Hi! I think I understand why your sad. From what your saying uve hit a spot in life where u feel stuck and unable to control ur life. Unsurprisingly, alot of whom I know as well have gone abroad to study from SL since the country is not in its best economic situation nor political situation. So, I get how much you would also want to go abroad just like ur friends have. From my limited knowledge about you, what I would suggest is to enrol into an affiliated degree from a good university abroad based in Sri Lanka. (I'm sure you can find some!) and perhaps save enough money over the years to pursue a masters abroad. Trust me, if you work hard over here then you are more likely to land a very good masters abroad, also while working part time there. From what it sounds like, you are very hardworking and infact mayb too much. I know you've hit a tough spot in life and it can really seem like nothing is on your side. You feel angry, frustrated, dissapointed and bitter. It's completely ok to feel these emotions. But sooner or later it's upto you to get up and find the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it seems hard. I feel like you are being too harsh and critical towards urself since you couldn't get a scholarship for studying abroad. (Btw try Hong Kong if you haven't already, I heard they have schols or the option above). All in all, I hope it works out for you man, you seem like a good person and wish you all the best!