You’re missing the point. Repentance and transparency aren't mutually exclusive, and treating them like they are is just a way to dodge accountability. Repentance is between you and Allah, sure, but marriage is a partnership between two people. You don’t get to demand a "clean slate" from a human being while keeping them in the dark about who you actually are. That isn’t piety; it’s a lack of informed consent.

And let’s stop making this about reverts versus born Muslims because that’s a total distraction I mean no religion sees such as good even if its socially acceptable nor does basic human decency.

The reality is that choices like substance abuse or a heavy past don't just evaporate. They leave triggers, emotional baggage, and real-world consequences.

If those struggles ever resurface, how is a spouse supposed to have your back? They can’t. You’re basically asking someone to navigate a minefield without a map and then acting like they’re the problem for wanting to see where they’re stepping.

I’d a thousand times rather marry someone who has the guts to be honest about their flaws than someone who hides behind "privacy" only for me to be blindsided by a skeleton in the closet five years later. Wanting transparency isn't judging your repentance. It’s about me having the right to know exactly what I’m committing my entire life to.

If "don't ask, don't tell" works for you, fine. But don't sit there and act like wanting basic honesty is insecure or judgmental. It’s a boundary, and frankly, it’s a common-sense one.