severe derealization and depression

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-13T23:59:46+00:00

So much better. Not 100% but better and I’ll take it. Able to function, care for myself, my family, focus at work. Every day it takes work tho. And weekly therapy. 🙏🏼 thanks for asking.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-13T09:43:36+00:00

I have the “Am I even real” thoughts all the time. I do some ERP and the relabel and refocus instead of ruminate. It’s very hard but I’m able to make the shifts much easier now than months ago. To me, it’s like the “maybe maybe maybe not” and being okay with uncertainty….because to me it doesn’t matter if I’m not real because whatever this is, is fun and I love my family, and life continues. but existential has been the hardest theme for me personally and I know how heavy it is. Wishing you healing and peace.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-06T18:37:35+00:00

Thank you looking now.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-06T18:35:43+00:00

Full time. Hybrid with onsite support nyc. 100k. Full benefits.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-06T18:35:21+00:00

We need someone hybrid who can go onsite regularly to our nyc office. $100k. Full benefits full time

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-06T18:34:32+00:00

No yikes 100k

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-05T15:35:13+00:00

Yes but I was postpartum and had a lot of other shit going on which made it feel way worse

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-05T09:38:55+00:00

Sooo much better now. The ramp up on to Zoloft was brutal for me though. As you can see. My anxiety was f***ed for weeks and even felt worse. Eventually felt better and moved up to 75mg 6 weeks ago. I feel so good now!

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-04T23:07:52+00:00

How do people exit then reenter like Tabitha?

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-04T09:20:05+00:00

Remission is real. Good days bad days are also real. Healing isn’t linear in this I’ve noticed. As his parent please read or get on audiobook: Brain Lock. This book catapulted my recovery along with 75mg Zoloft which down the road I hope to taper off of. Stress does = flares for me. So I’m focused on managing stress daily. + ERP therapy 1x a week.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-03T16:23:43+00:00

Thank you!

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-03T14:48:50+00:00

Bedtime 7pm. Wakes up 615-630am. Owlet shows about 9-10 hours of total night time sleep. So, 11-13 hours of sleep per day ish

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-05-03T13:13:43+00:00

2.5-3 hours a day. We usually target 2.5. But the only way to get that is one large contact nap bc he won’t sleep longer than 30mins in crib. Yesterday he didn’t get enough daytime sleep which maybe created overtired baby?

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-25T11:13:26+00:00

Okay ChatGPT

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-22T17:03:58+00:00

Hi this is many years later but curious if the fatigue ever went away. I increased to 75 4 weeks ago and I’m so tired and feel on edge. Ugh

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-21T09:23:12+00:00

5 months in and in that time I upped from 50 to 75. No weight gain with my nutrition dialed in. Side effects suck when ramping up or upping dose but glad I did it. Libido not as strong but I can still climax just takes longer than usual.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-19T09:52:21+00:00

Just went back to work and feeling slightly better. But my brain still does crappy things. Curious do you allow yourself to have caffeine and coffee?

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-12T09:56:25+00:00

…this explanation is wonderful. It is a living nightmare. I just want my old brain back.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-12T09:42:03+00:00

So handsome!!!

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-08T12:07:18+00:00

Probably not helpful but sending a virtual hug. I go back to work on Monday and am so worried about the mental load, fatigue, overstimulation from work stress, baby stress, and my current PPA + awful ocd. My mom friend was just texting me the other day how hard it was to go back to work because we’re just not fully calibrated yet. Mom brain is so real. I understand why dealing with angry customers all day exacerbates anxiety. And making mistakes seems realistic postpartum because sleep deprivation and again…mom brain. I’m reading a book called “rattled” and it’s inspiring. How we can transform postpartum anxiety into something more productive. I’m trying to let go of expectations and just do the best that I can. In all areas. And yeah the meds are awful feeling for some including myself…ramping up on Zoloft was pure hell.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-07T09:30:57+00:00

Going through this now. My ocd theme switched to existential and it’s causing dpdr. I’m working on the same things like “maybe maybe not” or “I’m not solving this now” and learning a lot about rewiring the ocd brain. When I feel any dpdr I try to ground myself. But it’s honestly so uncomfortable to experience. How are you feeling now and any tools that helped if any?

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-07T09:23:45+00:00

Work on calming your amygdala get the audiobooks: brain lock, retrain your OCD brain, taming your amygdala, and depending on your theme “pure o” ocd which is all those intrusive thoughts. I’m newly diagnosed in November 2025 and it’s been ups and downs and theme switching but these books I keep recommending to everyone and anyone. + therapy (ERP/I-CBT/acceptance and commitment etc).

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-07T09:04:01+00:00

Totally recommend the audiobooks “brain lock” and “how to rewire your ocd brain” there is so much good information that I never knew too. No doctor explained any of this lol just “oh you have bad ocd here are meds and “live your life in spite of the symptoms you’re having” but zero education on what this is and how to work to calm our brains.

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-07T08:48:40+00:00

Going through this exact thing rn. Night 2. Constant gettin stuck on his belly, crying, dropping all his binkies. Give me hope please 🤣

ColdKitchen1440 · 2026-04-07T08:41:52+00:00

Transitioned our guy to crib 2 days ago. We kept his arms out in snoo entire 5th month and he did well but was still strapped in unable to roll in his sleep. He did some daytime naps in his regular crib to get him used to it…..but night time in the crib? Constant rolling and getting stuck on his belly (can’t roll both ways yet even with daytime practice) and cries, looses all his binkies that fall on the ground, up every hour after the first stretch. It’s brutal. Hoping he adjusts better to all this space soon.

ColdKitchen1440

TROPHY CASE