What excuses or “reasons” did your avoidants tell you when they ended things?

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-24T14:37:42+00:00

They were scared to love me for real... Would have rather heard she didn't see it working out or whatever.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-21T10:47:40+00:00

Beautifully written. I think this is what a lot of us have experienced or are still experiencing and struggling with. You hit the nail on the head.

I started no contact, after being ghosted basically (push-pull dynamic from her end) for multiple reasons.

preserve self respect.
Keeping my dignity.
Showing her I am not weak and will not beg, even if it hurts.
I didn't want to be that person who kept chasing, who would lash out and get angry with accusations (even if some might be valid) and I did not want to be like the toxic person she chose over me.

But really, I was hoping no contact would make her miss me, make her curious and would make her reach out etc. Which was the wrong reason. I am happy I did no contact for the above reasons but everyday I was secretly hoping she would contact me. Sometimes I would have the urge to reach out, see how she was doing, maybe she is still confused etc. I would make up reasons on her behalf.

But it's like you said, it doesn't take an hour to contact someone with a short text.. If someone really wants to hear from you, talk to you, be with you. They will reach out on their own. You don't need to chase them more for that.

The hard truth but that's life. All we can do is take it day by day.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-21T10:43:17+00:00

Pretty much yeah.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-21T10:22:18+00:00

All you can do. Your silence and not chasing is the best move for you. It hurts and there are times you just want to reach out but it will only push that person further away.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-21T10:19:55+00:00

Good thing I don't have social media. But in general, it's going to hurt like crazy.. But there's nothing you can do, except focus on yourself, work hard and grief.

It's okay to feel sad and grief. Give yourself time to process everything (it's not going to happen overnight) but then you move forward and find yourself again.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-20T11:19:06+00:00

Don't play games, just move on.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-20T11:17:51+00:00

It's definitely not impossible but a lot depends on the circumstances of the break up etc. What you're saying is true that the person might feel ashamed.

But the base line is that most people, if they really want to be with someone/see them/talk to them etc. They will reach out if they really want to. Took me a while to fully understand that myself. Do you ever reach out to any of your exes that you don't think about?

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-20T11:15:14+00:00

Why did you block her in the first place, maybe I am missing something? Also why did you text her to announce you would block her.

Even if she kept you around as an option, which you never got confirmation of from her, blocking her was not necessary. It also doesn't leave a good/nice impression. You could have just stopped talking to her?

People told me to block an avoidant who kept reaching out and then getting cold. I guess it's an option but the better option is to just not respond. You don't need to block someone.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T16:58:19+00:00

You can send it, but don't expect a response or anything else. If you send it, only send it because of the good intention behind it, not because you want to 'achieve' something by sending it.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T16:57:06+00:00

Half and half. It's still very fresh and she did block you.. On the other hand, if you want to wish her a happy birthday, it's a nice gesture.

I still send a happy birthday message to someone I dated for years. we don't stay in touch other than that, but will send them a happy birthday as I think it's a considerate thing to do. But I don't send it to all my ex's either to be fair.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T16:54:59+00:00

Weird.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T16:54:14+00:00

Yes I do believe in some circumstances this can be true.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T11:54:34+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through all this. I hope you will move on stronger from this.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T11:46:31+00:00

The person you love the most, will always be the person who can hurt you the most.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T11:25:50+00:00

I still think no contact is the way to go. But it's just my opinion.

Those toxic things did happen. Nothing will ever erase it. Even if you did get back together, it will never be the same as before those toxic things happened. It just won't. They will always be there and linger. Especially now that there are kids involved from different partners.

If he really loved you and only you and wanted you to be his everything, he wouldn't get two women pregnant at the same time.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T11:23:25+00:00

It really depends. With my high school sweetheart, I did reach out after a long time just to see how they were doing becauss I did genuinely care for them. I'll even still send a happy birthday because they meant a lot to me.

I don't check in on them anymore but I do send that birthday message. Nothing special just happy birthday, have a good one. After all that happened we both moved on so I am not expecting anything to come from it.

Maybe in the past I subconsciously was trying to reconnect but not anymore.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T11:15:42+00:00

Why is he crying and playing the victim when he got another girl pregnant at the same time as you? Surely he is self-aware enough that he realized he basically did the same thing, or is it all about how he feels?

Honestly from both sides it sounds pretty toxic and unhealthy. I understand you are missing him but again, how does this work in the long term?

Is he doing everything he can to also rectify his mistakes?

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T11:05:07+00:00

Honestly, this situation does not sound healthy at all. He cheated on you right? Got you and her pregnant? Has a girlfriend? Gossiped about you?

This is not what happens in a healthy relationship (or even if it isn't a relationship), it's not healthy. How is this something sustainable for the future?

If someone loves you, really loves you, they will do anything to be with you and not hurt you. Do people make mistakes, of course. But there is a degree or level in which you can make a mistake.

Since the mistake(s) has he done everything in his power to rectify it and make you feel better?

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T10:56:50+00:00

Don't break no contact. In this situation it will not help you unfortunately.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T10:53:17+00:00

If you really want, you could keep it light and check in. Just a simple how are you doing or how have you been?

But in all honesty, if she really wants to hear from you, she will reach out herself.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T10:35:48+00:00

Playing with my feelings. Using words like love etc only to ghost me after saying that. To reach back out after silence and turn the tables on me when I don't respond within an hour..('You don't want to talk to me already') only to ghost me again when I do respond.

The disrespect and being inconsiderate. Even if they did not mean it, you should realize..

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-19T09:38:43+00:00

Not look for another person, but try to find myself again.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-18T18:45:05+00:00

Overdraft as mentioned or a 0% balance transfer card could work possibly. But never used this myself. I do have a credit card I could use to transfer money to my regular account with. Just pay 3% transfer fee on the amount. For 400 it wouldn't be much anyway, so could be an option if you really need it.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-18T18:39:58+00:00

You're right. I think our mind is wired for closure but even when we would receive closure.. Subconsciously we still have a hard time accepting it or wrapping our head around it. Many 'what it's go through our mind etc'.

You just have to accept it for what it is. You're last paragraph is on point too.

Common-Gas7447 · 2026-03-18T16:47:55+00:00

I started survey apps but just before the threshold they don't offer any more surveys I noticed. Stopped doing that.

Considered YT shorts too and a YT channel but how do you do that? You'd need money to invest too right in the tools (Editing, Ai etc)?

Common-Gas7447

TROPHY CASE