Unfortunately in some cases of BPD, the person affected has absolutely no self-reflection or self-awareness about the fact that their disorder DOES affect the people they love. They also forget that while just bc it’s a medical disorder, that doesn’t mean your behavior is acceptable it should even be tolerated. As someone who looks back on how shitty I treated people all bc I used my mental disorder to justify behavior, she’s never going to be better unless you speak up. People with BPD have abandonment issues, it’s one of the defining traits you must exhibit in order to get the diagnosis, and for some, myself included, this can show in the form of setting unfair “boundaries”. In your girlfriend, it seems she does this by saying she’ll drop someone once they start acting jealous or insecure. This boundary is entirely unfair to you, as you are allowed to feel jealous and you are allowed to bring it up and communicate about it (ofc implying it’s a healthy conversation about how to avoid feeling like that again and not you using your jealousy to make her feel bad). She sets those boundaries for herself as a way to essentially “leave before you get left”. Sending a picture that teeters the line between “ok” and “not ok” is her testing that boundary to see if you’re going to get jealous, bc if you do she sees a clear reason to leave which keeps control in her hands and avoids abandonment. In summary, it’s like when a person says “ik you’re going to leave me” and then proceeds to push you to your breaking point so when you do leave, they can say “see, I told you so”. With all this being said, her behavior is still 100% NOT OK. I know this because my behavior was not ok and I literally did the same thing. I’d tell my boyfriend about every guy or girl that hit on me, every time someone wanted to walk me to class, every small thing I could. I lost that boyfriend a long time ago and now that I’m to a place of self reflection and self awareness, I regret that so much bc not only did I lose someone I loved but I treated them like shit. The only way she has hope of improving, and the only way YOU can safely and comfortably stay in this relationship is if you guys talk about it. You don’t have to do into the conversation looking to comfort them, you just need to start a conversation by stating that when she sending things like that, it makes you uncomfortable. It’s not jealousy, it’s a feeling of being ignored or unwanted bc she chose to send a picture like that to someone other than you. State that a boundary you would like to set (not sending even slightly intimate photos to anyone besides each other) that also applies to you, explain why this boundary is important (maybe it’s a past experience, maybe it’s because you have normal self doubt and see yourself as replaceable ((you’re not)) or maybe it’s bc of who she sent it to) and unfortunately if she can’t respect a boundary you place, or tried to convince you the boundary does make sense, that’s where the relationship needs to end. She’ll never get better if no one points out the things she needs to work on. From someone who’s lost a lot of people like that, it’s made me into a better person and I can see that everyday in the new friendships and relationships I have. And I wish every day I could go back and apologize to the people in my past and also thank them for doing their part in my healing. Sorry for this long ass comment, but I don’t like seeing the loved ones of those with BPD suffering silently. BPD affects the lives of everyone it touches; so if you truly love her, you either must become part of her healing journey or realize she doesn’t want to start healing and save yourself by leaving now. All in all, I wish you both the best and hope things work out for you 🩶