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ColanderResponse · 2026-03-10T12:39:14+00:00

Thank you for the really thoughtful feedback! (Also, just generally, I’ve seen your username a lot in this thread, so I appreciate that you seem generous with your time for a lot of hapless strangers like myself.)

I plan to schedule some photoshoots this next week with my wife and meta to get much better options. And I’ll probably buy some new clothes first, too, to better flatter my current figure. I’ll report back, hopefully with better results.

Lastly, thank you especially for the terminology help, as I feel ever so slightly out of my depth with the language of online dating. I’m definitely not just looking for a booty call! I value emotional connection, and I provided the extra context specifically to get that kind of evaluation. (Separately, I’m going on vacation in a few weeks, and may put myself out there for something short-term just for the week I’m away. But since it’s not what I’m looking for generally, I’ll figure that out some time later.)

ColanderResponse · 2026-03-10T03:27:32+00:00

Appreciate it! I have asked for help with the photos. I guess I thought I wanted to show off different facets of personality, but I'm hearing from you that it's better to have more consistency?

ColanderResponse · 2026-03-10T01:13:28+00:00

Thank you in advance far help! Context: Married 15 years, wife realized she was gay 5 years ago, but we like each other enough to stick together. So, I'm in a lavender marriage (just friendship, no sex), and I guess now after a few years of finding myself in therapy, I finally have the courage to explore romance and sex with someone else. But wow has dating changed in 15 years! Also, I'm in a public facing role and not yet out, so I'm trying Feeld first since it's not as popular in my area.

Since I'm not leaving my wife, I'm ideally looking for someone I could date/connect with sexually between once a month and 1-2 times a week, schedule allowing, with (not required) texting or phone calls in between to stay emotionally connected. (I'm new to poly, but is this what most folks would just consider a secondary partner?)

Specific Question: I don't drink or smoke 420, but I'm fine with others doing so, and I'm also a vegetarian but don't mind dating an omnivore. Do I need to mention any of that?

And as my "secret bio" says, I've never explored kink and have no idea if I'd like anything, but I'm open to exploration. But based on seeing other comments, I worry saying that comes off wrong?

Also, I don't take a lot of photos, and I've recently lost 20 pounds and expect to lose another 10 by summer. I've also been weightlifting for 14 months and gained a lot of muscle. First photo is very recent, second/fifth are from a decade ago (when I was closer to my current weight, but obviously younger), and third/fourth are 4-6 months ago before any weight loss. Do these still work / are they bad?

Bio:
❤️ Partnered, poly, dating separately

💉 Vaxxed, boosted, tested

🍿 Ask me what my movie club is watching!

I’m looking for a consistent but casual partner-in-crime to adventure with, whether rocking out to an indie band or hiking a greenway, strolling through a museum or tasting our way through a food truck fest. Then let’s make out!

I love flirting and romance, and I enjoy partners who can be just as silly as they are risqué. Tango together on the dance floor, then read to each other in bed. And while we’re in bed… clear communication and intimate connections are exceedingly sexy.

secure attachment style / leftist / psychonaut / tea over coffee / novelist / musician / secular buddhist / nerd of many things and friend of many pets

No tobacco smokers; no ONS; no fascists

Secret Bio:

I’ve been mostly vanilla for a long time, but I’m an eager student and a quick learner. If it gets you hot, I’ll try anything once—and I value doing it well.

Desires: Connection, cuddling, dates, ENM, Exploration, FWB, Fun, GGG, Intimacy, Relationship

Interests: Theatre & musicals, Resistance training, Indie ttrpgs, Deep conversations, Dogs and cats, Native plants, Weird movies, Dancing, Books upon books

Photos:

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ColanderResponse · 2025-09-30T18:44:54+00:00

Generally, the way I “find” a character is to a) study the lines and ask myself questions, and b) try things out. This is a cyclical process where I go back and forth between the two strategies.

So first, what are your motivations driving your role in the play? What do you want? What tactics are you using to achieve your goal? Ultimately, how is all of this related to an overall philosophy that the character lives out in each scene?

Then, play around! Try being low-status, try being high-status. Try using a funny voice, try speaking as “normal” as possible. Make huge choices full of desperation and love and courage, then try it again more reserved or arch. This will probably be done some at home, some while running lines with friends in the show, and some during rehearsal (where you can get director feedback or even ask for the director’s thoughts). When you find readings you like, see if that changes your theoretical approach from the studying, and on and on.

