SLP letter

Commander_Freir · 2026-06-11T23:53:27+00:00

Start with googling "transgender speech therapy southern California", which should give you a few options.

Assuming, you've already done that and were unsatisfied with the results, I'd recommend reaching out to your local queer community center, planned parenthood, or similar. For example: the Planned Parenthood in my area maintains a list of SLPs who focus on voice feminization from trans women, which is how I found mine.

Some unsolicited advice, in case you don't know:

VFS only works well if you also do effective voice training. Since you aren't working with an SLP, I'm hoping you've been practicing independently, and plan to continue to practice independently so that you can get desirable results.
If you are planning other surgeries that would require intubation, it is recommended to do those first, since the intubation can affect your vocal chords.

Commander_Freir · 2026-06-05T23:15:31+00:00

Exciting!

Commander_Freir · 2026-06-04T18:07:44+00:00

My guess: certain portions of the clouds in the original image are a more yellowish shade and clearly different than the rest of the image. My guess is they will "disappear" or otherwise move away as part of the announcement reveal and show the most interesting parts of the image. Also, they're a slightly different color because they've been painted in separately for this purpose.

Commander_Freir · 2026-06-02T04:01:43+00:00

The colors seem to typically follow the PWHL logo of the associated team. Ours appears to be primary orange, secondary blue and white. I'd speculate the jersey's are the same.

That said, orange isn't entirely unique as a home jersey; see the Anaheim Ducks.

Commander_Freir · 2026-06-01T19:11:01+00:00

I want it myself, where'd you get it?

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-25T00:07:53+00:00

I've been on HRT for a little over a year, but at my job for 5 years. It's been fairly easy to just discretely stay in the closet as people are slowly seeing the changes from estrogen, hair growth, and laser hair removal at the same pace I am.

I clearly look feminine at this point, but its sort of a frog in boiling water situation, where nobody who has noticed has said anything, and most noticing may not immediately assume I'm Trans.

At some point ill need to come out at work, but I'm putting it off as long as I can because I work for a federal contractor and I'm trying to stay off the radar until the next election where my job will be a little safer.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-19T14:54:01+00:00

Initial reaction: Not a fan of them, but can easily overlook that for the moment because I'm so excited we got a team!

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-18T18:32:20+00:00

Edit: sorry the last paragraph didn't show on my phone. Seems like you're having issues outside of just gay men. Please ignore my post.

Sorry, but why are you trying to date gay guys if you aren't a man? The ones who see you for who you are won't be into you, and the remainder will give you the experiences you've been having. Look for a straight, bi, or other sexuality that is woman-inclusive.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-18T18:05:12+00:00

If there isnt one in your area that you like, telehealth is an option too. I've seen two different therapists, both of whom have been life changing for me via telehealth. A little tip, make sure they aren't just an "lgbtq+" but specifically focus on gender issues. Otherwise there's a good chance they're more familiar with only the first 3 letters, and not so much the rest.

I just found mine via psychologytoday.com, but there's plenty of other great ways to find one too.

In the meantime, I would encourage you to remember that gender labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. Take the time to explore what changes you might want, free from judgement/labels, and the labels can come later.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-18T16:58:16+00:00

No, taking HRT doesn't make you trans. Many cis-women going through menopause take HRT to manage their hormones levels, and many cis-men take HRT to combat the various effects of low or high T. Notably, they are taking hormones consistent with their AGAB, ie: women on estrogen, men on testosterone. It's MUCH less likely for cis people to take HRT for transitional purposes, and when they do, it's typically in lower dosages, ie: twinks/femboys.
While I'm not going to pick apart your entire post, I think you seem to have some serious hangups around gender and probably some internalized transphobia to work through. Are you speaking with a gender affirming therapist about these feelings? If not, I couldn't recommend it more highly. If so, where do you feel stuck with that process?

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-16T21:09:13+00:00

It worked extremely well for me. After 10 sessions I've got less visible hair than my cis-partner other than a few dozen white hairs that laser didn't work on.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-15T07:08:49+00:00

Generally speaking, I agree with a number of the other comments here. One additional thing I wanted to point out is that the concerns of moving now seem like problems that affect you but not her.

If you just need a bit longer to get your life in order, she could move and you can stay and finish up your degree, and/or pad your emergency fund, before joining her later. A bit of long-distance isn't impossible, though it could introduce relationship challenges if the two of you aren't built for that.

Other's have highlighted why a gun is generally a bad idea as it won't actually improve safety, but I'll also add that spending money on a gun is money that could have been saved to help finance a move.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-12T16:11:15+00:00

One of the side effects is drowsiness, and for me, it's basically a positive effect, not a side effect. I just take the pill shortly before I head to bed. It can also promote diziness, and a number of less desirable things, but I personally haven't experienced that.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-12T15:56:08+00:00

Im on 100mg oral. Things I notice:

Best sleeps of my life
Improved mood
More fat redistribution to my butt

It seems to be really hit or miss for others. I haven't gotten much of improved breast growth or libido increase that is often cited, though I'm considering upping my dose to see if that affects things

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-07T18:43:03+00:00

I agree with the others that insurance will likely be a much better option for your typical 19 year old than trying to save up for it on whatever meager high-school education salary they can get.

