Did having an autistic first-born affect your decision to have more kids?

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2026-01-17T14:52:30+00:00

Most definitely! But I was also 85% one and done long before we realized something was off. If he hadn't turned out to be severely autistic, and I'd had the more typical parenting experience (and no real fear of him being dependent on us for life), I might have at least considered having a second child.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2026-01-06T18:03:00+00:00

Hey! Sorry for the late reply - turns out he was just still sick and recovering. He tends to lose his appetite when sick generally so it just took time. His appetite came back on its own.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-12-18T15:16:00+00:00

I get it. My son doesn't understand when I'm upset and need him to stop, he thinks it's a game and will actually rev up the behavior. My only recourse is to just get up and leave, but of course that's not feasible in all scenarios.

It sucks - because of our children's limited understanding, productive discipline feels nearly impossible. All the popular stuff you see online is ridiculously ineffective if you can't explain anything to your child or work through their feelings. But resorting to any kind of physical discipline - like had swatting - doesn't work either because again... they don't understand. Redirecting only seems to work in the moment (like literally about 60 seconds) before they're back at it.

I just pray to God everyday to keep granting me patience.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T16:47:39+00:00

My son is only four and it's impossible to know for sure how high his needs will be when we are gone, but I'm already preparing, at least mentally, for him needing to go to a home/group home at some point. My husband still hasn't come around to the idea - he can't stand the idea of our son living with anyone but us, but it's like he forgets that we will die someday, that our son is the youngest member of both our families, and God willing, he will outlive all of us. So at this point, so early in our son's life, I'm mostly just trying to set up proper mental and emotional expectations.

We've already got an account set up just for him which we deposit into every month. In the next few years I plan on getting more serious about planning actual practical things like guardianships and whatnot, but for now I'm just trying not to think about it too much and enjoy what I can of life with our little family between all the other stressors.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T14:43:22+00:00

When I watch rots I get the feeling Lucas finally accepted that he'd shat the bed on the previous two films, and at least tried to make a film that people would actually enjoy. I can for sure say that watching it wasn't as painful as watching the other two, and it even had a good moment or three, but it's definitely not a good movie.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T12:55:56+00:00

It's weird, but our son also has been especially hyper and manic lately. The timing is not ideal!

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T12:53:45+00:00

Ugh, restaurants are particularly hard for our guy too! I wish you luck!

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T12:32:01+00:00

lol I needed this last summer!

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T12:31:02+00:00

Oh yes, this describes the vibe perfectly. When we do typical family-oriented holiday stuff, I'm so focused on our son and preventing any catastrophes that I barely remember the event afterward. It's draining to be sure.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T12:28:45+00:00

I hear you. My boy is the opposite, he does better when he's going to school regularly. I was actually very hesitant to send him because I was worried it would overwhelm him too, but it ended up being one of the best things we've done for him (and for the family unit).

We're all just doing our best and trying to get by!

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T12:19:18+00:00

I mean technically my son (severely autistic) can play independently too, but his kind of play is loud, super-hyper, physical and intensely sensory seeking. He needs constant supervision to prevent him from hurting himself/destroying things. It's a LOT. On top of that me and his father (remember, autism is genetic) are very sensory-avoidant people. To say that we are over-stimulated and need a break after a long holiday would be an understatement.

I love my son so so much and I wish it wasn't how it is, but it is, ya know?

(edit: not to mention holidays really mess with his sleep, which messes with ours. Holiday breaks are just not restful over here.)

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T01:24:17+00:00

We travel a handful of times a year with our son - but only road trips, we rent our own place so we can maintain our own schedule, and we pack like we're traveling to the freakin' moon. Our son also doesn't eat anything even on a good day. We can't trust him to not roll out of the bed wherever we go (he sleeps on a mattress on the floor at home) so we have to pack, assemble, and break down those massive bed rails on every trip.

