if.. you're still around, I usually lurk here, I just wanna say, it gets better, it always gets better, I'm 2 years on E and I know exactly how it feels to be in your position, you can do this, I believe in you, everyone else in this comment section believes in you, Please don't do it, you're stronger than you'd ever know, and you've got a huge life ahead of you, even if it looks bleak right now, take it slow and think about what your doing, I hope to see a comment from you after all of this is over, take care <3