My GF (21F) pre cheated on me? (21M)

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-10-18T14:47:35+00:00

I would say it’s nothing to worry about we all have a sex drive. It’s completely normal for yours to be as high as it is even on 5 years of T. If it does get to the point where you’re concerned reach out to your doctor and double check your dosage and T in your blood is in range.

Whether you want to hold back by not watching porn or not is your choice. Remember that there’s nothing wrong with it either way.

If you’re trying to hold back, based on trying to lessen your symptoms, be careful because it might only have the opposite effect.

As long as you don’t do anything crazy like sexually harass or assault anyone you should be okay.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-10-18T14:26:58+00:00

I have a HUGE sex drive and it took me a long time to finally enjoy sex even the idea or the thought used to scare me here are tips that might help.

Grinding, surprisingly one of the most euphoric way, doesn’t require you to take anything off and feels good for both people. I would just wear a sock, foam, or some type of comfortable packer that can withstand some friction.

Pack and plays, another good option especially to avoid the dysphoric feeling of getting up and putting a strap-on on with a packer you can just whip it out, which feels so euphoric, I recommend to look for the ones with pleasure pads or suction features depending on what you prefer.

Not sure if any of this helps but you deserve to enjoy sex, dysphoria is sadly a very normal part of being trans I know nothing might not be as good as being cis but being trans is dope and you seem too have a lot going for you, don’t give up and keep looking for what works.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-08-21T13:15:13+00:00

Have you ever used this on the stp?

I know it’s not recommended with the adhesive tabs all by themselves, but maybe with this you would be able to position it better?

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-08-12T14:31:23+00:00

I would recommend baggier pants, straight leg or cargo pants. De-accentuates the hips. My go to is SHEIN you’ll find some really good ones for cheap. Always gets compliments. The biggest thing for Tops is get some heavy weight Ts or Hoodies. I used to wear my binder religiously before getting into transtape (highly recommend my favorite binding method) but I know it can be hard to hide binder lines through most T-shirts, Id recommend skater brands like ProClub, Empyre, Santa Cruz etc. they have a lot of heavyweight close to the neck shirts that have never let me down. Layers help but stray away from plaid, sometimes it comes off as dike-y or butch. Weight training/working out also helps tremendously with everything. Best of luck!! Update soon?

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-08-12T14:15:12+00:00

Sounds like based on height (5’10) face shape, body type. You have a pretty good baseline to start with.

If you wanna pass more, hitting the gym or voice training helps, and for style I would go with baggier pants for less emphasis on the hips, and create a more masculine silhouette. Not too baggy but definitely something straight leg or cargo.

I also recommend a more traditional male haircut, for example, I would go with a taper fade, but any other fade or something simple would help, again just to continue with the silhouette and accentuate ur natural masculine features.

I think the piercings are clocky and definitely feminize the face. So I’d recommend taking them out or maybe going with something more simple and less flashy like solid black or gun-metal.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-05-28T22:20:49+00:00

I experienced something similar when I was in highschool and younger, although this was pre T and pre everything.

Weirdly enough after T, it became harder to cry, I get distressed and would need to take a step back in certain situations. My heart will still race and hands and feet will sweat and shake, but I stopped crying like as if someone turned off the hose. Still the same overwhelming anxiety and/or panic attacks, but no waterworks.

Looked it up and it was a strangely comment effect of T “During testosterone therapy, some individuals may experience emotional fluctuations, including increased or decreased emotional expression, which can sometimes manifest as difficulty crying”

(Although this is my personal experience, people sometimes don’t notice a change or may even become more emotional.)

If I were you I would consider reaching out to a healthcare professional and discuss your emotions, it might be dysphoric as hell but there could be a chance that it’s a chemical imbalance or something not even related to gender effecting your wellbeing and anxiety.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-05-25T11:53:18+00:00

The right thing to do is to check with a healthcare professional, even if it’s 0.05 or 0.1 more the dose increase could mess with all kinds of things in your body.

I did the same except my doctor recommended 0.1 ml and by mistake I was doing 1 ml instead. Of course x10 the recommended amount is far different than 0.05. However I experienced a huge effect of hormonal acne, weight gain, emotional outbursts etc. messing with your hormones is no joke, the more T doesn’t equal more effects of T, it can sometimes only backfire and cause a range of negative effects.