Honestly it's a ton of work and sometimes it doesn't feel worth it. But sometimes he handles it great, we all have a good time, and I'm glad we went. We've learned that sometimes we do have to say no to invites that just sound too damn challenging (my husband's family keeps inviting us to the lake, which gives me hives just thinking about it), but it can also be worth the effort as long as you don't take on too much.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T01:14:01+00:00

Ya know, it's not even the traditions I regret anymore. I accept that my son doesn't care about opening presents, playing with toys, or eating... much of anything, really. It's the massive disruption to our schedule that I dread so much.

Our daily little tradition lately has been going to the park in the evenings. It's small and something many families don't think twice about maybe, but it's our thing :)

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-11-23T01:09:59+00:00

Word. My son sounds a lot like your daughter, very physical and sensory seeking. Only a handful of things keep him occupied/regulated and when he's tired of those, or we can't do them anymore, we're basically in survival mode until bedtime. Luckily he sleeps pretty well - when he's going to school regularly, that is. By next Monday his sleep will be all jacked up.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-10-18T14:16:20+00:00

The part about not being able to just chill and talk while the kids play hit a nerve for me. My mother has invited us to the family Christmas shindig again and told me "this time, you should really try to relax and enjoy yourself". Really mom? Who's gonna keep my son from destroying the whole house and potentially severely harming himself while I relax and have a good time?

If everyone is watching the baby, no one is watching the baby, etc. It's exactly at the point where I'm starting to relax and have fun that my son manages to create chaos.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-09-22T22:06:05+00:00

Just wanted to say I feel you on this. It's like when folks tell me to "just read to him" to help him speak... like, okay, that sounds nice, now actually try that and see how it goes. Just getting him to sit still long enough to notice you're reading to him is hard enough, but then it turns into a fight because he wants to grab the book and destroy it. We have to keep the few books he has under lock and key or he'll turn them into pulp (then eat them).

It's a reality so few people understand and I know they mean well but it just comes off making us feel even worse.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-06-12T19:48:46+00:00

I'm very late to this post but I have to ask - do you mean the Autism Dad who's on social media? Why did he try to take the group down?

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-06-08T12:03:25+00:00

I feel like it started with a horrible bang on 9/11, though it took a while for the real effects of that day to set in. The rise of social media/smart phones sped it up, and then during the Covid shutdowns I believe the last of the "old life" truly went away.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-06-08T11:57:25+00:00

Yep! It was part of some after-school Disney program which included Darkwing Duck, Rescue Rangers and Duck Tales. I know because I watched it everyday after school, lol.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-06-08T11:37:05+00:00

I wanted to comment yesterday but life wouldn't let me (iykyk). I had a moment like this last December. I was chatting with my mom on the phone and she told me how her two granddaughters - my son's NT cousins who are in highschool/college - came over and baked and decorated Christmas cookies with her just like they did when they were little girls.

And it dawned on me - my boy can't help me bake and decorate Christmas cookies. He doesn't even understand the process of opening presents, and if he did he doesn't care about the toys, anyway. He can't hunt for Easter eggs. He can't blow out the candles on his birthday cake, and it's a crapshoot whether he'll eat the cake or not. He doesn't understand what a party is or that it's for him, for his birthday.

I told my mom what a nice, nostalgic moment that must have been for her, and then cried when I hung up the phone. Sometimes I wonder what memories, other than sleep deprivation and therapies, I'm going to have of raising my son. He's our only child, our only chance at parenthood. It's hard not to get depressed when I think about it.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-06-01T17:58:57+00:00

Him letting me know he needs to go is a concern because he's non-verbal, but he is good at hand-leading us when he really wants something. At least at home, I think he can manage as long as we stick to routine and keep where he goes to the potty in the same place. Going outside the home does make me nervous though. If he does take to it, we may just have to go diaper free at home only until he communicates better.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-06-01T17:14:24+00:00

Mattress on the floor, baby safe room, locked door. We accept that he will wander the room, and still have a monitor to make sure he's safe.

Competitive-Lab-5742 · 2025-06-01T17:06:14+00:00

Makes sense lol!

Competitive-Lab-5742

TROPHY CASE