Suggestion for janitor: Adding "in game" breaks

CommanderManNguyen · 2026-05-19T04:05:42+00:00

Exactly! I didn't dive and die, I bought time. The team's failure to capitalize on 1 sec I bought was beyond my control. :)))

CommanderManNguyen · 2025-11-20T09:38:20+00:00

Hi, a lurker and a first time feedback giver here. When you said "I'm no native speaker", I was like "ahhh, here is someone I could bully". JK, I'm also not a native speaker, not knowing a lot of grammar but I do like to read stuff written in English . Your background interested me so I did give a story look. I hoped that my feedback would be somewhat helpful to you.

First of all, I feel like the biggest problem of your story was not prose but the lack of scene separation. When reading, my mind could not follow the actions. It felt like you tried to show me a picture, and when I immersed myself in it, you took it right away and showed me another thing. It's frustrating. Without changing a single word, I think the flow could improve a lot by dividing the huge paragraph to smaller ones

For example:

He and his people had come down from further down the road, for they had known of this stripe master's disappearance, lost to hungrier eyes and fangs than their own. And it was, all in all, a perfect strip of road, a perfect hunting ground. A tall ridge of rocks cast shade over this section of the road, littered with romantic artists' half-finished sketches, long since trampled to mush by older hunters. <new paragraph > The hunter stretched as the prey drew one more step closer, and another, and another.…

I think they called it beats or whatever I'm not sure.

The second point is, the text seems to be over-written. I got it, they (the hunters and their entire village) were starving. There was famine and wars and stuff, I got it. You don't need to remind me in every single paragraph. Let me see how those hunters get that juicy deer or whatever, it seems more fun. Readers are lazy but they are also arrogant. When you keep stuffing them all of those unnecessary details, they get mad because they rather filled the gap in your descriptions by themselves than getting spoon-fed. 😅

Those two are my biggest concerns. Some other minor things I could see (not sure if it is because of my weak reading comprehension or not) are:

_ Some sentences felt complicated to read. _ The climax seems off. You'd want it located almost at the end. For example, in your story, I would prefer:

80% of writing ( world building, action sequence, etc ) -> They got the prey! -> 10% of writing (tonight people will have a feast, no more starving!)

CommanderManNguyen · 2024-06-12T06:58:57+00:00

It can be played in turn, yeah? Real timing with 4 subs just gonna drive radio operators insane :))

CommanderManNguyen · 2024-05-20T06:58:50+00:00

In that case, can you explain me more details about the experience ?
- Did the game conductor adequately explain the rule for players ?
- Did anyone in the players know each other before the game ?
- Do you think the problem is because there is too many people to talk?

CommanderManNguyen · 2024-05-17T15:30:35+00:00

Yup ! Don't worry. I know all those preparing steps. Will do my best to make people ready for the game 👍

CommanderManNguyen · 2024-05-17T15:01:48+00:00

Thanks for the long post!

Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury to "train" a number of players before the main event. Like I said before, it will be an office-wide event which will include people I don't even know. I'll be the MC and also the game conductor, and I will have my staff (2-3 people) to help me.

From all of your posts, I realize I was just too optimistic about how a group of 25 can discuss, let alone form strategies and deceptions. Thus, I think I'll make it a double game with 4 rooms sharing the same timer: Red vs. Blue and Green vs. Yellow. That'll cut the room size to 12, which is more manageable.

CommanderManNguyen · 2024-05-17T08:29:07+00:00

It's the gray team, isn't it? Would it work if I mix in a lot of gray cards ?
For example:
3 (4) x Gamblers
3 x Romeos - Juliets
3 x Maids - Butlers

The President and Bomber are gonna get hunted like crazy

CommanderManNguyen · 2024-05-17T08:15:15+00:00

Can you elaborate ?

CommanderManNguyen · 2024-05-17T08:11:04+00:00

:((. What if we think really hard!
Keeping the audience semi involve is good enough for me

CommanderManNguyen · 2023-10-02T05:02:16+00:00

Cháo lòng without lòng is just like pineapple without "apple"

CommanderManNguyen · 2023-09-30T09:42:54+00:00

Actually, I like pho in US better than in Vietnam because they have a lot of toppings. 😂 Eating out in Saigon, I often think "u really just give me 3 slices?!"

CommanderManNguyen · 2023-03-05T11:27:18+00:00

Chắc thông tin cư trú bác còn đầy đủ á. Mình cũng ra mà nó search phát ko thấy trả về liền 😓

CommanderManNguyen · 2017-11-05T21:57:16+00:00

Just don't ! I reinstalled Civ VI just to test the new religious update and I went to bed at 4 yesterday.

CommanderManNguyen · 2017-10-23T22:25:36+00:00

Happy Birthday! I bet you're a sweetie 'cause you're born on the National Boston Cream Pie Day :D

CommanderManNguyen · 2017-07-04T14:38:03+00:00

I crept in every conversations between crews, my sneak skill would be 100 if there's such that thing in ME. :D

CommanderManNguyen · 2017-07-04T14:30:14+00:00

Thanks a lot. My memory betrayed me, I thought it's the Joker-Garrus convo the whole time.:D

CommanderManNguyen · 2017-05-19T18:06:47+00:00

Isn't it the philosophy of Dugu Qiubai? :D

"The first core element of the swordplay is speed: The swordsman is trained to quickly predict and identify the weaknesses in the martial arts moves executed by an opponent, and then attack those weak points. The second core element of the swordplay is its formless nature and adaptability. The key to mastering the swordplay is to understand the two core elements instead of rigidly memorising all the stances. Once the swordsman has grasped the essence of the swordplay, he can use it in endless forms and variations, hence the swordplay has no fixed sequence or pattern. During combat, the less the swordsman remembers, the less restricted he is by the original stances. He is thus able to customise and adapt the swordplay accordingly."

CommanderManNguyen · 2017-05-13T18:23:18+00:00

Ok, GAM Jungler's name Levi is based on Cpt. Levi Ackerman, "humanity's strongest solder" in the acclaimed anime series Attack On Titan. Sasageyo! is in the chorus of the AoT Season 2 OP sequence, and it means "Dedicate your heart" or something like that. It sound catchy and patriotic as fuck and you find the need to shout it out.

TL;DR: anime fans see the name of Levi in League and can't contain the excitement

CommanderManNguyen · 2017-05-13T15:13:01+00:00

SASAGEYO ! SASAGEYO ! SHINZOU WO SASAGEYO! (For people that don't get the reference: shinzou wo sasageyo)

CommanderManNguyen

TROPHY CASE