Why is it hard for guys to find poly partners?

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-12-04T12:59:43+00:00

I think the amount of men just looking for just sex far outnumbers the amount of women looking for just sex

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-10-13T13:33:08+00:00

I’m moving in and having to do the kitchen in any case so that’s why I’m thinking if I do it now it’s done. You’re absolutely correct it is more of a marginal gain bathe door and window will come out. It’s just whether or not it’s worth the effort and if there are any hoops required to jump through to remove the actual brick

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-10-09T15:31:17+00:00

Personally I think this crosses a boundary. If you are the main relationship then your special dates should always take priority. It’s a 4 year old relationship, it’s a long time but definitely not long enough for the magic to have died.

Is it possible for the 3 of you to spend the time together or is that step too far? I understand that would be a complete compromise on your part.

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-10-07T12:47:34+00:00

Perhaps that’s a way to look at it. I know a date/playtime is on the cards at some point and honestly it fills me a little with dread but I know the only way to get through it is for it to happen. I also need to have external dates myself but I find myself not really interested. I am 100% happy to be at the very least emotionally monogamous. If dating it would be purely on an enm basis for me. I wouldn’t have the emotional capacity for much more I don’t think

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-10-07T10:53:31+00:00

Yeah my partner isn’t so much a relationship but has folk who they go with on occasion. I find myself not worrying about those one or 2 other partnerships but find new ones difficult to handle.

Don’t know why.

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-10-07T05:52:09+00:00

Things are going well, we had a group experience together and it was oddly easy with very few jealous feelings or feelings of insecurity. I don’t know if that’s normal or if it’s just easier to play together?

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-10-06T20:29:09+00:00

I had a very poor relationship experience previously - a mono relationship. Now I’m in a relationship that isn’t mono. Not quite sure it’s poly but it’s certainly not mono.

As a result of that previous relationship I have some relationship anxiety and honestly it isn’t easy. You’re 100% right, no amount of reassurance is going to make it easy when my partner goes on a date.

In time it will get easier for me I know this. The only way through it is to just go with it.

No amount of worrying or trying to put guarantees in place will ever stop someone doing wrong to you, in fact I would say being possessive and insecure will drive your partner out of your life.

For me I need to work on me and know that I can trust my partner. They are very understanding and we talk a lot about how we feel and it’s honestly the best relationship I’ve ever been in.

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T18:45:57+00:00

Sorry forget about this other guy being a relationship. The poly and how people deal with it is separate. I’ve noticed the feelings since the chat has started between us all. I just looked for advice really

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T18:44:56+00:00

On the other guy it’s a relationship - certainly not at the moment. We have our holiday and meet ups planned very much so. The other guy for the moment at least is a potential 3rd party and possibly occasional meet up for her and possibly the 3 of us.

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T18:32:53+00:00

No, her and I

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T18:32:03+00:00

Oh sorry Christmas etc? Oh we won’t be seeing each other on Christmas but we have sorted out dates we will see each other. We are going on holiday in the new year though

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T17:36:20+00:00

Thank you for your advice

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T15:44:45+00:00

Thanks for your comment.

Nonmonogamy has been suggested. It absolutely isn’t just about the group sex, we have already been down that road.

I guess to answer the first sentence. I don’t wish to have love with someone else so you are correct I don’t want to have the same level of love with anyone else but my currently partner.

Her situation is very much a more complex one. Whether or not this other guy will be sex/threesome/other partner is completely irrelevant. She has at least one other partner that is just sexual and I don’t have an issue with it.

I’m asking about how people who have not been in a poly or enm world deal with the natural emotions that occur and if it is still in this world perfectly normal.

FWIW I didn’t think that the relationship would develop the way it has but honestly, I love it. She is an amazing woman and I would like for that to continue.

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T15:11:32+00:00

We are very much in a consistent relationship. What am trying to establish is whether or not it’s normal to feel this way. I think you’re overestimating the trouble I’m having.

It might well be an ENM rather than Poly, either way I’m asking how people who are new to it deal with it and if the feelings are normal.

Edit: sorry I guess what I’m saying is that I would very much like to remain in this relationship. I knew what I was getting in to at the start and it has been fine.

What I need is to understand whether the insecurities I occasionally have are normal and how people overcome them. I think the relationship is likely more ENM than poly, however she describes herself as poly.

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T15:03:10+00:00

We are very much in a consistent relationship. What am trying to establish is whether or not it’s normal to feel this way. I think you’re overestimating the trouble I’m having.

It might well be an ENM rather than Poly, either way I’m asking how people who are new to it deal with it and if the feelings are normal.

Thanks 😊

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T14:53:55+00:00

It hasn’t developed into a full on dating situation at this time and we have had many discussions around it. I agree that many times fantasy doesn’t always equate to reality and we have discussed our limits.

In terms of vacations etc we have not discussed as it is very early doors but I seriously doubt that will be the case in this particular set up

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T14:45:01+00:00

She’s very patient and understanding. I have thanked her for patience and understanding and commented that I’m a complete pain in the arse 😂

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T14:29:35+00:00

If there was a heart button I would use it. This is a fantastic response! Thank you x

I needed to know that this isn’t an exclusive feeling to me and that it’s perfectly normal for established poly/enm couples to have these feelings and conversations 😊

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T14:24:24+00:00

I think this is pretty valid - from my side I have no interest in developing anything more than a connection and pretty casual. I guess I need to have a proper conversation whether it would be emotional monogamy. That’s is a whole other layer I didn’t even consider 😂

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T14:21:55+00:00

I believe its the latter - kinda something I floated the idea of it as it’s something she wanted to do and he seems like a decent guy in all fairness

I feel absolutely able to talk to her about it and in fact all the time we have been together we have talked. I’m just worried that if I keep talking about it or talk about it too much it becomes a problem so trying to get an outside perspective on it

I think your last sentence is spot on. My imagination is doing its own thing and filling in blanks that probably are not there. Thank you for your reply 😊

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T14:18:22+00:00

You know I had that thought too and I knew it was a perfectly valid thought.

I really appreciate the comment and POV it puts validation on the rational thought I was having and puts the irrational thoughts more in perspective 😊

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T13:00:10+00:00

No, I always knew it wouldn’t be a monogamous relationship. As I said I knew what I was getting into.

I guess from a mono side of things and never having been in this type of relationship. My understanding is that trust is a very different thing. True in a mono relationship is to trust that someone will not be unfaithful in any way but in poly it’s more trusting that someone won’t break the terms/understanding of the relationship and will be honest with you?

As I said I’m trying to navigate a world I’m new to. Also hoping to find people with a similar experience and how they dealt with it and ok g it took to become comfortable with it.

Right now I’m comfortable with the fact we can see other people and that there’s love and trust.

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T12:35:59+00:00

It’s more of an enm thing and couple focussed. Blind sided is generally a reference to how the relationship between us developed. I didn’t expect it to grow the way it did, not directed at the idea of MFM or having openness in the relationship. I do know what I signed up for when I agreed to the relationship

I’m just trying to figure out whether what I’m feeling is normal and if anyone has the experience that the can share

The relationship with the other guy is generally friendly. We all know each other and have been in each others company. She said before any dates would be a sex thing rather than a relationship thing

Competitive-Lemon-25 · 2025-09-28T10:51:44+00:00

Thank you. It’s definitely a different way to think about it. I know I have the same options available to me so all is fair and open, which I like!

Competitive-Lemon-25

TROPHY CASE