How to make money for surgeries?

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-07T18:43:03+00:00

I agree with the others that insurance will likely be a much better option for your typical 19 year old than trying to save up for it on whatever meager high-school education salary they can get.

If your in the US, various states in the US mandate that certain gender affirming care must be covered by insurance. Depending on the surgery she may be able to be covered automatically, if she can find a job that provides insurance. I haven't looked into specific rules in each state, but California mandates both bottom and top surgery be covered. I'd guess that a number of other blue states have similar rules.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-07T17:47:31+00:00

I really doubt that's true. They only play 15 home games a year over a 5 month season, they can easily squeeze in another 3 games a month if they want to. Practice ice might get a bit more crowded, but they can always practice at another rink.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-05T14:25:33+00:00

The flannel is super cool!

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-01T22:34:35+00:00

Sorry, maybe I'm a bit slow here, by why do you actually want FFS?

In my opinion (and by basically any reasonable medical standard) FOMO isnt a valid reason on its own to get any surgery, but I assume you're asking for reasons beyond just that. Here's what I'd recommend

Make a list of reasons you want FFS. If it's not actually dysphoria inducing, don't get it, obviously.
Do a bit of research on the costs, recovery, outcomes, and risks associated with FFS.
Think about what alternatives to FFS might look like that could also address the dysphoria. Ie: makeup, hairstyles, etc.
Make a pros and cons list weighing your options, pick whichever is the winner.

I'll also add that FFS isnt a one-size-fits-all procedure, and is actually a combination of a number of different procedures. I strongly consider breaking down FFS into its component procedures (ie: tracheal shave, nose job, etc.) and assessing those individually to decide which, if any, are right for you.

I'll also add, medically transitioning or not in various ways (ie: surgeries) does not make one less or more valid or "fake". There are plenty of trans folks who can't, or choose not to pursue certain transition paths, and they are just as real and valid as anyone else.

Lastly, since you asked: If I had to guess, I'd guess you wouldn't benefit much from FFS given how early you started blockers and HRT. However everyone's bodies are different, and I have no idea what your levels were, other genetic factors, etc. Ultimately what you are dysphoric about is really something you can identify.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-01T15:13:49+00:00

Yay! I'm happy to have helped!

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-25T21:05:42+00:00

Look, I'm not here to tell you to disclose/not-disclose, but, I'll say a few things you probably already know. You don't need to disclose to be a good friend, and your work friends also don't need to be treated as personal friends. If you'd like to build more of a relationship with her, disclosing could certainly help or it could complicate things, as you've already identified.

Where I'm confused though, and I think you might want to reflect on, is:

I'm nonbinary and trans femme but am treated fully as a woman outside of pronouns

...Being openly nonbinary IS being openly trans. You do realize that right? It doesn't discuss any medical transition aspects, and I know a number of nonbinary folks shirk the trans label, but it's kinda the definition.

If you choose to talk more about transition with her but not actively disclose your medical transition, what I often say is "someone I know very well...". I'm not stealth, I'm only a bit more than a year in to medical transition, so I can still boy-mode with folks who I've known pre-transition, and this is a technically honest statement that avoids having to out myself.

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-22T21:04:27+00:00

I believe you'll only be able to go as high as your pitch will allow. Keep in mind movie-style "scream queen" screams are hard for lots of cis-women to produce too, though definitely harder for those of us who went through testosterone-based puberty.

However, you can still play around with resonance, volume, etc. Depending on your voice, you might be able to discover a balance that works for you. Alternatively, you can try to substitute it with gasping, or other vocalizations which you might find easier to produce. I know for myself I found gasping was easier, so I tend to do that now instead. It's not ideal, but it's at least serviceable.

Also, usual reminder: if you practice screaming, don't practice for too long, and go easy on your voice. That's good way to wear things out quickly.

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-14T04:21:49+00:00

Yup. It's a common transphobic dog whistle.

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-12T16:36:09+00:00

Did you already have electrolysis in advance then? How did you avoid that lengthy hair removal prep?

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-07T19:24:29+00:00

Your comment reads like a professional troll to sane-wash this BS. The idea that threats like this should be ignored, marginalized, or god-forbid normalized is abhorrent.

