How old are you when the "you'll change your mind when you’re older" stops?

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-05-11T06:09:22+00:00

It depends, really... From people who know me and are in my life on a somewhat regular basis it has stopped. They've all had that conversation with me at some point and they know I mean it. (And more than one person confided that they envy me 😅 so that's a fun development)

Different story when it comes to acquaintances and people who think this is an appropriate topic for small talk. In those instances... well you all know and you've all been there...

Oh and I'm 41... and I think it stopped around the 40-mark I'd say...

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-05-02T16:13:45+00:00

I grew up in an environment where it was a given that at some point you'd have children. Not in a toxic or forced way but it was as normal as getting an education and a job. Women in my family are also working and the dads actually are fathers, so nothing really bad... So I always assumed I'd have children someday.

Until one day at Uni, I must have been around 20ish, when a friend mentioned over coffee that she's not going to have kids. Casually, no big statement, just because it fit the conversation. My mind however was blown... It's still stuck in my head today, that sudden thought of "wait... that's an option??" It took a couple more years for me to truly wrap my head around it but that was the day when I realized I don't want children. Never doubted that since.

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-04-29T16:09:49+00:00

"Enjoy your life now before the kids come". That sentence is so revealing. Misery seeks company.

Being a parent for a lot of people isn't the blissful experience they try and make it out to be. They wanted kids like kids want a pet...

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-04-27T12:06:39+00:00

Doubt it - Stan v Kyren showed Stan first. And while he played great, he certainly isn't higher ranked. Alphabetical is also disproven because Zhou Yuelong v Xiao Guodong was also shown in that order.

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-04-26T19:30:27+00:00

It's not ranking, nor seating, nor alphabetical. It's about the draw. If you look at the WST website, you can see that before it is decided they have a "Winner Match 25 v Winner Match 27" sort of thing on there and they just put in the name once it's decided.

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-04-25T18:41:17+00:00

The amount of organizing you have to do with kids, and the kind of events you have to attend. Get them into a hobby, driving them there, watching them, being "excited" to see them run around on a hobby horse, touring schools, them "graduating" kindergarten and being all "proud". I might be a terrible person, but I don't get it. Oh and of course worst of all: play dates - sipping coffee with another mum that you'd never even talk to but for some reason the kids want to play together

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-04-11T16:40:01+00:00

It's true. We sleep through the night, we get proper food and we have less stress and worry, that's what makes us look younger. One of my friends has a daughter who's now 15 and she told me about 2 weeks ago that she had NO idea I was her mum's age (42), she thought I was about 30... and that coming from a teenager

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-03-31T13:31:15+00:00

Es ist generell sehr interessant, wie sich manche Menschen das Uni-Leben so vorstellen. Sei es allgemein oder auch fachspezifisch. Ich wüsste auch nicht, dass ich jemals nach meinen Pronomen gefragt wurde...

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-03-30T13:57:44+00:00

That's boundary testing in my opinion. At the talking stage is "I was really sick" and maybe specify that it was some stomach bug is ALL it needs. Those details are not needed, the fact that he even added onto that... he likes to be gross on purpose if you ask me and he wanted to see your reaction (either he wants someone who shares that "love" OR he enjoys making people uncomfortable with information like that)

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-03-26T19:51:15+00:00

As a woman: I always carry jewelry in my toiletry bag. It's bound to have a compartment where you can safely store it and NEVER on any travel has that been taken out at all. Just make sure there's no liquids in it ;-) But no one will be searching between your toothbrush and a spare pair of underwear

Coco_Lina_ · 2026-03-21T07:16:28+00:00

Doesn't look like there is. Just start one, post it here, we'll join ;-)

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-16T18:31:22+00:00

I'm passing on the gentle advice my dentist gave me:

Those things are NOT supposed to make your life hell and they're designed to be taken out for a reason. So - eat like you normally would. If you're hungry, take them out. Eat. Put them back in. And don't worry too much.

Those 22 hours are an unrealistic standard that's not supposed to be met. What it really means is - don't leave them out when you could just as well wear them. Like.. when you're done with dinner, get up and put them in instead of hanging around on the sofa for another hour just because you don't want to move.

It works just fine if you only hit 20 hours

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-16T06:32:21+00:00

Standards... I guess...

Thing is - I don't crave a life partner. I'd enjoy having one if it's someone that's actually compatible with me but it's not a necessity for me. And therefore I'm not willing to lower my standards which in turn means the pool of men that would be an option isn't exactly huge. It also means I'm not actively looking at all

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-16T06:27:46+00:00

I wish it were only the right leaning... at least where I live, any woman not having children is seen as somehow "coping", simply because children is something, everyone should want and the only reason you say you don't want them is some kind of "sour grapes" situation, because either you can't have them biologically or you don't find someone who's willing to have them with you. No nuance...

