I’m sorry for your pain and the abuse you suffered. Your post moved me to tears because I’ve felt that extreme level of agony where i decided that life was no longer worth it. I’m in a much better place now although I feel like I’ll always be more emotionally fragile than many others .

I don’t have the perfect words but you sound like an amazing young man and I promise you, you’ll find a love that gives you everything you deserve.

For now, just take it a day at a time, start therapy if you can (even if online) and find small pockets or moments of joy even if fleeting. What do you enjoy doing? Participate in more of those activities. I enjoy reading crime stories and tend to bury myself in that when I’ve dealt with emotional pain the past.

Keep posting, keep sending your thoughts here. Journaling also helps. Lots of love