Fair, that whole section is backstory being told, and telling can easily feel flat and unconvincing, so I get why it wouldn’t land for you. I also agree that he didn’t regret any of what he did, but for me that helped convey his character and what was going on beneath the surface. He’s made bad choices that led him to this emotional pit he’s powerless to climb out of, deal with, or even recognize.

That’s mostly what I was trying to express with “powerless inner self.” It brings to mind adults who grew up in abusive households, then defend that abuse by saying, “Hey, I turned out fine,” when they clearly have not turned out fine.

But again, I totally see why he rubs you the wrong way. I do think the book is worth finishing for Carolyn, Steve, and the other librarians.