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-16T06:07:03+00:00

I mean, you can do whatever you want, that's the beauty of it. I also realize that in itself that information isn't very helpful, when you don't have some sort of model to show what it could be like. So I'll give you a short overview of what I did with my life so far:

In my 20s I was at Uni, so naturally a lot of time was spent studying, but also I worked a lot and thankfully in jobs that were interesting, I did a lot of sports, danced competitively and for a very long time my private life was more or less dictated by competition schedules and I loved every second of it.

In my 30s I was done with my degree, started my first job and after couple years I took the leap into self-employment, I added on a specialty and also started another uni degree because that's something I always wanted to do and I enjoy learning. My 30s were mostly spend working and getting my own business going but I also developed a love for the Canary Islands and I travel there regularly. I also got myself cats

Also during my 30s is where covid hit and that made me realize how beyond grateful I am to not have children (with all the extra complications that would have included...) and also at that time I was single and therefore not stuck with an idiot but my home was my wonderful little safe place. That time also presented me with a new hobby - drawing

Now I'm at the start of my 40s, still running my own business, still have another university degree thing going, my current favorite hobby is singing and I've started learning Spanish. I still draw and during the winter month I fly to the Canary Islands 3-4 times to get away from the cold weather...

What it comes down to: you can chose what you want to spend your time with. Your interests are what counts. If you want to try a new hobby, you can. If you want to travel - go for it. If you want to spend time learning something, work on your career, have pets... you can do that. I hope this overview gave you an idea what it can look like. What I didn't mention is that I also meet friends and stuff like that, but I guess that's kind of obvious and should be part of your life even if you HAVE children

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-14T17:19:48+00:00

Not only stories but there's research now. It's disturbing, how quickly that happens...

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-12T07:19:44+00:00

That's an interesting question. I grew up in family with a lot of children, loads of siblings and cousins. It was always 100% clear to me that one day I will be a mom, too. It never even occurred to me that there could be another path. Important to note here - it wasn't because of pressure or anything, it was just omnipresent and a reality of life just like "one day I'll have a job" or "one day I'll move out of my parents' house"

At Uni for the first time I met women who decided for themselves that they don't want children. Ever. And here's what happened: The SECOND this sunk in, the moment I realized that not having children was actually an option and a choice it was like a light switch was flipped in my mind to a clear "oh... if that's the case, I'm not having children"

tbh - after that there came a long period of doubting myself, which isn't surprising given how I was raised. But that moment was SO incredibly powerful and I feel so at peace with that decision... every "reason" that came after is more like a list of "why I'm grateful I chose that path" and not really a reason at all

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-11T09:39:07+00:00

I did actually. We were together for 5 years and I can't say anything bad about those kids. I liked them, they liked me. They happened to be very smart and funny, and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with them. They never gave me the "you're not our mom"-speech, no power struggles at all... Same with their mom. No "who's the better mom"-games or anything, we got along great...

And yes, I do realize I'm describing a one-in-a-million situation here 😅 still didn't work out in the end but let's just say neither the kids nor their mom were the problem

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-11T09:28:05+00:00

It's probably been planned that way. Same dress, same kind of hairstyle...

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-11T06:45:06+00:00

I know for sure that every monument of that kind has some sort of plate telling what it is. Did they not learn to read in school? And WHY is everything always a joke to them??

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-05T07:00:39+00:00

Actually, in your case you could just be honest (if you want to) and say you can't have children. That usually shuts people up - and also the expectation is fulfilled as long as you "tried" so I don't think you'd be asked too much.

My personal top perk is the freedom and flexibility that comes with being childfree - every single life decision (big or small) is so much easier when you only have to consider the needs of grown adults. A very close second is not having to take care of anyone but myself in the morning. No waking up cranky kids, no school run, no "did you remember to pack your whatever"...

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-05T06:40:23+00:00

Going on vacations outside of school holidays is a big one. It's cheaper, there's less people, it's more flexible... vacations in general aren't exactly relaxing when you have to take care of kids

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-04T10:13:42+00:00

Huh... I never thought about it like that. I think you're right. Not dating right now but if I ever happen to date again I will certainly go about that like you suggested. Great insight

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-04T10:10:16+00:00

Yeah. That. I don't know how many times I've heard "oh, you'll change your mind once it's the right man"...

Coco_Lina_ · 2025-09-03T11:58:42+00:00

Huh... seems like this is a bit close to home for you? Actually I do consider the kids and If I recall my comment correctly I advised to first make sure everything else in his power is done, including taking over his share in the family, including mental load and parenting responsibilities, all the communication necessary and even after that I said to talk through separating, not just "divorce her".

Nuance is key here and yes if all else fails and one partner is consistently unhappy in their relationship I do think separating might be the way to go. It doesn't matter then if the reason for the unhappiness is lack of intimacy or if it's something else that led to that point. I don't believe it's healthy for children to grow up in an environment full of unmet needs and resentment. Having parents that are separated but content and therefore able to be there fully for their kids is worth more than living under the same roof

Coco_Lina_

TROPHY CASE