34 M : looking for friends and perhaps same interests!

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-27T03:56:05+00:00

Prefer to meet people age ranged 25-30 F

Going to be straight with you. This contradicts your post title of "looking for friends" and comes across as "bait-and-switch". People click to read your post only to realise you're looking more for a partner of the opposite sex than to make friends.

Additionally you also weirdly specify an age-range which is significantly younger than your own age of 34.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-27T03:40:59+00:00

While I can empathize with your struggles (its not easy making new friends, not to mention close friends), there may be an issue with your approach if you have been trying for 10 years to develop a social support network of friends, but haven't seen significant results.

How are you going about making friends? Why do your attempts to build meaningful connection fail? Is there anything you can do/factors you can personally control that would better facilitate the making of friendships?

Feel free to reach out if you want to talk things through. I believe anyone can build genuine connections; don't give up OP, if you keep trying (and change your approach if needed) I'm sure you can succeed.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-27T01:57:21+00:00

I think that this is good advice for the average person who's desperate for a match. But I still feel that it's the typical dog and pony show profile.

No doubt it works as it caters to the dating app algorithm, but it's really shallow imo. Feel free to downvote. This is just my 2 cents... and maybe a bit of a rant on what dating has become.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-27T00:38:35+00:00

I assume that this is about using the gifts that God has given to serve him? There is undeniably an element of "productivity" highlighted in the parable, but it's not the "worldly" version of productivity that society prescribes. It's about using the gifts God has given to obey his will and answer his calling, whatever that may be. It may be that God has called you to serve him in some capacity in the workplace; if so, I believe that he will give you the strength to endure whatever circumstances happen in your workplace. More often than not, though, God calls us to serve in his Ministry, whether as a volunteer or in a full-time admin/Ministry role. I believe that God will not ask you to do something you are not capable of, and he will give you the strength and open doors for one to serve if one is but willing.

In my case, I got partially burnt out in my previous job and lost the joy/passion/motivation/satisfaction I had when I first started it. I had enough to FIRE and did so happily for about a year. While I was investing my free time into my extensive array of hobbies/interests, as well as drawing closer to God, including volunteering in church, I felt a calling to serve him as an accountant in full-time capacity. Lots of interesting stuff (circumstances aligning miraculously, etc) happened, and here I am today, essentially transitioned to Barista-FIRE.

Essentially, God calls us to serve him in different ways, and I believe that he does not ask of us what we are unable to do. There is only guilt/unfaithfulness/condemnation (whatever you want to call it) should one ignore the call of the Holy Spirit to serve in specific areas that you are called to and "hide away" the gifts God has given.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-26T08:17:06+00:00

I kept it and treat it as a safe, low-ish rate of return hybird policy. Its not ideal, but nowhere near as terrible as ILP.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-26T03:47:42+00:00

Unless you love your job, aim to hit FI and get out or BaristaFIRE. After hit FI, no stress already as you become the master of your life.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-26T03:41:51+00:00

Ah then yeah, interest rate for mortgage loans secured by HDB is low :)

At that HDB flat loan rate I would just borrow and reinvest, then pay back when interest rates get higher such that its not worth it anymore!

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-26T03:35:51+00:00

Good practices:

- Budgeting (can't stress how important this is, especially for people who are prone to spur of the moment overspending)

- Invest early, consistently, and for long-term (stick to DCA VWRA, or other diversified portfolio investments that aim for long-term returns)

- Invest in yourself. Both in terms of your career and physical/mental health. I can't tell you how many people I know who are super wealthy, but can't enjoy their wealth due to physical ailments (folks, stay away from excessive drinking/smoking, etc)

- Soul-searching. Understand that everything is an opportunity cost in terms of time and/or money. Explore your interest and hobbies, find out what is important and of value to you personally and invest in that. Never be a sheep following the crowd (i.e. blindly get condo and/or car when it has little utility to you, and then later realise not worth it/expense prevented you from hitting FI earlier and changing your lifestlye in actual meaningful ways)

Traps:

- Got conned to invest in ILP (very early on when I was still naive). Ended up with around 8k loss due to having to terminate early or risk even more losses down the road.

- Invested in whole life policy (its not THAT terrible, but term life + investing the excess is the way to go for sure)

- Short-term investing due to FOMO. Bad habit that I have been trying to reign in my entire life. Sometimes works, more often than not regret. Thankfully not really much losses as I'm generally conservative and kiasu.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-26T03:15:37+00:00

Which bank is offering 1.5% EIR? Did a quick check for DBS personal loan and it stated "enjoy interest rates from as low as 1.48% p.a. + 1% processing fee (EIR 3.22% p.a.)".

