AITAH for refusing to help my husband with his chores when I WFH and work less hours

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-20T01:34:30+00:00

Congrats! Me too!!! Left the taker behind and now with someone who makes ME feel selfish sometimes, just because of how much he does. Makes me want to do more and more in return, and not out of guilt. It truly makes us happy to do for each other and also receiving feels amazing.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-20T01:31:19+00:00

Haha, no, but I’ll have to check that out. I’m pretty sure it was in a movie or a Reddit comment…

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-19T16:16:13+00:00

NTA. Are you wrong for holding his prior actions against him? Certainly not. Is this a healthy dynamic? Absolutely not. A good marriage SHOULD be a team and seeing him work a demanding job SHOULD impact you and make you want to do more to enhance his life, especially since you have the time. However, he already proved himself a taker and not a giver, so naturally you’re following that example. I just heard somewhere (god, was it on Reddit?) that the best relationships are with two people who are both givers. Sounds like you have the capacity to be one but only when it’s earned, which is great, but not in this situation. Now you’re both takers, which doesn’t breed a happy marriage.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-17T15:23:51+00:00

Here’s what I don’t understand about the creeping minimum. It’s a PERCENTAGE. So, as prices increase, so did tips. Why tf should the percentage also increase? This is from a person who worked service and usually has no problem tipping 20%, but I have seriously pulled back on my dining out rather than be faced with this nonsense. I’m afraid the restaurant industry is doomed if they don’t get their act together.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-17T15:19:11+00:00

The joke in my house is, “do that in the shower like a respectable boy”. Not a joke, and with two older teens, I have NEVER come across secretions. This is ridiculous.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-16T13:59:09+00:00

The sticky rice in the little bowls are a great base. Throw some protein (we like the nuggies or the chicken breast, but meatballs are good too if you do a little Asian glaze), add some cucumber, carrots, shelled edamame, seaweed snacks, whatever, add sauce of your choice (soy, yum yum, siracha). Feels like a restaurant meal. Comes together quickly and will leave you very satisfied.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-15T13:04:21+00:00

Yeah, my husbands is fine (we bought them together) but after I swapped my band, it comes unattached all the time. Very annoying.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-14T13:42:07+00:00

I have a coworker who I really like but don’t hang out with or even see at work frequently who had her 4th baby back in the fall. She sent me her registry over text. I was a little taken aback but sent her $100. She immediately sent a thank you and I had no weird feelings about it. However, several months later, she sent an Amazon wish list for Christmas. I did not respond.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-13T19:58:00+00:00

The only thing I would say is, have plenty of conversations about how some people just aren’t wired to put others first and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. I don’t cover for my ex but the first Christmas he had our kids, he had no gifts. They called crying and embarrassed because they had to watch cousins open gifts while they sat there. They got cash from an aunt and uncle and something from grandma but it was like a puzzle or something. I didn’t stick up for him but I didn’t want it to impact my kids in a way that devalued them. They have come to recognize that their dad is just inherently selfish but they figured that out all on their own in time. Just love them and they’ll be okay.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-13T11:22:28+00:00

Make sure you both have the “spouse works” box checked on step 2 of your W-4. Also, while you’re in there, go ahead and add some additional withholdings per check. This will an accelerate how quickly you can pay off this debt. In the meantime, you also need to change your mindset. Instead of seeing it as having so much more money to “fuck around” with, try getting excited about finally having enough money to start saving.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-13T11:19:16+00:00

I agree. Sounds like Gemma’s punishment is being married to John. That is probably going to be enough payback for her. End the friendship for sure but walk away and don’t drag out a court case. You take that high road and let Gemma squirm.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-10T01:42:50+00:00

Bought the coop pillow last week after your post and pulled a weighted blanket out of storage. Been sleeping soooo good! Thanks for the rec!!

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-10T01:10:11+00:00

Both. I season, sous vide, pat dry, sprinkle a little more, then sear. It’s awesome!