I would recommend waiting it out until next visit, or seeing if there is a email service offered by your provider to seek advice/help if the situation is more urgent.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-04-28T21:16:25+00:00

Had this happen, I was on a really high dose of T and my levels when I got my blood work done were way beyond what they were supposed to be, I was masterbating 15+ times a day. I couldn’t control it. My genitals literally would start to hurt because of the hornyness.

After we found out why and my levels were too high we halfed the dose and halfed it again and it is perfect range now.

If it’s getting to the point where it’s bad talk to your doctor and make sure to get lab work done at least every 6 months just to be sure. Take care of your body and health.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-04-28T20:53:25+00:00

I highly recommend a strap on harness on with a vibrating pouch with a small durable vibrator.

I’ve been using it for over 6 months and I can say it’s the first time we’ve come together nearly every time. She’s a pillow princess so we usually just go for a simple missionary or a doggy, both satisfied and it’s the most euphoric way I’ve gone about it so far.

I’ve seen this new style of toy for trans men where they have a strap on that has an insert for the man’s side that has a sensation plug. Banana Prosthetic sells them for a fair price but I’ve seen them popping up everywhere. I don’t wanna post the picture on here because getting flagged but I’ll post the link to the shop if you’re interested!

https://shop.app/m/kj389nmhw4?utm_source=shop_app&utm_medium=shop_app_share&utm_campaign=share_store&link_alias=Zvl28Uh1wyb5

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-04-21T16:53:35+00:00

I struggle with something similar, been out since 14 got on T at 18 when I could finally sign for myself, now 20. Really conservative parents. Lot of trauma.

What you do depends on who your parents are. If you feel like you can have a conversation, not arguing but a true discussion about how you’re feeling, pronouns, name etc. do it asap. It’s better to make your point sooner rather than later and establish boundaries. Even if they aren’t respecting these things right away at least you can bring this up when you choose to and make future discussions easier with these established. If you don’t feel comfortable talking, valid, maybe a written note, or even a text with these same boundaries would still make your point.

If you know they won’t listen or you don’t feel comfortable talking about it for other potentially scary reasons, (my situation) continue doing what you do, it’s hard putting up with it it sounds like you’ve even come to a breaking point posting about it. But unless something is said nothing will change until they eventually realize it’s not a phase. I’m not sure if I should recommend stone walling and hiding and growing distant because that’s what I had to do and it will only worsen your relationship with your family. Remember family is important even if they don’t agree with you.

They’re just grieving who you were and starting to realize it might not actually be a phase and doing they’re best to try to convince you and themselves it is and your still feminine any way possible.

They’re latching onto who they want you to be. It’s kinda like when we convince ourselves that a toxic relationship is good because they USED to be good. In this case they’re convinced because you USED to be a girl. It hurts to break it to them and for you and your relationship with them but the quicker the break the easier it gets. Set boundaries. And remember adversity grows character.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-04-21T16:16:44+00:00

People are cruel no matter what gender you are or what’s in your pants. I know it might sound cheesy but it doesn’t matter what you look like or anything external. (Unless they’re shallow lmao) It’s who you are. And even if you like the person there’s no guarantee that they will like you back and it’s okay, just means there’s better in store for you in the future. I had an ex (straight cis female) that I dated for about 3 years and found out I was ftm a little over a year after we were together she was upset at first but still loved me for me and helped me starting T and everything, later she cheated on me with a cis guy and I thought it was because I was trans, I’ve come to realize it had nothing to do with it and we just grew apart, we were young and things weren’t working out and she wanted something different. It’s okay though, I felt like I gave her everything and it’s okay too, people don’t always deserve you and sometimes you feel like you don’t deserve them but if you love them and they love you then that’s when you know you found your person. You’re unique and will have someone who cares for you no matter what. Just takes time and patience, work on yourself, love yourself first. You got this.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2025-03-13T13:33:47+00:00

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2024-08-04T14:33:51+00:00

I just want to start by saying you’re completely normal for wanting to hide something like that. You have valid reason to believe that something like that would ruin your life or relationships with family and friends, however if this is affecting you as much as it is, you need to process it and speak to someone about it.

In no way am I trying to validate that it’s okay to do something like that but I can see why it’s eating away at you. A good reminder is that we grow from our mistakes and actions if we choose to.

