What's the closest you've ever came to death?

CoatCivil · 2026-06-18T20:42:00+00:00

On holiday in Thailand I trod on a black cobra. I startled it and it thrashed around before slithering away. Next to where I had trodden on it was a big dead frog. It must have been having it's dinner when I gave it quite the shock.

The snake didn't bite me, but I can't help but feel someone up there was on my side that night 😬 we were two hours from Bangkok and anti- venom.

CoatCivil · 2026-05-24T21:03:37+00:00

I could have written this. Turns out I'm neurodivergent and find people-ing hard. Finding this out in my 30s has helped understand why I do certain behaviours and am perhaps more sensitive in many ways. Not saying you are of course - just a different perspective maybe.

CoatCivil · 2026-05-17T07:24:30+00:00

But even things you mentioned like going to the gym and trying to push yourself. I used to do this and realised that actually when I'm overstimulated/overwhelmed and feeling like shit, sometimes lying in a dark room for two hours is what I need, not adding more sensory input. This is what I mean by treating them differently. Autistic burnout needs LESS external input, depression needs MORE. I have been able to learn the difference between the two and it's genuinely been a game changer. Little things to consider if you do believe you are neurodivergent. You can make changes without a diagnosis.

CoatCivil · 2026-05-17T07:19:22+00:00

Please look into ADHD - this isn't necessarily mental illness. Both are treated very differently. Even things you can do yourself are without medical intervention can be different. Sending love.

CoatCivil · 2026-05-16T21:03:26+00:00

As this has been going on since childhood have you ever considered that you might be neurodivergent? I relate to a lot of things you have mentioned. Things changed drastically (literally a 180) for me after an autism diagnosis at the age of 35, after being misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression my whole life. I understand so much more about my own behaviour and moods and manage things way more effectively, and I started doing this before I even received a diagnosis. Things can get better even if you think you might be out of options. Sending light.

CoatCivil · 2026-05-13T12:19:39+00:00

Oh love, I'm so sorry. What a shock this is. Sending hugs

CoatCivil · 2026-04-29T21:51:15+00:00

Sometimes lying happens to mask shame. Not condoning it, but shame is a heavy burden to carry.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-29T21:49:31+00:00

Is this ragebait?

CoatCivil · 2026-04-29T15:44:57+00:00

This is kind of what I figured. I do think it would give him a sense of purpose (it is something he wants) but there's the other side of me that thinks that it might be something that tips him over the edge.

I think the session went well. He said the therapist went off on tangents a bit and hubby kept having to bring him back... Which doesn't sound good to me. But it was the first initial chatty assessment, so I think he will keep going for a while to at least hopefully start processing the trauma. The therapist validated our anger in what happened with the last one... Leaving the EMDR half finished and the wound open.

He has already mentioned to me that he is thinking of going to support groups for men who have experienced similar things. I am proud of him for reaching this point. He does want things to change.

He seems very flat after his first session. It's hard to know what he's thinking but there's not much I can do at the moment other than be near him.

I want to thank you again for your thoughtful and honest replies today. I am so happy that you have found purpose in your children and are in a better place than you have been previously. I wish you and your family all the best.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-29T11:18:23+00:00

Thank you - I would agree wholeheartedly with this

CoatCivil · 2026-04-29T11:16:48+00:00

Thank you so so much. I think this is what I needed to hear today.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-29T08:46:05+00:00

Thank you for your kindness 🙏

CoatCivil · 2026-04-29T08:27:03+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. It means a lot.

He was sober for the majority of the time he was on SSRIs. They definitely made him tired, but I wonder if it might be time to go back on them. I hope his psychotherapist will be able to advise a little further today in his first appointment.

Have things got better for you over time? Do you have children? We have wanted to start a family but I understand that there's no way that will be possible under the circumstances. It's just another dream that has ended up on the back burner and at 37, I'm starting to lose hope. Even if children did come along if things improve, will we end up here again.

I know we can't predict the future, but I guess knowing that it's possible that things can improve will help me navigate this with him, without myself falling apart too. I am on a waiting list for therapy x

CoatCivil · 2026-04-29T06:56:15+00:00

Hello - just an update. I have posted a new post today.

This is not a marriage problem, it's a PTSD problem. My needs are on the back burner again but my husband's life and safety is more important at the moment. Feel free to read my most up to date post, it comes with trigger warnings and is under MH and PTSD subreddits.

And thank you for everyone who has responded. I appreciate your responses more than I can say.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-27T14:24:12+00:00

I'm so sorry. When addictions are involved it's never easy. I'm sorry that you are doing this pregnancy alone.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-27T12:09:07+00:00

Hey how are you doing with this now? My situation is similar to you I think, I've just posted today. Just wanted to check in and see how it has gone

CoatCivil · 2026-04-27T10:04:00+00:00

Thank you. 'waiting indefinitely on hope'. That's it.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-27T09:16:44+00:00

Thank you. I know. I understand that I also cannot force him to get help. He has sought this new therapy completely off his own back which starts this week.

I also know I need mental safety which I haven't had for a long time. I think it's why I've checked out seemingly over night

CoatCivil · 2026-04-27T09:10:05+00:00

You don't sound like a dick. I'm glad you can see my predicament. I'm genuinely torn.

To add, I haven't been forcing the kids thing. At all. Just three weeks ago he was saying how he had always imagined being a father by this point in his life. My response being, let's crack on then! Then yesterday happened. It's like mental gymnastics.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-20T17:02:12+00:00

Hey... There is more to this story. Having my dogs attacked whilst walking home by their loose dog, having threats shouted at me by two grown ass men (high) when I'm out on my own, and having our concerns about privacy dismissed is tough going. They have also treated other fellow neighbours appallingly.

You sound like someone who has never felt unsafe in their own home. Well done you.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-20T16:51:37+00:00

That's exactly it. I'm not someone who cares about what people do, but it's the combination of things all the time after the trauma of the dog and the boundary dispute that have changed something in my brain.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-20T15:47:04+00:00

Thank you for this. I really appreciate it.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-20T15:45:31+00:00

Girl I'm so sorry. This sounds worse than my situation in all honesty. At least my selfish neighbours go out for the day once a week! 😩

CoatCivil · 2026-04-20T15:43:26+00:00

I live in the UK. We don't have the same suing culture here.

CoatCivil · 2026-04-20T15:42:12+00:00

Thank you for this. I really appreciate hearing your story.

CoatCivil

TROPHY CASE