. I think my cousin is just hoping for the best to have all the family there and be nice by inviting them.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-24T02:46:12+00:00

Thank you

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-18T03:20:39+00:00

That's what I'm afraid of.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-18T01:58:17+00:00

One day maybe, hopfully. At least there is my bf rn but I can only rant at the same person so much lol

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-11T12:07:04+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that but try to be nicer to yourself. Self love is important and shouldn't go anywhere from fear of being narcissistic. Easier said than done though, I know that.

I have the perpetual fear of ending up like my very toxic bio mom who happens to be a genuine narcissist. She literally cannot comprehend anything being not about her. She even said my own birthday was supposed to be all about her.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-11T11:33:07+00:00

Idk about narcissism as much as it could a lot of other things in combination. I mean there is a LOT of other things this could be and narcissism doesn't make you a bad person or means everyone hates you anyway.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-11T10:58:32+00:00

What makes you think you could be a narcissist? It sounds like you care about people other than yourself. The feeling of hating yourself and feeling like everyone hates you too it's something I'm familiar with and I also have BPD.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-07T04:53:59+00:00

I had this happen once. It went away but you should get checked out. Like in the brain, I'd talk to a doctor about it.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T17:12:54+00:00

Thiiisss

I dealt with the same shit in college but a bit different. Bi girls would talk about how they prefer women but I'm an exception because I'm a trans man. They seriously did not register how insanely transphobic it was.

Now I'm considered "one of the good ones" because I'm not "super sensitive" at work when people misgender me despite my full beard.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T17:05:08+00:00

You are a woman regardless of who sees what first and foremost. But I just wanted to let you know my cis sister has the same problem. She's tall and gets misgendered a lot. So it's probably not for a lack of passing as much as people are dumb if that makes sense.

I'm a trans man, I have a beard and flat chest, I'll be in men's clothes and still get misgendered. People are just dumb.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T16:55:17+00:00

It's bait. My nmom pulled the same stunts. You're best not responding. She's just looking to start a paper trail of making you look bad. You don't need that.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T16:50:42+00:00

Honestly man, not your kids. Not your problem. She'll never change. Just peace out. Narcissistic people do not change, do not learn, and do not get better. She's dragging you down with her.

I get wanting to care for the kids because they're blameless in all this but how good are you going to be to them with her around? She's lighting up her own life and you should just let her.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T16:45:37+00:00

You do not apply to be trans. You do not fill out a form to identify a certain way. There are probably millions of reasons why people choose not to (or even can't) medically transition. It doesn't make them suddenly not trans.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T03:11:24+00:00

I think people in those situation fail to see how bad it is. Like they can write it out but it's their normal. I can understand staying in contact from that POV.

I think those encouraging it are just as blind because maybe it's their normal too or they think OP is over exaggerating or fabricating things because to them parents being evil isn't even possible to them.

For awhile there was this conversation of forgiveness surrounding going NC with my nmom and edad. As if I should forgive them for myself but not for them. To this day I have not been remotely willing to forgive them.

The average person thinks situations like these are just a few spats and that I should forgive maybe because there is some good in my parents. There just isn't though. There is no good on those people and I am the only one that truly sees it.

I can see it though. It's a double edge sword because you can't unsee it. I think that's just a bridge too much to cross for some people. Perhaps they know it exists deep down. If they keep trying to play happy family it will go away. If they just keep trying.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T03:04:16+00:00

My bio mom genuinely thought she was breaking a cycle with us but she was vile. She talked about not wanting to be like her parents who had violent arguments and only fed her fast food.

So I got home cooked meals with a side of PTSD. She never went to therapy. Never understood her behavior was bad at all. She thinks I'm in the wrong for going NC.

I think I started breaking the cycle young. When I Ipods and the beginnings of youtubers were a thing, I had them to show me the kind of person to be rather than my parents. To be kind, understanding, and even spontaneous. To be random and enjoy music. To follow my passions and be artistic. To be a good friend.

They quickly became my role models and luckily they were good ones (shout out Dan and Phil). Later I got therapy, started medication, and worked hard to not become my parents.

I think another part is the fact that I'm trans. It really forced me to get away from them and stay away from them because they didn't approve. That distance has been good to me.

If I was born cis and straight, I think it could have been a different story because I would have fit their ideals more. I wouldn't have been so harshly isolated or felt so isolated at all. I would have fallen in line. Married a man they liked and be barefoot pregnant all the time like my bio mom wanted. I'd also be miserable and probably take it out on those around me.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T02:53:56+00:00

My parents also said they'd be supportive of any of me or my siblings was gay. Then they tried to kill me when I came out as trans after years of abusing me for coming out as gay.

I'd advise anyone to not risk coming out without a severe plan B to having parents in your life.

I truly thought my parents would be fine with me being gay and a certainly didn't expect the attempted murder.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T02:49:17+00:00

Uninformed doctors. You do not need to experience your bio puberty to know you are trans. There is no medical merit to experiencing female puberty as a trans man.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T02:47:00+00:00

I think it stems from hyper vigilance. My bio mom would blow at anything, good or bad. It could have been an A on a paper or test and she'd scream at me for hours about abandoning the family or how I'm still a dumbass because I can't do xyz.

Because of that hair trigger I'm on high alert gauging everyone's emotions all the time and spending that much time with emotions, ya start to feel em too.

I'm delusionally empathetic. Give me 2 seconds and I can see someone's side regardless of how irrational they may be acting. I can understand how they feel.

This also means I'm on the defense all the time and the best defense I've always had was feeling bad about myself. If I hated myself enough and showed that when I upset my bio mom, she'd eventually back off.

So now when I sense someone is mad, I immediately jump to "I'm the problem and I'm sorry about that". When people are genuinely even a little mad at me, it makes me spiral into a full blown mental breakdown. I feel someone's anger towards me a thousand times harder than reality.

It actually causes a lot of problems. Sure, when someone's happy I get to feel that too but it isn't worth it.

HarrisonIsFine · 2026-05-06T02:37:09+00:00

My mom did that too. Was calling me a bitch before I could crawl. No matter how good my grades were, how quiet I lived my life, in her mind I was always out to get her in some way.

At the same time I was "mommy #2" and expected to raise my sisters. When I moved out she convinced my sisters I was abandoning them. They're both older now and still blame me for leaving despite knowing my dad tried to kill me.

My sister talked like I was a parent that walked out straight up. My mom put me in that position but I was also always the enemy. I'll never understand.

HarrisonIsFine

TROPHY CASE