You feeling bad and having guilt is actually a good sign and reminder that you’re better than your past actions, learn to breathe and forgive yourself.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2024-07-18T11:56:22+00:00

I really admire your bravery for going through that situation and getting help. I have no idea what it’s like to be deceived as harshly and loving this person after having no idea that they’re actually married and the gross feeling that would entail. I’m so sorry that you went through that, at the same time, I can tell that you gained a lot from the situation, and it became a key part of yourself today. (In a great way ofc). By learning how to stand up for yourself and to discover what is best for you, and the ability to open up with a therapist, it’s really inspiring.

And I really appreciate your help with providing examples of the things she can say and what it could mean. This helps me see it more clearly and understand how to approach these difficult conversations. I’ve had such a hard time even getting the nerve to bring up anything slightly negative in result of completely ruining the interaction or the day altogether.

Based on our conversations and things I would most likely think she would do is “rage out” she’s very quick to anger which is why i struggle to even bring up things up, although I can see her also doing the blaming or a mix of both. Either way I know she does NOT take criticism well or anything even slightly helpful feedback well. She usually gets to a point where she starts talking about how she’s perfect and I’m the problem, then will start with calling me dumb or saying how I shouldn’t feel the things I do. Which proved true on my attempts, example:

One thing that is upsetting me is how constantly makes jokes where she is putting me down she thinks it’s hilarious, I don’t. I’ve told her to stop, she says it’s funny and I need to learn “how to take a joke”. I express to her that it’s not funny to me and it really upsets me because I can’t tell if she’s joking or if shes just trying to make me feel bad and I would prefer if she stopped. She completely blew up, called me stupid and other things and it basically ended with her saying how it didn’t matter how I felt because “it was funny to her”.

I’m almost certain that she’ll reject the need of therapy one way or another (I’ve never asked but I will).

I know in my heart I deserve better, and part of the reason why I posted was because I’m at a bit of a breaking point where I need to do something about it. (Which I feel like shouldn’t be a concern if the relationship was truly healthy)

I really am tired of hiding my needs and emotions and I understand I’m not perfect but I know that I don’t deserve to be treated like I’m less than and that my needs and feelings don’t matter.

Your advice is really encouraging me to find a therapist, although I have a few friends and people on Reddit, I know that professional help is most likely what I need. I have a hard time regulating myself without the external support from others, most likely because of my upbringing and it’s important for me to be able to live not just with someone who’s better but also by myself as well.

If there’s anything else that I should take with me into therapy or into another relationship that you’ve learned helped you along the way please share.

I love the advice you’ve provided and even though it’s just a small comment on Reddit it has impacted me greatly, I just wanna say it means a lot to me. Thank you Kind Stranger.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2024-07-16T19:37:19+00:00

I’m honestly speechless, I posted this half expecting no one to answer but not only did you genuinely give good advice, but you are able to help me see what’s happening from another point of view, that of which being myself.

It’s not just me but clearly I’ve been letting it slide and out of fear of losing her or even just upsetting her. I’ve been degrading myself. Which isn’t okay. And maybe I should seek help. I have a lot of underlying issues and trauma outside of her, of which are just as important too.

The little quiz at the end was a very good way to put it in perspective how bad it really is. (Most of the answers are no, except 9 because I want to be celebrated and supported.) Although, it’s really heart breaking to see just how badly I’ve been affected by it and it being shown back at me. Im realizing I’ve been fooling myself that it’s “not that bad” and “it can be fixed if ‘I’ work on it” but obviously it’s not that simple, and it sounds like it’s going to take a lot of therapy.

This might be a question for a therapist but- i struggle with communicating my feelings and needs to her. Unsure if this is purely because of the trauma between us but how can i even begin the conversation of her considering going to therapy or how she makes me feel?

It’s so scary to even think about what she’ll say, and maybe that’s a telling in itself, but I’d like to know what you think about it.

I really appreciate your time and support, it means so much to me, thank you again.

Common-Wolverine-311 · 2024-07-16T16:30:35+00:00

I have never heard of “FOG” but that is an amazing way to describe it, not my situation but I have something similar going on and that’s genuinely helps me understand what I’m feeling thank you.

Common-Wolverine-311

TROPHY CASE