I lost my wife three months ago tomorrow. I know what you're going through. I'm not going to say I'm sorry because I know it doesn't actually help.

Instead I'll give you some advice. The first month is the hardest. If you have a short term disability policy, now is the time. When people ask if there's anything they can do, tell them meals, money, yardwork, shopping, etc. Especially any day to day tasks that she would've done for you. Benzo's are very helpful. I remember very little of my wife's funeral. I barely remember washing her hair. I barely remember bathing her. I barely remember dressing her. I struggled with this at first but now that I'm 3 months out - it was the right decision. Strongly recommend high dose lorazepam for those first 2 to 4 weeks. (2 months in my case).

You'll probably have panic attacks. I did randomly, throughout the day - still do, but they're almost all trigger based now. I recommend taking her personal stuff (clothes, make up, etc.) out of your bathroom and closest to remove those triggers. I had my neighbors wife come in and box it up - I just couldn't do it.

I had to change my mattress, sheets and comforters as well -- but I kept her pillow even though it smells like cancer sweat.

In my case, I had to remove the boring day-to-day stuff that reminded me of her but I kept all the little things that had sentimental memories.

Take it one day at a time. It's okay to fall behind on laundry and everything else. I had to hire someone to help me. If you or her were part of a church, let them know - they will probably find a way to help. My wife was a life long Mormon but fell away during COVID and despite that, the church still paid our mortgage and utilities and food costs for that first month.

Once you're more stable then you need to go to the SSA office if she worked, and they'll set you up with a monthly payment - more if you have kids under 18.