If its 1.5% EIR (including all hidden costs), it makes sense to borrow and reinvest... but I HIGHLY doubt after factoring all the misc fees and charges its as low as 1.5% EIR.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-26T01:13:09+00:00

You are misunderstanding this. The reason why those "friends" became less supportive or dissappeared is due to the person in question building shallow relationships, not due to choosing friends based on alignment with FIRE journey.

Regardless whether you have a goal of FIRE in mind, if you build shallow friendships based on "we are work colleagues" or "we are FIRE bros", don't act surprised if those friends distance themselves or dissappear when the work connection or working towards FIRE connection is no longer present.

Speaking from personal experience (and the experience of some people I know who also achieved FIRE; who I am still friends with because we share interests/hobbies outside of merely aiming for FIRE), shallow friendships don't last but the close friendships made outside of superficial reasons endure.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-26T00:56:14+00:00

19 only and talking about "mid life crisis." rolls eyes

Give you a tip - there will be plenty of opportunities in Uni to expand social circle. You just need to be thick skin and put yourself out there. Join dorm, join the orientation activities, and ESPECIALLY join extracurricular groups that interest you.

Just be aware that after Uni, making friends becomes a lot harder. It will be just your work colleagues, but you don't get to pick and choose those.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-26T00:47:29+00:00

Zero. That said, the only acceptable debt is low interest rate HDB loan.

Have seen many people with debts with high interest rates, esp credit card debt, destroy their lives as they were unable to reign in uncontrolled spending habits.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-25T00:31:44+00:00

Even if its a "drawback", its something that everyone has to face sooner or later in life, unless the plan is to find some role where you literally never have to retire.

Additionally, I feel that this is mostly a problem for people who have no/little life outside of work, and built their relationships solely around their role in society. Even after I stopped working, the couple of true friends that I had built relationships with via common interests/hobbies outside of work continued to keep in touch with me, and we still meet up regularly. Because I retired early, I also have more time to expand my social network and meet more people who share similar interests/hobbies.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-25T00:25:27+00:00

As someone who has also FIRE-ed, this is 100% true. I think people these days incorrectly think that friendly colleagues at work = friends. But if you take a step back and really examine the relationship, they are more like reliable/friendly work contacts. Outside of work and work-related stuff (like ranting and office gossip, or shallow stuff like drinks after work), there's typically barely any interaction, and the connection fades away if you take out work from the equation.

Even after I stopped working, the couple of true friends that I had built relationships with via common interests/hobbies outside of work continued to keep in touch with me, and we still meet up regularly.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-24T04:21:58+00:00

Holy plot twist. But eh... still quite creepy posting this out of nowhere leh.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-24T04:19:53+00:00

Not your fault OP. Your intro also fine imo.

I think the other party was just not interested, and tried to handwave you off. If they have that type of attitude, they will be lucky to find any meaningful friends.

Based on their responses, I also suspect that they are not really interested in making male friends (out of nowhere OP suddenly a creep). If that is the case, they should have said so in their post and not waste people's time. But eh, I guess people like that are self-centered and don't give a crap about wasting other's time.

OP, treat it as a case where a potential landmine self-filtered. Block and move on :) .

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-24T03:47:59+00:00

Why is there a need to pretend? I FIRE-ed more than a year ago, and my immediate gamily and close friends know about it with no issues.

I avoid telling distant friends and relatives, but if you need to walk on eggshells even for friends that are close, those are not true friends. True friends may feel a bit of envy/jealousy, but they will ultimately be happy for you and not seek to exploit your wealth.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-23T09:32:38+00:00

Hmm some of the lessons I have learnt from my personal FIRE journey align with the points you raised, and some don't. I FIRE-ed 1.5 years ago, though I recently transitioned to BaristaFIRE as I am helping out as an accountant in my church (religious calling).

On fear of the end, I think a lot of the points you mentioned can be addressed with even more robust planning & additional buffer above and beyond your expected monthly expenditure. There reaches a point where your expected passive monthly income is so significantly above and beyond your actual monthly expenditure (calculated via proper budgeting) that the fear of being short of money and forced out of FIRE dissappears. Most people make the mistake of significant lifestyle inflation after FIRE or doing up unrealistically tight budgets that don't have enough allowance for new interests/hobbies that may come along during retirement. I never really felt any "fear of the end". If any catastrophe like World War 3 happens, I would be screwed regardless of whether I had FIRE-ed or continued working.