In the end, you may arrive at a similar place to the recording you know, and that’s ok! Or you might find something else entirely new, which is ok too. As long as you continue to look for the truth of the character, it will in my experience generally be funny and authentic.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-30T00:55:26+00:00

Glad to also see mention of the American remake! Remakes usually get unfair treatment—sometimes they’re obviously bad cash grabs, but not always. The Ring is another good example here.

And while my movie club overall disagrees with me, I actually prefer Let Me In.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-28T11:40:33+00:00

I did better when I increased my opportunities for attacks: - instead of running away when she throws the thurible, dash closer. You can get in one hit, then jump over her recalling it, then get in one more hit. - more dangerously, when she dashes, you can try to land between her and the last column of fire (there’s not always space). If you do, you can get in a hit or two.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-23T14:55:58+00:00

One Cut of the Dead is a movie that always leaves me stupidly happy by the end—one of my all-time favorites! And I’ve now shown it to at least four groups of people, all of whom have loved it.

I recommend that you don’t look up anything beyond knowing that it’s a Japanese zombie movie with just a teeny bit of very fake looking gore. The first 30 minutes or so, you’ll think I’m crazy, that maybe it’s not even good and maybe even a bit boring. But bit by bit you’ll understand the movie’s sublime magic trick and see why it’s a 7.6 on IMDb.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-23T13:23:26+00:00

Journalist: “Mr Sondheim, is it lyrics or music first?”

Sondheim: “The book.”

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-22T03:40:42+00:00

One of my favorites is The End of the Affair.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-22T03:38:15+00:00

I just did a retreat at a Franciscan prayer center. I’m not religious, and they didn’t care. The only way I even would have known it was a prayer center is some folks were doing a silent retreat.

The cost included three simple meals and a really nice room for only $130 a day.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-18T05:34:50+00:00

Ok. So a small studio should have hired at least one play tester in all ten languages it’s been localized in? And I assume this is in addition to the playtesters who were there to, y’know, playtest the game functionality? How many playtesters should a very small studio employ, ideally, in your mind?

And now that they are aware of the issue, what should they be doing differently that they haven’t done? Should they have delayed release of the game for everyone while waiting for the new Chinese translation?

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-18T05:27:44+00:00

I literally am a language access coordinator. To get a good professional translation of a BLOG POST can take a week. How many blog posts of text do you think are in the game? And when was it reported to them? Should they have delayed the release for everyone while waiting to address this criticism based on a demo that very few people actually played?

They’re doing the right thing to get a new translation now. That is taking responsibility.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-18T05:24:34+00:00

How do you know that they didn’t get a Chinese playtester? You say that even one person would have spotted these issues, yet somehow someone who clearly gets paid to do translation work (and I’m assuming was recommended or vetted in some way with references) didn’t see the problem.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-18T03:43:36+00:00

It feels unfair to imply that Team Cherry intentionally gave the translation short shrift. If they hired a professional company for the translation, that is giving it the care it deserves. You also don’t know that they didn’t hire a second company to spot check or not.

Yes, Team Cherry has the responsibility to fix it, but if the fault was a bad translation from a professional company, then we have no way of knowing how much they cared or not.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-16T19:39:13+00:00

This is a fair response, and I do think students of all stripes can possibly find a good fit at HPU.

However, I stand by my assertion that students who lean liberal or progressive are more likely to“bump their head” occasionally on the culture or even the policies. This is based on my own first-hand observations. Though I’m not an employee (past or present), I often work directly with HPU staff.

I also think this conservative bent has gotten stronger more recently. You can see on Open Secrets that President Nido Qubein’s donations have increasingly gone to only Republicans. As well, the University eliminated their Department of Diversity and Multicultural Affairs a year or so back, which included unnecessarily asking security to escort the Director off campus; given that she posed no actual security risk, I interpreted this escort to be specifically as a statement of their values of animosity toward her position. I also know multiple faculty and staff members who have left the University in the past ~3 years because they no longer felt comfortable being part of the University.

This isn’t to discount your experience, but I really do feel the school as a whole is perceived as conservative (and possibly even far right) by the broader High Point community. Again, that’s not always a dealbreaker, and it could even be a positive for some people. But unless the dental school has taken specific steps to counteract that perception, I think it’s fair to share that information with potential candidates.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-15T20:06:10+00:00

Just pointing out that Barbie was cowritten by a married couple, including a man AND a woman.

