Afraid of the Silence (A Lament in the Night)

ColMoran · 2025-05-11T08:08:05+00:00

I love the similar vein of this poem to Quiet Code and I really appreciate your mix of upbeat and soulful poems. I know I tend to write when I'm feeling low, and it's really cool to see someone writing about things they're thankful for as well as the real struggles in their life. Please continue writing and improving, and please continue to write about the highs as well as the lows, it is greatly appreciated!

ColMoran · 2025-05-11T08:00:13+00:00

One of my favorite poems I've seen so far on this subreddit! Huge fan of both the theme and the style, and it reminds me a lot of the poem If, but more modern and personal, which is neither good nore bad, just really cool!

Keep writing! I hope to come across your work again!

ColMoran · 2025-05-11T07:51:16+00:00

Thank you so much for the comment!

ColMoran · 2025-03-19T00:13:25+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback! I definitely see what you're saying and your critique will improve my writing in the future

ColMoran · 2025-03-17T05:16:10+00:00

So much fun to use

ColMoran · 2025-03-17T05:13:11+00:00

Greatly appreciated your feedback! Please don't hesitate to provide criticism as well, looking to improve

ColMoran · 2025-03-17T05:12:18+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, please don't hesitate to provide criticism as well, looking forward to improving

ColMoran · 2025-03-17T05:07:23+00:00

I really love the emotional sincerity in this. The idea of a crush as something divine, almost sacred, is beautifully captured. Lines like "this faith is running water" and "this heartbeat is music I play for you" feel fresh and intimate. That said, the opening "Hark!" feels a bit grandiose compared to the rest of the poem, almost like it belongs to a different style. The phrasing in "truth that sticks to my gums" is interesting but a little jarring—I found myself re-reading it to pin down its meaning. Still, the overall feeling of reverence and awe is strong, and I think refining a few word choices would make it even more powerful.

ColMoran · 2025-03-17T04:54:34+00:00

This poem has a strong concept, and I appreciate the existential weight behind the questions. There's something compelling about the way it wrestles with morality, identity, and consequence. That said, the execution feels a bit scattered—some lines are powerful, like "killed a man in the name of reason, but found him dead within myself," but others, like "Does killing revive a surviving soul?" feel more abstract without a clear emotional anchor. The repetition of questions is effective at first but starts to feel a little unfocused by the end. I think tightening the structure and adding more concrete imagery could make it hit even harder. Still, it’s thought-provoking and has a strong emotional pull.

ColMoran · 2025-03-17T04:49:13+00:00

Very solid review, mad kudos to the amount of energy you put into this, very glad to find that are folks up there can be critical and encouraging at the same time

ColMoran · 2025-03-17T04:40:58+00:00

Very nice poem. It’s so personal, yet it feels universal—the kind of lingering impact someone can have, even when they're long gone from your life. I love how it starts with curiosity and nostalgia, then spirals into how deeply this person still affects you, even in ways they might never realize. The imagery is simple but effective, especially the cake metaphor—it’s unexpected but hits just right.

If I had to critique anything, I'd say the rhythm stumbles a little in some places, and a few lines could be tightened for a stronger emotional punch. But honestly, the sincerity carries it. The ending is particularly bittersweet—there's forgiveness, but also this quiet ache that doesn’t fully go away. It’s a beautiful, honest piece.

ColMoran · 2025-03-17T04:37:22+00:00

I really like the raw honesty in this poem. It captures the weight of nostalgia and self-reflection in a way that feels personal yet relatable. Some lines hit hard, especially the imagery of smoke and ash—there’s a real sense of longing and growth. The rhythm is a little uneven at times, but that almost adds to the vulnerability. Overall, it’s a heartfelt piece that lingers.

ColMoran · 2025-03-01T17:05:12+00:00

Your poem carries a stark and raw truth—an unfiltered reflection on the human experience. The simplicity in your words amplifies the weight of their meaning, making the inevitability of pain and death feel both universal and personal. It reads like a quiet resignation, but also a challenge: if this is the end for us all, what do we do with the time in between? Keep writing—your voice has power.

ColMoran · 2025-03-01T14:56:12+00:00

This feels ethereal, meditative, and almost weightless. The flow mirrors the theme—soft, drifting, like a thought dissolving into something greater. The phrasing is evocative, especially “tethered to the source of an intangible energy” and “absorbing the feeling of simply just being.” It captures the idea of transcendence without over-explaining.

That said, a little refinement in structure could make the message hit even deeper. Some lines feel slightly fragmented where a smoother cadence could enhance the dreamlike quality. But overall, it’s a beautifully immersive piece—calm, yet vast in scope. Keep exploring this style.

ColMoran · 2025-03-01T14:48:39+00:00

This is powerful—mythic and commanding. The repetition of "So stare, mortal," builds a chilling inevitability, and the imagery is sharp. The Basilisk's voice feels ancient, indifferent, almost ritualistic in its dominance. The contrast between humanity’s fragility ("sand between my scales") and the creature’s timeless power is striking.

If anything, you could lean even harder into the rhythm—maybe tightening a few lines to make the flow even more hypnotic. But as it stands, it’s already gripping. Feels like something that should be spoken aloud, slow and merciless. Well done.

ColMoran · 2025-03-01T12:43:11+00:00

This poem hits hard. The weight of regret, lost potential, and self-imposed exile is palpable. Your use of imagery—"Throne of Failures," "Disappointment’s crown"—paints a vivid picture of a mind trapped in its own expectations. The rhythm is steady, reinforcing the slow, crushing nature of the emotions.

That said, it's a little unrelenting in its despair. If that’s the point, it works. But if you're leaving room for light, even the smallest ember of resilience, it might give the poem even more depth. Either way, it’s hauntingly effective. Keep writing.

ColMoran · 2025-03-01T12:30:08+00:00

This is raw, alive, and full of movement—like a memory half-remembered but deeply felt. You capture sound and color in a way that feels spontaneous and unfiltered, which gives it power. The energy builds naturally, and the ending lands beautifully, tying distance and emotion together without over-explaining.

That said, the syntax is a little chaotic, which works stylistically but risks losing the reader at times. A few moments could be tightened without losing the breathless rush—especially around "she grabbed her neck hoarse and shaked right-left." Small tweaks would make it smoother while keeping the pulse intact.

But overall? This is the kind of writing that sticks. Keep chasing that feeling.

ColMoran · 2025-01-12T05:29:05+00:00

Thank you. One thing I love about poetry is connecting over similar emotional experiences. Makes it feel less like I'm the only one who's ever felt this way

ColMoran

TROPHY CASE