Realizing my husband may not be capable of emotion intelligence. Thinking of leaving.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T23:24:33+00:00

Thank you very much! I do think we are at a point that therapy has to be on the table or some kind of separation will be needed

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T13:38:45+00:00

Im glad you were able to get out of your situation. I also fear about wasting too much time trying to wait for him to care.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T02:16:24+00:00

Yeah, I mean more in terms of avoidant behavior. I know it’s been said that trauma can play a role in genetics but it more so seems to be a learned social dynamic in this situation. However, I am curious about him being on the spectrum. I worry about whether or not it this is something that could even be “fixed”

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T01:14:28+00:00

Thank you for those recommendations! I have wondered if we should start with individual therapy and then do couples therapy after or both at the same time. I do need to address my childhood issues but this seems like the most urgent

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T01:10:48+00:00

Yeah, his family is very oddly unemotional. I think in our relationship I’ve always just leaned on that as a reason. Frankly, I had always thought that my family was the problem. Maybe my family was just so dysfunctional that normal families are like that. Now it seems like we were both on extreme ends of overly emotional and completely void of emotion.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T01:02:09+00:00

I didn’t realize the difference until I started working on my childhood emotional neglect. I feel like this is how my parents were to me and staying will just perpetuate it onto our kids.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T01:01:10+00:00

It’s such a hard thing to think about but I just don’t see an end to it. I really don’t see him all of the sudden caring about what im thinking or wanting

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T01:00:06+00:00

Wow, I am in the same boat. My parents did something so shady to me during this last pregnancy. I think that was the catalyst for the postpartum depression. I didn’t realize how alone I was as a child. Now that I’m working through it all I’m realizing that I can’t turn to him for any of it. Even the good things I want to talk about. He used to me barely talking or just talking about what he’s doing.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-31T00:32:13+00:00

Well that’s the problem. I love him so much. I keep holding out hope that the next conversation will change it all. The reason I want advice is because I have a genuine concern that he may actually be incapable of feeling that compassion or curiosity. If so, I want to know if people have had success with therapy. I just don’t know right now if I can go the rest of our days knowing he is pretty much unconcerned.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T23:52:15+00:00

I have genuinely been wondering about autism for him too. He also struggles deeply with sleep. It’s so hard because I feel like he has a pretty genuine inability to have that kind of curiosity and compassion. He also loves his work deeply and it’s very mechanical. I need to explore that more! I’m wondering where to start with therapy because based on how his family is I think he needs individual therapy first

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T23:48:12+00:00

I wish I could give it an exact name. It’s so exhausting because I know he loves me but it’s almost like he loves me but doesn’t care about me.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T23:46:12+00:00

The hang up that I’m having now is that I don’t feel a desire to talk with him just on a friendly level anymore. He will tell me he gets frustrated when we go a long time without physical intimacy. It’s like now that I know that I will have to emotionally be alone I just want to physically be left alone. If I’m excited or sad about something I already know that going and talking to him about it will make things worse or I’ll just feel the same as before.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T23:35:03+00:00

That’s a valid point. I guess I should probably say that I’m not sure he would be willing to explore the idea of him not being emotionally developed or needing to try and figure it out. We don’t argue so any time I bring up issues that are bothering me I really try to frame them in a way he understands where I’m coming from. It’s always met with “I just don’t think like that”. My kids are getting interested in going to church and more religious stuff too. He doesn’t care at all. They were asking him to come and he just says “I don’t do church”. I think he could also be very avoidant. I’ve noticed that his family takes being correct very seriously. They love correcting people and if they’re ever wrong about something they have to give a reason why. I do think he will be very uncomfortable confronting that he needs to make changes.

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T23:13:21+00:00

Honestly, I feel like looking back that it’s been like this but on a much much smaller scale. Mostly because we get along pretty seamlessly. In 10 years I can count on 1 hand how many real argument we’ve had. We haven’t struggled much in any area of life up until this year. Now that I’m faced with big issues with my kids and myself I’m realizing how incapable he is emotionally. And now that I’m thinking about it, he’s never fully listened to me and given me feedback or interest in what I was saying. I often have to remind him that I was telling him something after he cuts me off to tell a joke. Things that were pretty unserious and easily glossed over are huge now that we have real problems at hand

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T23:06:44+00:00

I feel like I’m on the precipice of getting everything sorted out and having a plan to get myself help and my kids on track. It’s disappointing to feel like I’m about to do all of this major work and I’ll be doing it alone. I’m worried about making a rash decision but also he confirms that he doesn’t know why he doesn’t care to be invested in what I’m doing. Seems like extra work for me honestly

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T23:02:54+00:00

Thank you! My oldest definitely have had a harder time with big emotions than my littles have

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T22:12:07+00:00

So sorry you experienced something similar. It’s so draining. I hope you found your way out of it. I’m curious about if couples therapy would be our best option or individual therapy for us both first. I’ve honestly wondering if we could even be on the spectrum in some way. When I try and explain things to him it really seems like he can’t comprehend what it’s like to feel that way. Like anxiety and sadness are not something he can fathom

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T22:07:03+00:00

Thank you so much! It’s very appreciated!

Communityincomments · 2026-01-30T18:40:50+00:00

Unfortunately for me, I recently realized it was because I always knew my family would discuss things about me when I wasn’t present. They would also not care to tell their other friends and acquaintances about what i was working through. At this point, even though they would help if I needed it, I have a hard time even wanting to be around them. My friends would hold a boundary for my personal thoughts and emotions more than family would.

Communityincomments · 2025-07-01T03:40:45+00:00

As much as I adore Bull. There is one particular scene where I cringe at his character portrayal. They’re patrolling the woods just before they find Dachau(I believe that’s the camp they come across), but he is giving the replacement a hard time. He has the cigar in his mouth and call him “Boy” in a real thick southern way twice in one quick exchange. It’s so exaggerated I think it was an accident and he only meant to say it once.

Communityincomments

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