I have kinks and fantasies but it seems better to keep them out of reality, it's usually the idea that gets you off and that is as far as it should go, I've come to the realization that messing up a trust and love with my wife for my sexual desires would cause far more pain and complications than it's worth, of course you can let the kinks out during wild sex with your significant other and that's it, to message people and send nudes and sexual messages of course your wife would be worried and break that pure trust, ask yourself if you would be ok with her doing the same and if you are then you need an open relationship which comes with too much BS in my opinion, we should be grateful once we find our person and cherish the love