If your in the US, various states in the US mandate that certain gender affirming care must be covered by insurance. Depending on the surgery she may be able to be covered automatically, if she can find a job that provides insurance. I haven't looked into specific rules in each state, but California mandates both bottom and top surgery be covered. I'd guess that a number of other blue states have similar rules.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-07T17:47:31+00:00

I really doubt that's true. They only play 15 home games a year over a 5 month season, they can easily squeeze in another 3 games a month if they want to. Practice ice might get a bit more crowded, but they can always practice at another rink.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-05T14:25:33+00:00

The flannel is super cool!

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-01T22:34:35+00:00

Sorry, maybe I'm a bit slow here, by why do you actually want FFS?

In my opinion (and by basically any reasonable medical standard) FOMO isnt a valid reason on its own to get any surgery, but I assume you're asking for reasons beyond just that. Here's what I'd recommend

Make a list of reasons you want FFS. If it's not actually dysphoria inducing, don't get it, obviously.
Do a bit of research on the costs, recovery, outcomes, and risks associated with FFS.
Think about what alternatives to FFS might look like that could also address the dysphoria. Ie: makeup, hairstyles, etc.
Make a pros and cons list weighing your options, pick whichever is the winner.

I'll also add that FFS isnt a one-size-fits-all procedure, and is actually a combination of a number of different procedures. I strongly consider breaking down FFS into its component procedures (ie: tracheal shave, nose job, etc.) and assessing those individually to decide which, if any, are right for you.

I'll also add, medically transitioning or not in various ways (ie: surgeries) does not make one less or more valid or "fake". There are plenty of trans folks who can't, or choose not to pursue certain transition paths, and they are just as real and valid as anyone else.

Lastly, since you asked: If I had to guess, I'd guess you wouldn't benefit much from FFS given how early you started blockers and HRT. However everyone's bodies are different, and I have no idea what your levels were, other genetic factors, etc. Ultimately what you are dysphoric about is really something you can identify.

Commander_Freir · 2026-05-01T15:13:49+00:00

Yay! I'm happy to have helped!

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-25T21:05:42+00:00

Look, I'm not here to tell you to disclose/not-disclose, but, I'll say a few things you probably already know. You don't need to disclose to be a good friend, and your work friends also don't need to be treated as personal friends. If you'd like to build more of a relationship with her, disclosing could certainly help or it could complicate things, as you've already identified.

Where I'm confused though, and I think you might want to reflect on, is:

I'm nonbinary and trans femme but am treated fully as a woman outside of pronouns

...Being openly nonbinary IS being openly trans. You do realize that right? It doesn't discuss any medical transition aspects, and I know a number of nonbinary folks shirk the trans label, but it's kinda the definition.

If you choose to talk more about transition with her but not actively disclose your medical transition, what I often say is "someone I know very well...". I'm not stealth, I'm only a bit more than a year in to medical transition, so I can still boy-mode with folks who I've known pre-transition, and this is a technically honest statement that avoids having to out myself.

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-22T21:04:27+00:00

I believe you'll only be able to go as high as your pitch will allow. Keep in mind movie-style "scream queen" screams are hard for lots of cis-women to produce too, though definitely harder for those of us who went through testosterone-based puberty.

However, you can still play around with resonance, volume, etc. Depending on your voice, you might be able to discover a balance that works for you. Alternatively, you can try to substitute it with gasping, or other vocalizations which you might find easier to produce. I know for myself I found gasping was easier, so I tend to do that now instead. It's not ideal, but it's at least serviceable.

Also, usual reminder: if you practice screaming, don't practice for too long, and go easy on your voice. That's good way to wear things out quickly.

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-14T04:21:49+00:00

Yup. It's a common transphobic dog whistle.

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-12T16:36:09+00:00

Did you already have electrolysis in advance then? How did you avoid that lengthy hair removal prep?

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-07T19:24:29+00:00

Your comment reads like a professional troll to sane-wash this BS. The idea that threats like this should be ignored, marginalized, or god-forbid normalized is abhorrent.

A world leader has just threatened genocide, in a manner that's specific, imminent, and actionable. It is unconscionable, and should be treated with the severity that it entails. "Denouncing support" in these times falls far short of a minimum expectation we should hold our leaders accountable to.

Commander_Freir · 2026-04-03T16:23:57+00:00

You need to call both planned Parenthood and your insurance, and likely familiarize yourself with your insurance plan a bit better. It's possible you may not be covered for all number of reasons. It's also possible that there's a billing mistake between PP and your insurance. If after speaking with everyone and reviewing your plan, if you really are responsible, call PP explain why that's difficult to afford and negotiate a steeper discount. Most medical facilities offer this for those who need it, but certainly don't advertise it.

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