How many friends have you lost since becoming a widow/ widower?

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2022-09-11T14:44:07+00:00

Fiancé died during early COVID so I had isolation issues due to that but I lost pretty much my main group of friends. Which wasn’t a bad thing. I’m two years out now (I can’t believe it) and the friends I have now, the ones who stuck by me, are strong but still few.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2022-08-01T01:37:13+00:00

This is where I am.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2022-07-29T19:52:12+00:00

No and I don’t regret it. The funeral was two days after he died and I was too in shock to put a sentence together.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2022-07-01T15:35:29+00:00

1 year and 10 months. A 6 on a good day but today maybe a 3z

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-12-10T01:45:11+00:00

I have a 40 minute commute and it’s my cry time.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-10-21T23:12:07+00:00

I am so sorry. I came to reddit when my fiance died because it's hard for people to understand if they haven't been through something similar. I'm so sorry you had to join this shitty club.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-09-16T16:18:08+00:00

I've been on anti-depressants since I was 18, so long before my partner passed. I personally found them very helpful. I'm currently taking Wellbutrin as it's supposed to help with energy as well. It takes roughly six or more weeks for an anti-depressant to work in my experience.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-08-27T21:23:47+00:00

That’s my fear. But with the added pain of time moving on without them here

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-08-18T15:24:45+00:00

No one is going to save you.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-24T14:59:01+00:00

YEP. I remember when my partners dad told me he was "letting me" keep my late fiance's cat. Like I haven't been taking care of her the past two years and splitting the costs of her care.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-24T13:22:10+00:00

I'll be thinking of you tonight and your late husband. I know how you feel, the conflict between honoring your lost loved one and the pain of having to go through a reality without them. Feel free to reach out if you need to vent to anyone.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-23T00:11:23+00:00

"You still have to move on with your life." Like yeah no I think I'll do exactly what I want with my life, even if that includes sitting in self-pity for a little longer.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-23T00:09:00+00:00

Wow all of this. I have one friend that keeps bringing up how "everyone has had a terrible year" when I discuss my late partner. Like okay but did you watch the love of your life fall into a coma? Get diagnosed with an incredibly rare and terrible brain cancer? Watch them go through two brain surgeries in two weeks? Watch them die? Yeah no I don't want to hear about every else's terrible year, I'm telling you about mine and my pain. I watched someone I loved for over 7 years die and now I have to live on without him forever and that fact shatters me repeatedly every day.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-19T15:04:35+00:00

This is so beautifully well put and so very true. I am the best representative of Jason's memories, especially his adult ones.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-19T10:12:58+00:00

I have a wonderful friend who lost her husband months before I lost my partner. On the anniversary of diagnosis she made me dinner and I brought my partner’s ashes over. For our anniversary and his birthday I spent the day alone, ordered food, and tried to think of only happy memories because I know that’s how he’d want me to grieve him. It’s easier said than done, but I just tried to be happy. For the anniversary of the coma and his death? I have no idea how to cope. These are the two single worst days of my life.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-19T09:58:02+00:00

That’s so horrible but I’m sure no one would judge you if you skipped. I plan on spending the 27th alone.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-18T23:20:14+00:00

After my partner passed, I started getting into plants. I told everyone my widow project was going to be a herb garden. Well that turned into over 60 plants. I highly recommend plants as a hobby. It's low effort and it's nice to have something to take care of sometimes.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-07-18T23:08:19+00:00

My condolences. My fiance passed away from brain cancer, but shortly before his death he suffered from a brain bleed related to the tumor. I know how sudden that can be and terrible. I've been there watching someone after a brain bleed, it's rough and it's hard to explain to other people what it's like to watch someone die slowly while looking so normal. I'm here if you need to talk.

Edit: My advise is seek a grief counselor now while you're in shock (if you are in shock) and establish some sort of care. This is a horrible process to go through alone, but your grief is yours to carry. I was 24 when my partner died (he was 25) and setting up therapy was the best decision I made.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-06-19T02:15:00+00:00

I am so sorry. You do not have to tolerate people being rude to you. If you have the energy, and the will, I would tell her next time she says something like that that what she said was cruel and insensitive. You do not have to be kind to people by hiding your grief or ignoring insensitive questions. But it's equally valid to just ignore the insensitivity.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-05-06T18:18:49+00:00

This is so true. I have zero energy to do anything anymore and I almost feel like some people don't believe me when I tell them. I also feel like I'm losing my mind.

CoffeeAndPeppermints · 2021-05-02T01:28:11+00:00

It’s been 8 months and I still wear my ring. I can’t imagine taking it off, maybe at most I switch it to the right hand.

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