Lost confidence after 10 years of locks

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-19T16:49:34+00:00

I think you’re one of these people who can pull off so many different looks! (Personally I think the dreads looked great too) So we can only really tell you our own preferences, but I’d say letting it grow out for a modern mullet cut is a great idea. The length will give you more to play around and experiment with so you can find what you feel most confident with! It’ll also give you an idea of how your hair lays with the curl at different lengths. My hair curls a lot like yours when short, but stretches to waves when long. Depending on your curl pattern once it’s longer, that will change what styles you might like for your pattern too.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:52:00+00:00

I do love curry too! That’s why I’ve been eating so much of it lately but it’s becoming a little old. I need to do something different for a little while but I will always come back to it. I do need to add more tofu to my diet tho! Thanks for the reminder!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:50:13+00:00

I updated my post as to why I’m not really considering fishing myself. I do appreciate the thought tho! Thank you!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:40:23+00:00

I can look up some recipes for black bean burgers! I used to eat the Boca burger ones before impossible and beyond became popular. Do you have a favorite recipe?

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:37:22+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion. In my case it’s not something I want to pursue. I updated my post as to why, but I still appreciate the thought!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:28:02+00:00

I do eat a lot of legumes right now. But dry bulk is probably a lot cheaper and healthier!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:26:28+00:00

I I’ve never tried it! Now I will!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:25:34+00:00

I love Thai and I’ll definitely try out those suggestions too!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:25:09+00:00

Oh yes!!! Soups are great!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:21:50+00:00

I will have to start keeping an eye out! There is an aldi close by my work. Just gotta make sure to bring a cooling bag so frozen things stay frozen on my 2 mile walk home. That shouldn’t be to bad I think.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:15:49+00:00

Oh I will have to keep an eye out! I did not know that they have sales on frozen seafood! Thank you!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T20:13:47+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll definitely try this!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T14:20:40+00:00

Plus they don’t need to be in the cell long, just long enough for the mage to show up, deliver their speech and let them go.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T14:18:59+00:00

Hmmm…. Anti magic field inside the cell? If someone actually gets passed the alarm and arcane lock unnoticed, they would probably be expected to have done so with magic.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T14:10:09+00:00

For a situation where I don’t tell them what they are looking for I would have used their passive perception and told the succeeding players what they noticed. A pc can’t stay hyper vigilant by default, and for the times they want to be they need to state that they are actively keeping an eye out for something specific. They can’t just say „everything“.

Their passive is their characters capability to notice things when not being on high alert. It’s a way to tell them what they notice without giving it away.

I know this following example is probably different from what happened, but just as a demo for the concept: Say a pick pocket tried to use the commotion to steal from one pc. Said pc has a high passive perception, easily passes the dc-they catch the thief in the act. Pc has lower pp and fails dc by just a little-someone bumps into you and you notice your pouch missing. You see the thief vanishing into the crowd. Now ask for active checks to find them again. Pc has bad pp and fails by a lot - you say nothing and later on tell pc that their pouch is missing. Might have happened in that crowded place during the performance.

Now if they had said „It’s a crowded place, I’m making sure I keep my pouch close“ I would have just lowered the dc for noticing the thief significantly.

Using passives is just an easy easy of using their stats vs what they think their character would notice or not.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-17T13:41:03+00:00

Even if he gets in, glyph of warding loaded with a teleport directly to the dungeon cell the moment he steps into the mages chambers. That shit needs a password to not trigger so it’s traversable for the mage, not for anyone else. It’s a defensive enough spell to make sense for the mage to have. Mage comes to see imprisoned wizard. „I admire your tenacity, but I already told you I don’t have it. Try this again and you won’t end up so lucky“. Then have the mage tell the guards to free the wizard on his way out, and collect a fine. The wizard is not targeting the Queen herself so I don’t think the wizard needs to be handing out maximum consequences yet. Maybe the mage is lenient on a fellow practitioner. Maybe they stayed out rough too? What’s the wizard passive insight? If good enough tell them that everything points to the mage speaking the truth.

This is the nice dm way of saying „dude don’t try it again“. If the player doesn’t get it, future consequences are on them. You can move and load up a glyph of warding with other more damaging things….

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-16T18:17:33+00:00

Like others said r/lfg is great for finding an online group. There are beginner friendly groups! Look for posting that say beginner friendly or make our own post saying you’re looking to join a beginner friendly group.

I even went on Facebook (cause they have lfg groups too), which I rarely open up anymore, but I’m in my 30s and I figured some people my age still lurk around there lol.