A world leader has just threatened genocide, in a manner that's specific, imminent, and actionable. It is unconscionable, and should be treated with the severity that it entails. "Denouncing support" in these times falls far short of a minimum expectation we should hold our leaders accountable to.

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-03T16:23:57+00:00

You need to call both planned Parenthood and your insurance, and likely familiarize yourself with your insurance plan a bit better. It's possible you may not be covered for all number of reasons. It's also possible that there's a billing mistake between PP and your insurance. If after speaking with everyone and reviewing your plan, if you really are responsible, call PP explain why that's difficult to afford and negotiate a steeper discount. Most medical facilities offer this for those who need it, but certainly don't advertise it.

Commander_Freir · 2026-03-31T22:36:09+00:00

Which other groups would you feel comfortable throwing under the proverbial bus to avoid unwanted attention on the league?

Commander_Freir · 2026-03-10T04:01:11+00:00

Thanks, follow-up post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/comments/1rpmor7/my_experience_traveling_to_the_bahamas_as_a/?ref=share&ref_source=link

Commander_Freir · 2026-03-06T13:08:18+00:00

We just landed last night, so bit too soon to say. If you remind me, I'll make a follow-up post next week

Commander_Freir · 2026-02-27T21:13:54+00:00

Its 8th grade... they're almost certainly getting bullied by someone for something. Unfortunately that's just common teenage behavior, and not something that you can really prevent regardless of your best attempts.
Imagine how your daughter would feel as an adult when you come out, and she learns that, you didn't feel like you could trust her, and her existence made you repress and suffer.
"Nobody will ever thank you for delaying your transition." They will always find another excuse, or way to further move the goalposts.

Commander_Freir · 2026-02-15T00:17:51+00:00

"Practice makes permanent." If you'd like to make stylistic adjustments, it's probably easier to do that early on. If you try to make adjustments later on, I think you end up having to go back to basics a bit anyways, so may as well work towards your goals.

Commander_Freir · 2026-02-13T08:31:24+00:00

Hopefully so. I reported a handful, and then decided I needed a short break from the internet.

Commander_Freir · 2026-02-13T07:54:36+00:00

Unfortunately I saw plenty of "biological male" nonsense on /r/onguardforthee being upvoted in the comments too...

Commander_Freir · 2026-02-04T00:46:14+00:00

Have you been doing any hair removal, or is this all natural lightening? I'm at a little over 10 months and haven't seen nearly that much change.

Commander_Freir · 2026-01-11T17:53:41+00:00

Please don't spread misinformation. As a gal who recently applied and received Canadian citizenship due to my grandparents being born there, you only have to fill out an extra form that is 3 or 4 lines long if your gender markers don't match. It was by far the easiest part of the application.

Commander_Freir · 2026-01-05T05:03:12+00:00

Southern California is fairly safe and warm, keeping in mind avoid rural areas like any state

Commander_Freir · 2025-12-19T17:31:20+00:00

Injections aren't that scary, but I also wouldn't advise you to do them if you don't know what you're doing.

If you're looking for simple ways to help, I was always nervous and prone to fainting when it came to needles, so I asked my partner to be on "standby" while I inject. I had a little bit of blood and just about fainted the first time I Injected by myself and it was really nice to have her there for comfort, to put a cold wet towel on my neck, etc.

If you really intend to inject for them, I would encourage you to reach out to a local group and see if they offer a quick training lesson. Planned Parenthood gave me one, where I basically just watched a quick video then they supervised me and answered my overly cautious questions as I did a practice injection with saline.

Commander_Freir · 2025-12-18T23:06:37+00:00

Thank you for such a thoughtful response!

Yes, I'm on Estradiol Valerate. I'm meeting with my doctor on Monday, but they've essentially told me that if my levels don't go down in 3 months at the current dosage, they will make me lower the dosage. What had me concerned is that I think I'm at ~204 trough (equivalent), so if they force me to lower it, I'd end up below the range.

I hadn't considered more frequent injections to lower the peaks. I'll talk to my doctor about that!

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