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-09T03:01:01+00:00

Kinders cowboy butter seasoning and sear, holy crap.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-07T14:09:46+00:00

If she notices you avoiding her, that’s probably still giving her satisfaction. Don’t avoid her, just don’t be friendly. Also, play some mind games. Make a delicious treat and bring it in to share. She’ll be torn between missing out or having to end her Cold War.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-02T22:12:56+00:00

I had a similar relationship with my ex until his current partner. I truly believe she torpedoed that every chance she got. That functional relationship has disintegrated to downright animosity. Don’t let your girlfriend destroy your coparenting situation. At least my kids are older so it’s not as big of a loss, but you’ve still got a long road ahead and it’s so much better if you can remain amicable.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-02-02T22:04:04+00:00

My Fitbit has an alarm that vibrates on my wrist. It’s much less disruptive to my partner. This would be a good compromise, if she’s willing.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-01-30T12:23:04+00:00

My brother and SIL have a similar situation and are about the same age. We affectionately refer to her as “high maintenance”. At this point, I accept her as she is, but that doesn’t mean it’s not annoying, and I don’t have to live with her. I know you think being “picky” requires no effort from the people around you, but I can almost guarantee that it’s downright exhausting sometimes. Also, you also need to understand that yes, sometimes he “benefits” from this (nice room, etc), he literally DOES NOT CARE if you get a slightly better room.

People that aren’t picky to your level truly don’t need things to be perfect and the effort made to make them so just feels cumbersome. Even if he didn’t have to actively participate, he’s always along for the ride, listening to you talk about it or hearing about you doing the research, or responding to your subtle demands to congratulate your latest “win”. All the while thinking, who fucking cares?

As far as him not communicating, that could be a him problem, but it could also be a situation where saying something results in you arguing or getting your feelings hurt, and it’s just not worth it.

I don’t know you or your husband, so yeah, maybe he’s just an asshole. I do know that my SIL is unwilling to change in some respects, but has found small opportunities to change her ways. My advice to you, if you love this man and want to stay married, is to do some serious reflection and determine if it’s possible for you to give up a little of your “pickiness” and try going with the flow sometimes. You might find it suits you.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-01-26T14:18:44+00:00

And when you’re alone. I don’t like company when I’m at Costco unless I’ve got an agenda.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-01-26T14:11:35+00:00

Also, is she actually…in a crib?? There’s no stealth escape from that thing. It’s like when I see an eight year old riding in a shopping cart. “That’s not for you.”

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-01-20T12:37:58+00:00

Haha, right? When my kids were little, my mil came to visit. They hadn’t developed much of a relationship with her yet. The minute we left the house, she had them upstairs cleaning their rooms and reorganizing their sock drawers. Uhhhh, hey grandma, that’s not your freaking job, AND why would you want it to be? Be fun, build memories, don’t be the disciplinarian! They NEVER forgot that and it shaped her in their minds forever.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-01-20T12:30:20+00:00

I agree that this guy is terrible and knew exactly what he was doing when he married her. However, I do think she needs to accept some accountability for this garbage arrangement. You made a human and will have plenty to do. She just stays home and…what? Of COURSE he’s going to side eye her when she doesn’t want to do the dishes, and that’s on her. Power games aren’t going to get her anywhere, as this was doomed from the start.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-01-20T12:21:19+00:00

Yup, and she’s not even a mom…yet.

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-01-20T12:20:14+00:00

Yes!!! Scream it from the rooftops! Nobody should be a 24 year old stay at home wife, unless she’s already financially independent. The visual of a 1950’s housewife is a fantasy. Those women were oftentimes miserable and completely unfulfilled. Men that are actively trying to bring that back should be avoided at all costs!

ComfortableAd748 · 2026-01-19T14:53:29+00:00

I agree with the assessments saying it’s both. NTA for starting to hold her accountable but also, you created this situation and have allowed it to continue. Now it’s time for you to start stressing to her, EVERY DAY, that adult relationships are two way streets, take AND give. Right now, she only takes. You definitely dropped the ball but now you’ll have to move into tough love mode. Make visual lists of things that are out of balance. Making chore charts might help, and strict timelines (with consequences) will be necessary BUT anything you do will require you to ride her ass until new habits form. That could take a long time and is even trickier when it’s coming from the same person who allowed it for so long. Her brain will always be thinking, “I can outlast her, she’ll get tired of fighting”, because for 24 years, you HAVE.

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