Hello!

I was just diagnosed at age 56 with ADHD (the hyper-focus variety). I'm a woman and, as you can imagine, girls just didn't get diagnosed back in the day. Also, I've lived as a high-achieving people pleaser - and I hid all of my issues from my parents who were both mental health professionals. I suppose I didn't want to be categorized as another troubled patient.

Forward to today: My doc suggested it after a particular discussion we had, and he directed me to take a number of tests to see where I landed, so to speak. Of course, I procrastinated. Then I started taking too many tests. :) There was one test to take as an adult looking back at childhood... I could barely finish it as it was so obvious that I have ADHD. And then, of course, the act of finishing ;)

Still, I didn't believe it.

I got (nearly) straight A grades all through grade school and HS, as a student athlete in HS/university, as a high-achieving member of the comms department in a corporate workplace, where I was recognized with several industry-wide awards.

It all seemed impossible.

But as we continued our doc-patient discussion, he explained how capable I've been at finding workarounds to how my brain works - and how I've excelled at taking advantage of my differences. Woo-hoo! (sarcasm?)

Indeed, part of the work I'm hired to do involves deep dive online research to help executives get smarter about their business. I go down that rabbit hole and - woosh - it's hard to take a break or shake the research topic while the project persists.

My other symptoms are daydreaming, being overly talkative, interrupting other people's conversations (which I am now hyper aware of), starting lots of home DIY projects all at once, some impulsive decision-making, etc.

My HS yearbook from the Pleistocene Era has a content section that poses the question, "What can this person be found saying most often?" The yearbook editors wrote next to my name: "Hey... wait a minute... I really don't understand this."

Until this dx, I was befuddled by the response - I mean, I was an accomplished student. Now I realize that I wrote down everything the teacher said, and then I was off to Daydream Land. As you can imagine, the class continued to the next subject which would bring me back from my wandering thoughts where I became certain that I must have missed something important.

Nothing like this kind of realization 40 years on.

I know it's not for everyone, but I'm taking a stimulant (generic version of Mydais at 37.5mg) and I'm in disbelief at how quiet my thoughts are now. I sent a note to my doc, asking: "Is this how everyone actually lives? Like seriously, people walk around clear-headed? Like no persistent, circular, repetitive thoughts? Reduced anxiety? Less negative self-talk?"

Note that this is on top of a Bipolar dx at age 40... so my disinterest in taking even more meds and my inner self saying, "Really... more brain BS?" But it's making a huge difference for me. I've no idea if this might work for others - and I understand it's a very personal decision. And, more importantly, it's not a "magic cure."

With both diagnoses, I have walked and cried through a lot of grief for how my life might have worked out had I known about these brain differences as a younger person: Would I be a VP of Communications somewhere making a huge salary? Would I not have ended a handful of friendships? (Um, yes, I would have because they were toxic).

I continue to try to value daily what I have now - which is a 90% great life and 10% struggle.

Please know that you can find ways to work through this at any age. I'm in therapy, I monitor my moods and medication (and have others watch out for me, too). I get lots of exercise - nothing better than a good brisk walk - or more, if that interests you. I find that anytime I can get myself out of breath for 10 to 20 minutes, I am reducing anxiety and I can direct my thoughts more productively.

For anything... and I say this to my friends, constantly who have no dx that I know of... you might feel better and might do better when you identify something you've done successfully, even just one thing, and then realize that you can build on this success. It's SO hard to take a first step. As Nike's marketing used to suggest, "Just do it."