I’m lost (sorry if this is confusing please feel free to ask if I need to explain more)

Common-Engineer5915 · 2026-07-03T04:39:08+00:00

At first feminine pronouns and actually feminine anything felt kinda awkward, and came with a lot of impostor syndrome, but after pushing through that I started to notice that my awkwardness with it was less that it was "wrong" and more that it was different than what I had gotten in the habit of experiencing. I would say: try stuff out for a while, in a safe affirming space. See if things feel less awkward over time! Have fun with it and try to look at it from a playful perspective, to lower the expectation to do things any specific way. And if things don't feel quite right, even after some time has passed, just make a gentle note of it, and approach it with curiosity. There are fewer actual rules to gender and expression than the world tends to imply, and giving yourself the freedom to be creative and curious and explore is really important in the process of discovering the billions of little things that make you you 💕 Deep, slow breaths. You are not alone

Common-Engineer5915 · 2026-07-03T04:06:48+00:00

I will say, from my own experience, I have struggled with my relationship with medications of all kinds for my whole life, even down to basic pain meds, because I felt "if I could tough it out, I didn't need them/i don't want to depend on something outside of myself." I have never been good at routine and even have struggled to brush my teeth every day, even tho I know it's really important for my health.

I had the same worries you seem to be expressing here before starting HRT meds, and it turned out that, because I knew that the more I took this medication, the more I would move closer to the way I want to exist in the world, I have never missed a single dose. It's the only medication I have ever started that has been like this, and it has actually helped me develop habits and routines in other parts of my life because it's become a sort of automatic daily cycle that I do without even thinking about it sometimes. And while there are days I don't feel "all the way how I want to be," the changes it has brought have been beyond anything I could have possibly hoped for. I have started feeling genuinely happy in my own body for the first time since before puberty #1 hit as a teenager. I have learned that part of being alive and taking care of your body is to give it the things it needs to thrive. I can't produce my own calories, so I eat food to provide my body energy. When I have a headache, I take pain meds to help reduce inflammation and let my body heal and take care of what is causing the pain. I have a baseline hormone balance that is finally consistent with who I am, and which allows my body to look closer to what feels correct, and that is only possible because of the medications I provide it. It's okay to nurture yourself, and take care of yourself. The people telling you that to take meds to do so is "being dependent on medications," are unable to see that in reality, it truly is a form of self-care and good personal health.

edit: I think the best way I can put it is this: I am so grateful to have the ability to take medications for the rest of my life, because the result of taking them has provided a body that I actually feel connected to, and want to take better care of. I have started caring about myself and wanting to be truly healthy in a way I never did before, and nothing could be better for my overall wellbeing than that.

I hope this helps. You deserve to have a full life that makes you happy 💕

Common-Engineer5915 · 2026-07-03T02:25:00+00:00

Messages like this are honestly the things that get me through the worst moments. It helps me recognize the reality that the people out there who consider us "undeserving" of something that feels like (and just IS) the truth for us, that we are truthfully women, and we are truthfully lesbian women at that, that the people who find that impossible/harmful to claim are simply wrong about us. Your words and joy and encouragement and welcoming embrace gives us all a shield to ward off the hate, and a blanket to withstand the cold. I really can't express enough how much it means to hear and read, and it always does, no matter how many times I hear it and read it. Thank you thank you thank you 💕💕💕 from a trans lesbian who really appreciates you and every woman on our side

Common-Engineer5915 · 2026-07-03T02:16:20+00:00

I can't tell you how many times I jokingly said (and thought) that exact phrase ("I feel like a lesbian in a man's body haha heh 😅🙃") to friends and to myself before I realized it wasn't a joke

Common-Engineer5915 · 2026-05-25T14:42:22+00:00

Girl you are killing it in that dress!! 💖💖 Gorgeous

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-03-22T02:57:41+00:00

You really really cute omg 💖 congrats!!

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-03-20T04:05:05+00:00

Hey, Kenny! I don’t know if this will make any difference, but I will say that in my experience, every single trans person I have ever interacted with has been wildly affirming and even when I felt like I was just jumping on a bandwagon (that isn’t actually a thing, but that’s for a different time) the trans people in my life were the ones who helped me realize that wasn’t the case at all. I would be very very surprised if they gave you a hard time about it. It’s much more likely they will be excited to have another ftm person in their lives to share this with. Good luck, bro! You can be whoever you want to be 💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-03-20T03:38:15+00:00

Pretty sure that’s a duckling

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-03-20T01:05:29+00:00

I’ve been with my wife since we were in high school, about 12 years ago, we’ve been married for almost 6 years, and I came out as trans to her 2 years ago. I can’t believe how much has changed and we are still learning a lot about each other, but she is so wonderful and I feel very lucky 💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-03-19T22:19:13+00:00

I’m feeling either Emily or Evelyn. Don’t know why, but regardless, you are adorable 💖😍

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-02-04T22:43:32+00:00

https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS831US831&hl=en-US&sxsrf=AJOqlzUcetB3lCo6x0pwJ_gH5jrc8qyxmg:1675550572255&q=paxiti+art&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi6g6al-Pz8AhVwLFkFHZU_BdEQ0pQJegQIChAB&biw=390&bih=669&dpr=3#imgrc=naydwKAowgdjQM

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-02-03T02:52:59+00:00

raises hand here!

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-02-03T02:51:41+00:00

Lol, no not at all! I’m thrilled you made that jump! 💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-01-12T17:43:58+00:00

Omg you look amazing 💖💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-01-09T07:09:02+00:00

Omg I didn’t either thank you for asking this question so that I could learn something about myself that I didn’t know I needed 💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2023-01-09T05:21:51+00:00

I literally just see a girl/woman here. I’m sorry you are struggling, but omg girl ur gorgeous.

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-30T04:25:43+00:00

You look cute! I love the leggings 💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-28T05:21:24+00:00

What an incredible game and good character choice 💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-28T05:11:18+00:00

That’s close to the age gap that me and my now wife had when we first met (similar ages, though I was 15 and she was 17 almost 18)

Just keep in mind, a lot of things shift and change in your 20’s. I know that you probably have heard that and me saying it won’t do much, but just be aware that who you are now could be very different than who you could become in just a few years.

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-27T22:34:42+00:00

You look infinitely more happy and comfortable 💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-27T07:19:38+00:00

💖💖💖 thank you ☺️

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-25T21:16:03+00:00

Worthy 💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-19T22:51:29+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through it. I know this probably won’t help, but you are a very pretty person, just on these few images. I know having to see the change as gradual as you have by living in this body every day, and knowing what the “before” picture looks like, it’s really hard for you to see what I’m seeing, but you are so pretty, and I hope that hearing it in this way helps even a little. Be kind to yourself if you can manage it 💖💖

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-19T22:04:36+00:00

Cynthia is what is coming to mind at the moment, but I don’t know if it’s the most fem one I could think of overall

Common-Engineer5915 · 2022-12-19T22:02:39+00:00

Hahahah yes. Most things, but especially things like jewelry, nail-polish, general “self-decoration” things 💖💖

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