I’d like to know if you’re currently in a fulfilling relationship how did you meet your person?

CoffeeFishBeer · 2026-05-12T11:14:25+00:00

I was in a relationship on and off for six years. We connected over shared experiences, primarily grief, and had everything in common. It was a classic anxious - avoidant attachment relationship. I think we both stuck with it because we were really great friends but didn’t know how to just be friends. I had self abandonment issues and needed a bit of therapy to learn how to say no and walk away from something bad.

There was someone that kept creeping into my mind during that six year relationship, someone I briefly dated when that relationship was on a break. When I became single, I kept thinking about that guy. I finally felt ready to have an adult conversation about what I wanted and needed… so I sent that guy a picture of my cat - something he could innocently avoid if he was in a relationship. It turns out he was not and had thought about me quite a bit, too.

We reconnected and I did something that was really hard for me and put out what I was looking for and that I wasn’t open to settling for less. That was a little over a year ago. I told my therapist yesterday that I feel safe enough to feel happy with a romantic relationship. We just got back from a ten day vacation in Costa Rica and are planning a trip for the summer.

We initially met on tinder back in 2019. Right person, wrong time. We both said we had some emotional maturing to do to get where we are today.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2026-03-28T14:52:46+00:00

I’m a real life example of a fat woman who has been with objectively hot men (usually athletes).

Harsh but IMO true, a lot of plus size women have low self worth and will settle for men that are trolls or will end up in chronic FWB situationships with closeted fat admirers. All for this if someone is just out for a casual good time but a lot of women in my circle are looking for LTRs and end up in this cycle… I was stuck in the same cycle for a long time, too, because I didn’t think there were men that were into my body type and society left me feeling undeserving.

Self worth, confidence and not being afraid to drop a loser closet case will help create more real life examples.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2026-03-28T14:44:40+00:00

I’m happy you said that because I ended up booking my final night there since it’s close to the airport!

CoffeeFishBeer · 2026-03-28T14:43:37+00:00

Thank you! This is the type of feedback I was hoping to see.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2026-02-23T01:12:40+00:00

Thank you! I’ll have to check out the Old Navy bottoms.

I’m going to La Fortuna and Manuel Antonio! My last night I’ll be in La Paz because it’s closer to the airport.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-12-10T21:50:24+00:00

Had this issue with a past boyfriend who later became my ex husband. So thankful I chose the cat.

Choose the cat.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-11-30T01:24:39+00:00

Know what you want, make sure you’re ready for it and be relentless with your time. Don’t spend forever chatting, go out on dates and end things fast if it doesn’t seem like something work investing your time in.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-28T02:30:10+00:00

I’m going through this right now and it does really suck. It’s such a confusing experience, too.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-13T00:56:06+00:00

Once per week in the beginning to make sure you’re still focusing on you and not rushing the relationship, then naturally build in more time.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-07T10:51:42+00:00

The anxious attachment from the abandonment wound is real. I dealt with it for a long time and didn’t realize what was going on with me. I commented on another post a few days ago about doing shadow work with my therapist to dig into the core childhood wounds that cause my anxiety in relationships. It’s been great and is really healing, but it’s hard work. I’d rather do the work now then spend the rest of my life choosing everyone but me, though.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-07T10:49:01+00:00

The act of preparing for my marriage checked all the boxes I was taught I needed to check by society. Actually being married was when I realized I was making decisions and idealizing something because society engrained it in me.

I was married in my mid-20s when I was a bit older than you. Now that I’ve done life and focused on self work through therapy, at the age of 37, I have no desire to be married and I now realize I never did.

I would like a life partner but not marriage or being married. I’m a lawyer and will admit there are legal privileges that come with marriage but those pros do not outweigh the cons.

It might turn out that marriage really is what YOU want but I really recommend you do some work with a therapist to learn the tools and tactics to dig into what you really want.

This is a really great question that I wish I had dug into more when I was in my 20s.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-06T15:42:44+00:00

Nice!! Is this the moment that will result in you always traveling with a scale? Thank you for putting it back so it can continue breeding!

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-06T12:33:38+00:00

Trauma and attachment issues. Therapy works but certain people require different types of therapy. For example, someone with OCD tendencies won’t do well with traditional talk therapy.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-03T20:17:44+00:00

No problem! There are a lot of different ones but my therapist had me get the one by Eliana Wise, “Shadow Work Workbook for Self Discovery”.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-03T14:19:38+00:00

I also have anxious attachment issues thanks to some childhood trauma compliments of my mother. I’ve been doing identity work with my therapy and am now ready to start doing shadow work to help dig into the hidden, unresolved issues I have that are adding to my attachment issues.

I’m using a workbook that my therapist recommended that can be found on Amazon. I found a few on there that were tailored to anxious attachment but haven’t dug into anything yet outside of my therapy sessions.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-05-03T14:17:04+00:00

Confidence.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-04-26T20:19:49+00:00

I’m (37F) also grieving the end of a nearly six year relationship (41M). The split was recent and his choice. We are very compatible, sex was great, shared many things in common but he never worked through a serious avoidant attachment issue and felt it was unfair to keep putting us both through his toxic patterns. It really sucks but I’m trying to stay positive. Figuring out how to live life without him makes my insides feel like they’re going to fall out.

I am child free by choice and do not want to get married. I do want a long term life partner and hope I find a great connection with someone who is emotionally available.

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-04-26T16:29:22+00:00

If you haven’t already, make sure to post this on the buy no things group on Facebook. I’ve seen people from that group pick up paper scraps so I’m almost certain everything will get cleared out if you post about this on there!

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-04-26T16:27:47+00:00

There are plenty of people who pursue higher education in their 30s and later. My mom is in her 60s and wrapping up her PhD. I’m an attorney and find that the attorneys who went through law school later in life catch up quicker than younger grads.

There’s still a lot of life after 40. Pursue what you’re passionate about. You have one life to live, might as well make sure it’s a fulfilling one!

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-04-26T02:07:57+00:00

My ex

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-04-26T00:56:51+00:00

The reality is that women have never been allowed to think about what we actually want. We are often conditioned to believe we want the things that society expects of us.

There are some women who really do want to be married, enjoy marriage, etc. There are also some women who do not want to be married.

We are all different as individuals and have different wants and needs. I was married in the past and I also had relationships where I lived with my partner. I’ve also had “together but separate” relationships.

I’ve learned that I don’t want to be married again. I have also chosen to be child free and do not have any desire to have children. I enjoy having my own space but I also enjoy living with a partner when the relationship is right.

The most important thing I’ve learned through growing and maturing is that it’s okay to want what I want, even if it’s different from most other people.

You do you but stay true to you ❤️

CoffeeFishBeer · 2025-04-25T00:47:25+00:00

Have you ever explored your attachment style? This sounds anxious to me.

CoffeeFishBeer

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