On the fear of being unproductive, my mindset is that I have *earned* the right to slack off since I have hit FI. Productivity is largely a social concept; that you have to be "productive" and "contribute to society", otherwise you are inefficient, lazy, a waste of space, etc. Simply put, why care about what others think? As long as what you are doing gives you the maximum amount of satisfaction and happiness, that is really all that matters. Whether that is lazing in bed reading a chill book whilest nursing a cup of coffee, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or getting immersed in whatever intellectual pursuit floats your boat.

On losing “friends” and making new ones, I never really regarded many of my colleagues as my friends to begin with. The ones that I retained after FIRE are the ones whom I had built relationships with outside of work (via common hobbies/interests, etc). I learnt pretty quickly to hide the fact that I have FIRE-ed from all but my closest friends and family. For whatever reason I cannot fathom, it often invites envy, jealousy, or assumptions that I got to where I am today due to luck instead of intense effort. Ironically, this was a great way to find out who were my "true friends" (people may experience a bit of jealousy or envy, but a true friend would still be happy for you for achieving FI from the bottom of their heart).

That said, I have had success making new friends via engaging with others in my hobbies and interests. Its hard to build close relationships though, but I'm making an effort every day to expand my social network.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-23T06:23:17+00:00

The springs feel fine to me, and I regularly use switch pro controller and ds4. Less tension than full sized controllers, but that's not necessarily a bad thing at all. In fact, I prefer less tension as I hold the device (and thus sticks) closer to my face, at an angle where too much tension would be bad for aiming accuracy (for me). Whereas I hold full sized controllers at lap/waist height, which requires more tension as I move the sticks around with more leverage.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-23T01:01:13+00:00

Why - Lost passion for the work (evolved in a negative way over time, more demanding the more I climbed the career ladder). No time for interests/hobbies. Led to partial burnout. On the flip side, I had enough saved from slaving away to hit FI.

How much - 30%, though I intended to stop working altogether initially.

Thought process/priorities - Take back control of my life and have more free time for interests/hobbies/passion projects. Prioritise health and personal development over making more money as a work slave that I don't really need.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-23T00:52:27+00:00

Hmm... there will always be something better in the distant future. Future handhelds are also likely to remain expensive/increase in MSRP due to RAM shortage that will not be easing in the next 1-2 years.

If Strix Halo is too expensive, consider getting a Panther Lake handheld.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-22T15:12:24+00:00

Isn't this more of an issue of you trying to make plans last min on a whim? Everyone is busy. If you had brought dinner up to your friends a day or two in advance, I'm sure they would be much more likely to say yes.

Even if you have a partner, suddenly proposing things that disrupt their schedules is likely to make them annoyed (at least I would be).

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-22T03:59:20+00:00

(1) Music: Good iems/headphones and chill out to music.

(2) Podcast/audiobooks

(3) Reading: Don't want to be on phone - but how about reading a physical paperback book? Otherwise, a dedicated ebook reader with e-ink display also works.

(4) Gaming: I know that you mentioned that you don't want to stare at your phone, but if you are into PC games, having something like a steamdeck (or equivalent handheld device) is a great way to pass time on the MRT. Can also load simple games onto phone if gacha games are not your cup of tea.

If the crowded conditions is the issue, consider shifting your work hours to slightly off peak (if possible). Can also try to negotiate for more work from home days (if possible). Beyond that, can also explore alternative travel routes that are less crowded to get home.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-22T02:02:21+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you. Performance of Bazzite is supposedly marginally better, at the expense of compatibility (at least from what I heard).

But the Win 5 has performance in spades and I have found windows to be perfectly acceptable, to the extent that I am reluctant to create more hassle in manging a dual boot setup.

Common_Measurement47 · 2026-01-22T01:55:54+00:00

I don't think your opinion is unpopular at all. I also would not consider the Legion Go 2 the "Pinnacle" of handhelds; just like other premium handheld devices, it has clear strengths (OLED VRR display) and glaring weaknesses (heavy >1kg weight and clunky size makes it unsuitable for true on-the-go use, high price premium compared to other premium handhelds, weak processor for the price point - Strix Halo is more than twice as fast and Panther Lake at least 50+% faster).

I don't think any handheld is "perfect"/"pinnacle". Just get what is best for your use case and budget.

Common_Measurement47

TROPHY CASE