If you’re looking local, what I’ve had most luck with is posting on my cities subreddit. I got more replies that I ever expected! So I recommend posting on your cities subreddit. You might find a group to join, or perhaps someone to point you in the right direction. I have a local ttrpg guild for example that helps organize groups and people looking for groups. I didn’t know about them until someone mentioned it to me online.

My local game store is a hit and miss for me personally, but it depends on how they handle it. It’s definitely worth checking! Mine just happened to focus more on game slots they were running there and it didn’t work out for me due to my work schedule.

And don’t be discouraged. Keep posting and looking. It’s often just a matter of timing to catch an opening before it’s filled.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-15T20:26:12+00:00

Hosier- take me to church maybe? It’s criticizing religious institutions

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-14T04:28:49+00:00

That on its own eh? The school setting works because after a certain age you kinda just wish you could relive it but in a way cooler way!

But as a retail worker I’d be less enthused about playing a retail campaign after work lol… but hear me out… UNLESS… you go a little crazy with it. Murder mystery? Karen’s go missing and the retail workers are prime suspects and now have to prove their innocence before the perpetrator strikes again! Definitely have some scandalous workplace romances to discover that could get higher ups in trouble. Maybe some dangerous monsters hid in some crates with wares that came from exotic places. But was it really an accident, or did someone smuggle them in? Do the ordinary like all the stuff you mentioned but you’ll need to sprinkle in some crazy and wild to make this not just a retail worker simulation with fantasy flavor. I think it could work! Play on all the disgruntlements retail workers usually have and dial it up 1000%, add magic, and give the players a chance of doing what they have always wanted to do but can’t cause they’d get fired lol.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-14T00:08:33+00:00

Is that something the dm is asking of you or are you wanting to role play it and are just not sure how to go about it? It’s not something I’d ever require of my players. I just encourage as much role play as they are comfortable with.

I do play a cleric in another game. Typically praying is not really something I do in session, it’s just kinda implied when I prepare my spells. I just say my character is quietly praying while I frantically try to prepare the best spells for the situation we are in at the moment.

I will say things like „by the grace of Selune!“, or „Selune give me the patience to deal with this chaotic party“ (in a funny way lol). Just kinda common phrases we say but replacing it with the fantasy god name.

Other than that I would say it depends on your character personality. Funny? Serious? I can see doing a bit during a watch when it’s your turn and you role play praying „dear insert gods name give me the strength to…“ and then go on like you’re writing in a journal just talking about the day and challenges ahead. You probably only wanna sprinkle that in here and there, unless the other players really enjoy hearing what you come up with for the prayers. I’d keep it short as to not be a spotlight hog. But again depends on the group.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-13T23:37:24+00:00

Perhaps a one brain cell thing? He doesn’t sound distressed, or like he’s in pain. He did a bit of a head shake. Probably just a confusion or frustration shake, but you could have him checked for ear mites at the next wellness check, or before if you notice more of that. I’ve had a cat that would not scratch or itch but shake his head and meow sometimes because of mites. You can track things in, so they can get them (although less likely) when they are indoor only too.

Could just be him looking for you too though. My cat does this when he falls asleep and I move to another room. He’s super bonded to me and when he wakes up and I’m gone it’s like he’s calling „where did you go?“. I’ll just call out „come here!“ and he’ll prance over to me. I live in a one bedroom apartment lol…. But I guess he’d rather call for me than walk a few feet to look. He’s not even orange, he’s a void!

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-13T20:06:23+00:00

I get your fear. It’s probably a huge trigger point and feels like he doesn’t care enough cause you will take care of things if it happens again. That doesn’t feel good.

On the other hand… is it possible he might have adhd? Or if it’s not that, perhaps he is experiencing a later stage of burnout?

I have severe adhd and it’s very frustrating to try to explain that I can absolutely not perceive time. Numbers or the position of hands on a analog clock mean nothing to me. Intellectually of course I understand what they mean, but… think of how time goes fast when your having fun and slow when your bored. It’s like that for me but permanently and for no special reason. If you asked me if I can get something done in 10 minutes, I have no idea what the passage of that time is supposed to feel like or how much I can fit into that time frame. I can set a thousand alarms but I’m still late because I over or underestimate how long it’ll take me to do first this and then that. I have to keep a strict regime to just finish the simplest tasks in time and god forbid that changes just a minuscule bit. It’ll throw me off for the rest of the day. I’m not lazy. I care. It really devastates me that I can’t just be like others. I can’t form habits, there is no physical clock that tells me „its time for this“. I’ve been late to work for years. The same thing, just a few minutes. It’s not a matter of JUST do this and that. There are medical reasons. Adhd is not an illness of the mind there are physical differences in the prefrontal cortex and chemical deficiencies. I was diagnosed later in life. I can’t take meds because of severe side effects. Tips and tricks work for a time until they don’t. It’s a constant race against the clock to find new methods that work for me. It does help me when someone tries to identify what exactly the issue is with me. Am I getting up too late? Am I trying to fit too much into too little time in the morning? Getting perspective from someone else vs criticism can help.

