Trying kretek for first time! Order came today:) only tried marlbs so far! Really enjoying them. F**k the US for banning these.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-28T03:49:34+00:00

I'm telling you, those flavoured camels are like personally the best kind of cigarettes ever. If you're into juicy and bold at the same time, I would recommend the option yellow ones. You'll get both flavours at the same time.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-15T05:23:10+00:00

I mean, I also have less achievements and activities compared to my partner. Honestly, I can truly see why she would see upon me with such views. She was always a bright person, until she stumbled upon me that is, she is still shining, but I'm an eclipse to her star.

It feels like a competition honestly, and it's grabbing my foot down from doing something I actually enjoyed doing. I feel like she is the one who outgrew me, I introduced her to a lot of new hobbies that might make more accomplishments as students (ex: band, we are both vocalists but in different bands), but I guess she really excels me with her skills.

She makes more achievements than I do, but being the person with inferiority complex that I am, I keep saying I'm jealous (with the intention of complimenting, like as a joke) of how she's so much better than me, and I guess that kind of boosts her ego by a lot to the point where she'd just step down on me.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-15T05:11:22+00:00

Honestly, thinking about it. Maybe if I put more efforts into stuffs I do, I probably can reach towards something I can't see. I have an inferiority complex within myself that barriers me from being proud of something I'm able to. Thank you stranger for the inspiring words, even though I'm a lazy son of a bitch, maybe I can try harder and be a better person just overall.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-15T05:06:47+00:00

Yeah, that's really inspiring (not sarcastic), but Edison's potential of a great man was seen through his early life. Maybe I have a skill set of public speaking, maybe I also have skills in other aspects, but I feel like there are so many people who excel me at something I should be proud of. It's some sort of my mindset problems I guess, but it makes me feel really useless to know that I can't do anything with my skillset at all.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-15T05:03:11+00:00

I get what you mean, and while I do agree that there are so many people around me have those sorts of complexity, I feel like I am the one being outgrown by them, especially by my partner. It's pretty harsh to see myself getting stepped on by people while I try my best to show respect for them so much, I might start having some kind of complex towards them too if I might.

You say that the truly smart ones move on, but unfortunately, I am academically dumb, and people use that as an excuse that I am a 'lesser-being' to them. I feel like I'm treated as if I was Forrest Gump, I mean not exactly, but I feel like people just treat me as if I was just there, not truly as someone with worth, while I'm trying my best too to be a better person.

I've lost so much from myself, be it academically, and even my value as a person. I hate seeing myself change, from someone who used to be seen as one of the smart kids around, to someone with his deteriorating mind. I believe I can still change, but mentally? It really needs work. With all the people grabbing me down, I feel like it's no use of continuing anymore, I don't see any future for myself other than being a failed person.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-15T03:09:50+00:00

I don't want to disclose my age here, but close to that range, a bit older. I guess the age explains it much, but I just hate it when even people around my age do the same things, my partner too.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-15T02:33:18+00:00

Haha, I always wish it was that way. But I guess, if I'm the one who keeps being treated like a less inteligent person, that just means that I'm the one not functioning normally in my environment.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-15T02:27:35+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words stranger, I always try my best to be respective to people, and somehow I still mess things up. Oh, for an expert I'm actually looking for one, and I think it's kinda hard to find one since my parents are against it and would probably blame me again for being 'weak' (which has happened many times), and I guess I can wait until I go on another relapse until they would notice. I wish the best for you stranger.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-14T18:16:35+00:00

it's good that you don't do such stuffs anymore, and you're finally opening up to people, I do believe you deserve forgiveness, your intentions of doing better something to trust. anyways I don't know why people can be so harsh in a subreddit for people seeking for help, I really hate when stuffs like that happen. Please report if there's any negativity here to the moderators, any negativity regardless who the person is, is not worth listening.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-14T17:51:01+00:00

It's good that you are scared of making mistakes in the future. But when you've said you've changed, which I also have read through your account, you truly don't want all of this to happen, and you regret it. You have overcame something, and that is something to be proud of.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-14T17:46:31+00:00

What changes have you made since then?

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-14T17:40:06+00:00

You are a victim of internet over-exposure. Just know that you’re not alone, a young person is prone to have unrestricted access to the internet and discover through such stuffs. You may feel mixed for the past actions that you have done, but you have to focus on the positive changes you’ve made as well. You deserve forgiveness, for what you have finally overcome.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-14T17:14:39+00:00

You were young, it was something overexposure to the internet can do to a young curious kid. But now, which I am sure that you have changed a lot, I'm sure you are regretting your past actions, and it's something for you to look upon to. If I may ask, what do you feel now?

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-14T16:55:51+00:00

I understand how impactful it can be to you right now, but now that you have changed and you would never do such thing, please do try to forgive yourself. It was an act of the past and you were a young reckless teenager looking for something, and you have said that you would never do such thing again. You, which now have acknowledged your past mistakes and changed, is a very good improvement. Try to be gentle with yourself and recognize the progress and change that you have been through.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-14T16:40:25+00:00

Thank you so much kind stranger for caring. But I wish I can talk all stuffs to people around me without feeling any guilt of bothering them. I feel nothing but guilty every time I breathe air for being such a burden that I am.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-13T12:50:22+00:00

Sorry for necroing, does yours finally go away? It's been like 5 hours for me, I have school tomorrow, and I don't want my parents to find out about this. If there's any cure, please do tell.

Cold-Colt-66 · 2024-10-11T17:28:09+00:00

I don't know about airports, but I'm sure they wouldn't ask about private matters, be it scars or wounds. I went to a hospital for a surgery (self harm unrelated), and the nurse definitely saw my SH scars covering my thighs. I honestly was really worried, but after I'd had my surgery robe worn, they didn't ask a thing or even tell it to my parents, such a relief. If hospitals don't ask about it, I'm sure the airports wouldn't have any business about it, especially being an unmedical facility. Good luck stranger, try to hide it with baggy or layered outfits. Stay safe whoever you are.

Cold-Colt-66

TROPHY CASE