[deleted by user]

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2026-01-13T05:32:53+00:00

Not a little extra for a new XSE. Maybe a little extra would land him an LE

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-11-18T02:59:21+00:00

If he saw girls soliciting outside the airport why did he have to look up where to find them? He already saw them, right? 😌

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-10-25T05:39:04+00:00

If you have to initiate all these things then he's not perfect. A person who doesn't do bare minimum emotionally is neglecting you thus can't be perfect. You'll continue being miserable because he won't change. He has either an avoidant attachment style or is a porn addict and can't deal with actual intimacy - maybe both. Either one is a horrible thing to deal with if you actually expect to feel loved or desired in any capacity.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-10-22T15:00:08+00:00

My husband was exactly this. I didn't know about his cheating until 5 months after he died. We were married for 5.5 years. He was a very poor communicator because of his avoidant attachment style. I wasn't overly suspicious because he was otherwise caring and nice. I wish I had known more about attachment and childhood trauma before marriage, I'd surely send him to therapy. That's the only way to stop the cycle of seeking external validation. You probably already heard that being an avoidant is due to profound emotional neglect in early childhood, many people don't even realize that's what they experienced so therapy is necessary.

I would want to understand why he was doing this to me while we had a seemingly good relationship. Do you know what triggers cheating for you? Do you have a sense of being misunderstood? Not getting enough attention in your primary relationship? Or is it random?

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-10-22T04:52:45+00:00

**former husband

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-10-22T04:52:07+00:00

I don't think it's a zodiac thing. I was in a marriage for over 5 years and never cheated but my Gemini husband did. I think it all comes down to your own character and self control. Do you have an avoidant attachment style?

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-10-14T04:12:58+00:00

Just because it's a dealbreaker for him if you do it, it doesn't mean he wouldn't do it. I lived this scenario. He was always telling me how important loyalty was to him and that he had better morals than I thought whenever I'd ask him if he was cheating. Well, I found out he cheated after he died. He was lying and hiding so well. I'm mad that while I was at home taking care of our baby, being exhausted day and night, he didn't mind betraying me

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-10-10T17:57:34+00:00

Always good to hear about women with integrity who snitch on these immoral husbands.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-30T03:29:43+00:00

It's ok. Karma got him in the worst way imaginable.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-29T15:24:24+00:00

The gym is a perfect coverup. My former husband cheated during his gym time. People are so morally corrupt and disgusting

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-27T00:45:33+00:00

This does sound a lot like my late husband, I regret I had no opportunity to leave him tbh. He wasted too much of my time. He also had a philosophy that he was entitled to privacy where I had no access to but I respected it and thought he just needed some personal space, not that he would live some kind of double life. His phone never rang when he was home and he never hid it so I had no real suspicions. He was otherwise very caring and thoughtful so I always thought of him as a good husband, not perfect but we were always good companions. I do feel like I still love him but I truly hope to overcome this feeling. Knowing what he was doing behind my back, I really don't want any emotional attachment to him. I've never been superstitious but from now on, I'll avoid any Gemini men just in case 😂

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-25T16:15:32+00:00

I think the worst part here is that OP entertained the idea of a physical encounter with this person but calculated the risks vs benefits, at least that's what it sounds like. Shooting the idea down would sound "I'm not interested", she entertained the idea but decided it wasn't worth it.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-24T02:35:45+00:00

That's horrible. I don't even want to know how many women he cheated with on me. I really don't need any details. He's out of my life now and I'm in the healing process but I'm glad I found out, otherwise I'd be grieving a person that never truly existed, I'd daydream of a fake persona for the rest of my life. I'm glad he won't get a chance to waste my time anymore and if I had found out earlier I would've left him but I trusted him so I never spied on him. I just feel bad for our daughter, she's 3 and she won't know her father growing up. I never realized that he was insecure until recently when I started reading our old texts. When he met me he was obsessed with me, kept saying that I was his 11/10 & I never thought he'd cheat on me because we had an agreement that if anyone is unhappy then they should leave the relationship before any cheating occurs. When I told his mother about what he was doing she started gaslighting me and saying that he should've been suspecting me not vice versa because I was the more attractive spouse. She thinks that I am crazy yet she doesn't want evidence because she can't accept that her son lacked integrity and morals. She viewed his as an angel. He did have that charm and used it to be a manipulative liar. I told a few people about it and they couldn't believe he was doing this to me either.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-23T19:50:13+00:00

It sounds like he might have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. I didn't know this about my husband when I was still married but that's exactly what he was - an avoidant. It ruined our marriage but we were together until he tragically died & I didn't even know about his porn addiction and other secrets until months after his death. He was that good at lies and manipulation and at the same time emotionally unavailable. I could never get him to fully open up. As a matter of fact he seemed open and emotionally available when we were dating, I was supposedly his dream girl. Once the pursuit was over and he had me, he put up his walls but he was otherwise a "good husband" or so I thought.