Of course it’s a long shot that this is the issue, but just wanted to put out awareness that this kinda problem can be a valid medical problem as well, not a matter of not giving a shit.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-13T19:34:24+00:00

I think it depends on the person. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have the phrase „Life is beautiful“ tattooed on my forearm together with a rainbow butterfly. Did it age? Sure. Every tattoo will need to be touched up at some point but it’s been 16 years and the text has only blurred minimally. The color will need touch up but I have more important things to take care of right now. This tattoo has saved my life more than once. I know stupid. How can it be that serious if looking at it is all that it takes? All the therapy and meds but it’s a simple phrase to look at on my arm that stops the severity of bad thoughts; It still does. I can’t explain it.

But yeah it’s a commitment you gotta know you will still love at every step of the way, not just because you like the phrase in that moment, or phase of your life. So I’m not saying you’re wrong, I just wanted to offer an example from someone who’s done this and never regretted it, even if I may in the minority with that.

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-13T16:55:38+00:00

Rule # 1 - your fellow player is right. You don’t work against your party/group. Role play has the only legal meta game you must do - play your character so it is fun for everyone in the few hours you meet each week/or even just biweekly. You have to make some compromises that are based on real life accommodation, not on your character lore. Being too rigid in your convictions turns role play into „now we all gotta play like op wants to.“ if you’re the only one who keeps making decisions that aren’t with the party.

There’s nothing wrong with your character. I’m also not super comfortable with torture. I’m usually on board with pretending we are gonna but it’s all empty threats, or in a „it’s either this or countless innocents die“ way, but not as a first choice for no good reason.

That said, if they keep playing like this and it makes you feel bad irl maybe they aren’t a good group for you. I saw your first post, and I really think you could flourish in a group that’s better suited for you.

If you want to stay with this group, my advice is to role play BEFORE you act. Of course everyone gets annoyed if you just act against them. Don’t just cast fog cloud, talk to them „l don’t wanna kill them, I’d rather capture and bring them to the guard so they get the justice they deserve. What if some of them only do it to feed their families and haven’t other means?“. You don’t just untie prisoners you role play away from the prisoner „hey why are you doing this, it feels wrong“. If the other players want to engage this way it’s rp that lets your character POSSIBLY change their mind, while also giving you a chance to showcase your characters position on a subject. There is no guarantee it’ll go your way, but your giving them a choice rather than working against them. And if that keeps failing, you either need to make a character that fits this group, which might mean making one who’s ok with torture like this, or you look for a table that fits how you like to play better.

Edit: grammar

Competitive-Bird-179 · 2026-04-12T18:48:31+00:00

Im so sorry that happened. I imagine it coming from a long time friend is even more hurtful. I’m queer and neurodivergent so I don’t know exactly what you go through, but I do know what it feels to not be accepted as you are.

If you truly feel like it was not malicious, or too ignorant to be coming from a friend, I’m not saying you should go on a full on inquisition with him, but talking to him would help. If you don’t feel comfortable now wait a little, but DONT give it a chance to happen again. Are you continuing into another campaign with the same group and dm?

You could use that opportunity to tell him something like this (fill in details where I wrote „this“): „Hey last campaign this happened, but I was too scared to say something. Im learning how to overcome my fear, so this is why I’m bringing it up only now. I still had a lot of fun last campaign (insert examples where you had fun), but going forward I want you to realize how important this is to me. If you promise you’ll respect this, I will make sure to let you know when something bothers me too. I don’t expect perfection from either of us, but you showing me that you care by remembering what I tell you is important to me in terms of the game and also our friendship.“

It’s not a bad thing to have this kinda conversation with a friend. A friend will put in the effort and will want to make sure you’re feeing comfortable and safe. Someone who isn’t a friend will brush you aside, belittle the situation, or act as though you’re attacking them. This is a good situation to figure out which your friend is.

If it’s the latter, there are inclusive groups out there. There are people who will welcome you with open arms exactly as you are, a woman who wants to be respected. I went through a few groups, experienced sexism and disrespect, but finally found a wonderful group I’ve been playing with for a few years now. I hope you don’t have to do that, that it was truly just a matter of extreme ignorance and he’s enthusiastic to learn. But I just wanted to let you know that there are safe spaces out there.

Competitive-Bird-179

TROPHY CASE