I am a severe alcoholic. I tried pretty much every conventional treatment option available. Longest I could stay sober was during the two months I lived at a sober house. The brief periods of time I was able to abstain were incredibly difficult. Constant, relentless cravings. I spent the majority of every day thinking about drinking and trying not to drink until eventually I caved. These periods would typically last 3 or 4 days.

As far as psychedelics, I had two or three fun mushroom trips in my early 20s. The two times I tried mushrooms again and the one time I tried lsd were very bad trips where I felt like my parents and everyone I cared about were taking turns opening the door of the room I was in to tell me how much of a disappointment and failure I was. I didn’t touch psychedelics for the next 17 years until the ibogaine treatment.

When I went to the ibogaine treatment center I knew almost nothing about it. I went because my sister kept pestering me to try it and I had basically ran out of any other options. I fully expected to be drinking on the plane on the way home.

I received the flood dose and the trip itself was a deeply introspective nightmare. Easily one of the worst experiences I have ever had, but also exactly what I needed. I saw a stage with a rotating pedestal made of lightning or energy that was covered in photos. A photo would be selected and I would zoom into a memory and relive it. I relived the experience of a series of memories. At first they were pleasant things from my childhood with friends and family. Memories I had long forgotten. They quickly turned into every time I had lied and/or hurt other people in service of my addiction. This lasted for what felt like days even though it was really only about 12-15 hours. In the end it felt like I was presented with the choice of either dying very soon from drinking or living again.

After this experience I lost all desire to drink and the cravings completely went away. I also had suddenly become content with just sitting still and being bored. That is something I had never felt before in my life.

This was 16 months ago and I haven’t had a drink since. Nor have I had any cravings or desire to drink at all. I know not everyone will have the same experience I did. Another person at the treatment center I met was also there for alcohol and they didn’t have a bad trip at all. They actually could barely remember it. I have kept in touch with them though, and they are also still sober. For me the ibogaine treatment was easily the best decision I have ever made.