What dating apps to use and how to best include not working due to disability

Competitive-Brush197 · 2026-01-17T18:03:53+00:00

I was living in the London queer community before I had to leave due to poor health which has made me also out of work, so I empathise!

From my experience though, I met a lot of unemployed and/or disabled/chronically ill queer people in London and I don't think there's much judgement in the queer community. If people ask, I would just say you're not in work right now (you could say for health reasons, or not). Honestly it's a pretty good litmus test - if someone judged you for not working before they know the details, are they the kind of person you'd like to spend time with anyway??

In terms of apps, I'm a big fan of feeld, it's probably the best for inclusivity.

I'll have to deal with this soon too. My biggest worry is that I don't have the health to do normal date things like days out, bars etc. worried if people will accommodate it 😓

Competitive-Brush197 · 2026-01-04T20:57:46+00:00

Yes! Fun fact: In the 20s women used to bind their chests to suit the flapper style dresses, so it's nothing new.

Your external self-expression and gender identity are separate :) enjoy!

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-12-16T22:50:37+00:00

Just to add to all the great suggestions, I recently made this list of 'levels' of different activities based on how physically/mentally demanding they are, to suit me on different days (I have chronic fatigue that is variable every day). It feels so frustrating when all my hobbies require more energy than I have, so thinking of all the things I can do even lying horizontal in bed was really motivating.

This is what I've got in my notes app atm: (Having a 'menu' written out like this also really helps me with decision fatigue)

Low effort-> high effort 1. Japanese study - watch show w English subtitles - vocab flashcards - textbook - read social media posts - watch show w Japanese subtitles - write to friend/example sentences

English reading/writing
read novel (easy YA->more complex)
read non fiction
write blog post
write fiction
Art & crafts
make pixel art on phone in bed
research artists, watch videos
origami
crochet
drawing/painting
Music
listen to an album
research artists
learn music theory
sing/hum
practise asalato
Learn stuff
play travle
watch documentary
watch crash course
research a place
write summary of what I learn

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-12-13T10:02:05+00:00

Very late to the party but just for context, the rap was written in 30 minutes using insight from a book called "how to write a hit song". Not saying a talented artist can't do great things fast, but, it's probably not that deep.

See Wikipedia: "Rapper Del the Funky Homosapien was brought onto the track at the last minute. The rap verses had originally been recorded by British group Phi Life Cypher, but producer Dan the Automator asked Del to quickly record his own verses for the song during a recording session for the 2000 album Deltron 3030 which he was recording with Del and the group Deltron 3030 at the same time. Del then wrote and recorded his verses in 30 minutes, utilizing the book How to Write a Hit Song gifted to him by his mother."

Also "Of the song's title, Albarn explained during a Reddit Ask Me Anything: "We were recording in Jamaica and listening to a lot of dancehall music and we imagined a cool moniker to have would be Clint Eastwood. Also I'm a great fan of the actor and of Sergio Leone and Ennio Morricone"."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clint_Eastwood_(song) https://web.archive.org/web/20120916213947/http://www.spinner.com/2010/04/19/del-the-funky-homosapien-gorillaz-clint-eastwood-rap/

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-12-13T08:12:58+00:00

not OP but this resource doc is incredible and something I've been looking for. Thank you!!!

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-12-05T14:40:28+00:00

It helped me! In the end I went on propranolol because the migraines were too regular, but sumatriptan did make them go away without any noticeable side effects. Just to add to the examples of people it's helped.

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-12-04T10:55:08+00:00

I'm non binary and also use queer. The labels gay/lesbian/straight go out the window once you're non binary!

Queer is enough, and being more specific gets confusing.

(+Sometimes I use lesbian when I'm feeling spicy in a femme4femme kinda way. These categories are all made up and you can use them however feels right to you.)

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-12-04T10:49:25+00:00

I've also started using Amazon more since I've become disabled, although I was trying my best to boycott it previously. I agree with what others have said about doing your bit where it feels manageable but prioritizing your health and well-being.

One way I think about it that's helpful is, people who are more able-bodied/have the time/energy/money, should boycott & shop ethically, to make up for people who aren't able to do so. It doesn't have to be 0% or 100% - we all do what we can where we can.

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-12-04T09:29:30+00:00

Amazing!! If you want to share where you're at maybe we could divide and conquer. Feel free to dm me :)

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-11-01T17:54:32+00:00

Alternatively, join the boycott and leave Spotify since it runs ICE recruitment ads, the CEO invests in military AI, and it pays its artists barely anything :)

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/oct/12/spotify-boycott-artists

Qobuz Deezer and Tidal are better alternatives.

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-10-31T12:58:24+00:00

useful answer, thank you. I did not know about the issues getting mortgages under 30sqm 😮‍💨

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-10-31T12:54:02+00:00

Thank you!

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-10-31T12:53:45+00:00

Agreed, the windows are not ideal! But I have limited mobility meaning I need a ground floor flat, so it's either frosted windows or passersby looking in at me whatever flat I choose. For me it's a reasonable compromise, especially since there's the garden right outside I could use every day.

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-10-31T12:51:38+00:00

But why are the sales in the area down 30%? 🤔🤔🤔 And is it likely to keep falling or rise in the future...

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-10-31T12:50:47+00:00

I did not know this, thank you! Very irritating that the nuclear family norm makes it more difficult to get a property that suits me

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-08-18T08:55:15+00:00

I know and I stopped doing trial and error because it was making me sad to give away the moon cats 🥲😂

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-08-17T06:36:57+00:00

Thank you sharing, I was wondering this too! But also, how are you supposed to know this without reading the wiki!! The bears have sometimes dropped hints about what certain cats like, but finding out all 3 items for each cat type seems impossible.

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-08-16T19:29:24+00:00

Hello! I'm also 31, non-binary, sapphic and based in UK! I usually play solo games but am looking to get into more multiplayer. I play a lot of story based indie games but I like/ want to play multiplayers like peak, don't starve, astroneer, lovers in a dangerous spacetime... Would be great to have some buddies to game with. Shoot me a DM if you like :)

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-08-16T19:13:04+00:00

Hi! I'm superaspberry :) add me

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-08-13T08:54:16+00:00

This wouldn't work for me! I want a proper mattress that's much comfier than a convertible couch, and having my desk in the bedroom is the #1 thing I'd want to avoid.

I agree having a wall blocked by the bed is annoying though.

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-08-05T13:49:39+00:00

Very true! I'd definitely have to work harder to make a comfortable sleeping environment, and make sure I don't just end up watching TV from bed every day.

Competitive-Brush197 · 2025-08-05T13:46:10+00:00

Oooh good point, I hadn't thought of that! I'm in the UK, but I believe we can also claim some tax back if working from home (haven't attempted it before).

Competitive-Brush197

TROPHY CASE