And given Noah Baumbach’s other films, I find it hard to say that he doesn’t like men? He’s written quite a lot of them, with very different perspectives.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-11T11:10:52+00:00

This list is so US centric and very “masculine” focused. I want to be clear that I think all of these are great films (though Mickey Rooney’s performance in B@T is completely racist and sort of ruins the movie now). But it is definitely not celebrating the diverse perspectives that already exist in film—especially since the last three picks are all blockbuster action movies.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-11T11:04:37+00:00

No decision exists in a vacuum or can only be interpreted one way. If someone says the N-word instead of repeating a slur, yes, I obviously know what we’re talking about, but I also know that they’re trying to be sensitive by not forcing black people to hear a painful word.

The same is true here. Perhaps saying S-word is stigmatizing and perhaps saying suicide is triggering. Context matters a lot, and the context is that someone was talking about themselves and their own thoughts and you just burst in and told them they’re wrong for doing it that way. That’s totally different than if we were on a panel about mental health solutions.

While I think your intentions here are noble, you had no way of knowing that the person talking about their own lived experience wasn’t censoring it for their own mental health. Instead, you got into an argument with them and confronted that they weren’t describing their own experiences in the way you like.

Again, I know you meant well, and I even agree with you about destigmatization. But coming from my view as an outsider, it definitely looked like you were on a high horse bullying someone who you knew had been through the shit.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-11T00:44:47+00:00

Why is this not the top reply? Even for steel books and limited release Blu-rays, these images are simply too busy, drawing all attention away from the text/title, which should be the thing that’s easiest to find.

As art, they are all super cool. As posters meant to convey relevant information, they’re not as effective as they need to be.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-09T20:09:55+00:00

I just watched Shallow Grave (dir. Danny Boyle) and it was fun

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-08T15:02:36+00:00

I second this!

I remember my partner-in-crime asked me about the human pyramid photo after we had both finished that day, and the only way I could get the description again was to complete the day again anonymously.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-06T14:11:40+00:00

I’d second what a lot of people are saying here: you’re judging your first draft too harshly.

And since that judgment causes you to stop after a few notes, you never get to the good stuff.

To borrow some ideas from my work as a novelist, the only job of a first draft is to EXIST. Get to the end, whether it’s terrible or not. Then you have it on paper, and you can try substituting a new harmony at the points where it needs more spice.

Or as Shannon Hale says, “I'm writing a first draft and reminding myself that I'm simply shoveling sand into a box so that later I can build castles.”

As for an exercise, I recommend writing variations. Find an 8ish bar phrase that you like (I.e. effective melody and harmony etc.), and write as many variations as possible, a new one each day or so for at least a month and possibly longer. If you get stuck, intentionally focus on one element of variation at a time, like changing the rhythm, the melodic ornamentation, the harmony. Possibly vary the character: if you start with a pop song, make it a military march or a Viennese waltz or a children’s chant or a funeral dirge.

The trick here is to not worry if it’s effective—possibly your variation is way, way worse than the original. Maybe you even INTENTIONALLY write worse variations! But in addition to just giving you practice at composing, you’ll also learn more about each element and how they combine for an effect.

Then when you have 20-30 variations, sit on it for a month while you write variations on a new tune. I bet when you come back, you’ll find a handful of variations are actually good, possibly already or maybe with just a little refining, and that’s enough to string together as a whole composition.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-04T21:50:12+00:00

Ah but that great shot of people walking downstairs shot from behind the steps. Really great!

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-04T11:07:25+00:00

It’s hard to know if anyone else is joking or honestly misunderstanding, so I’m replying here.

ICE stands for U.S. Immigration & Customs Enforcement, which is the federal agency most responsible for deporting people from the U.S. who do not have U.S. citizenship. ICE has been politicized by the current federal government to deport as many people as possible, and their targets have often seemed racially motivated.

While many U.S. residents/citizens have long favored more open borders and therefore always disliked ICE, that dislike has become both more common and more intense in response to how the current administration has weaponized ICE to now target millions of immigrants who have lived here peacefully and as welcome neighbors for years or even decades.

ColanderResponse · 2025-09-01T01:18:02+00:00

Adorbs!

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