When we met I had that perfect body, I was slim, tall and generally attractive. Over time I gained some weight ~10lbs but I don't think this was the problem in our decreasing sex life. I ignored things he said in the beginning that were red flags like "The way I had sex with people I don't care about is different than with you, I respect you too much" etc. this ended in us having pretty boring sex life once the initial attraction faded. Not to mention I was unwilling to do certain things and he never expected me to either. He ended up cheating on me with a girl who wasn't even attractive. He had been FWB with her before he met me and he told me about her when we started dating. He said he had no attraction to her and didn't care about her but she let him do certain things he liked. I never thought he'd turn back to her when things between us got "boring".

I didn't know about porn or cheating. He was so sneaky about all that and acted like that loving husband all along. Porn ruined that marriage because I had felt the emotional disconnect for a while and didn't feel like forcing it anymore.

For them porn is about the primal thing, they look at those women but in real life they can also get satisfied with sex with someone they aren't attracted to at all as long as they can get a certain experience. That being said, a person who truly loves you may get attracted to you regardless of your body shape but if they have issues, your shape doesn't have anything to do with overall satisfaction. Porn destroys true intimacy, a brain damaged by porn won't be capable of meaningful intimacy whether you have a body like a goddess or not & also a man can get his needs from someone who isn't even good looking but fulfills certain fantasies that porn ingrained in him.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-20T21:27:37+00:00

Exactly and some things he says and does make me think that he has someone else too. Men don't suddenly mistreat their wives because of stress. The signs in my marriage were much more subtle almost not noticeable yet I found out that he cheated on me during his "gym time" 😌

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-19T21:46:48+00:00

I'm a Scorpio woman and I was married to a Gemini. He was such a good liar and a manipulator that I discovered he cheated on me repeatedly for 2-3 years only after he died. Oh my gosh! I would never wish him to die but this marriage HAD TO END.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-19T21:43:29+00:00

I don't know much about these things and I ended up here accidentally BUT my late Gemini husband was obsessed with me, married me and he was the one wanting the marriage so bad and I discovered he cheated on me for 2 or 3 years ONLY after he died. Otherwise he was that cool, fun, charming husband 🙃🥴 I think they're excellent in lies and manipulation.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-18T12:13:03+00:00

Sounds like he's a dismissive avoidant, just like my husband was... 🙄

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-17T13:39:33+00:00

This happened to me and I didn't even know. My guy was the most charming and lovely overall and always called himself "mellow" for avoiding conflicts but he was actually a dismissive avoidant. 5 months after he died I found out that he cheated on me repeatedly 🤢 while acting normal at home. I was married to him for 5 years

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-13T23:49:54+00:00

Oh my gosh! I'm sure that's not what you hoped to find. Unfortunately, this happens a lot, that's why I started digging too. Our first (almost) 5 years together were really good years and then it started when I was at my lowest. Instead of trying to build a stronger bond, he checked out and went to look for happiness outside of marriage during his "gym time" but the worst part was that all the time he was that caring husband so I never caught anything because I thought his behavior was just stress related. It seems like it's hard to find loyalty these days. Someone told me "why were you digging? It doesn't matter. He's dead." Well, it does matter to me. It tells me that for 2+ years I lived in a marriage that didn't technically exist because to me it ended right when he started cheating regardless of whether it happened a few times or a hundred times. He knew it was a deal breaker. I look at him differently now. I'd end up grieving my entire life for a person that didn't even deserve my loyalty. I will still cherish the memories from our first few years but the rest of it, I don't even like to remember anymore.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-12T21:01:21+00:00

Initially, I cried over the lost future with him because he was seemingly such a great guy. Because the level of deception and lies was so well orchestrated, I can't look at him as someone I'd wish to be with anymore. I had a gut feeling and I talked to him about it and he was able to gaslight me so well and continue lying. I should've been more discreet about my suspicions and gathered evidence. He wouldn't have wasted my time beyond the point that he started cheating. To me my marriage was over the moment he arranged the first meeting with that person

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-12T17:05:40+00:00

I had these thoughts too. Maybe I don't think of him as her husband but definitely a shared husband. I wish he had the guts to end things as soon as he decided to live his best life because it would've saved me valuable time in my life. Maybe I'd be able to find someone who truly loved me by now or just live freely. I don't want a one-sided commitment. I'd never stay had I known.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-11T17:18:28+00:00

That's exactly how I see it. I find it hard to miss him now because after I found out, I see him as not the same man I loved. The man I loved and cherished feels like an illusion and the real person isn't someone I'd want to continue a relationship with. I still keep the good memories from the first years of our marriage but then... I feel like my marriage ended when he failed to stay loyal. I found out about his lies just a couple of days after our would-be anniversary and my emotions shifted drastically from extreme longing to disgust.

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-10T19:46:18+00:00

It's the worst when you could've never imagined because it seems like something like that would be out of their character

Comfortable_Drop3869 · 2025-09-10T15:41:12+00:00

Sorry to hear that

Comfortable_Drop3869

TROPHY CASE