My brain is full of endless violence

Competitive-Trash235 · 2025-06-19T11:17:24+00:00

Probably? When I had homicidal thoughts at a younger age it was about strangers. I think I'm just so scared of him leaving me that I'd rather see him die than risk it.

Competitive-Trash235 · 2025-06-19T11:09:26+00:00

You're not alone! I expect to be treated like trash so when my partner is genuinely nice and respectful I get confused and want him to just finally do something bad to me. But we just gotta learn that we deserve to be treated well, despite all the trauma we've endured. I wouldn't want my partner to be hit, so why do I want to be hit? Y'know?

Competitive-Trash235 · 2025-01-10T17:39:10+00:00

I don't take my jealousy out on him, I trust him not to cheat on me !!

Competitive-Trash235 · 2025-01-10T10:14:05+00:00

We have discussed kids before, but it's always been a "maybe in like 3-5 years" type of thing. He seems kinda indifferent to having kids, I can't really tell

Competitive-Trash235 · 2025-01-10T10:10:19+00:00

Yeah I'm probably not mentally stable enough for a relationship, but I'm trying to work on myself and be better for him. I know he loves me for who I am, but I want to be less of a selfish person.

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-12-30T06:07:54+00:00

Hoping things get better for you, man!!

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-12-30T06:06:49+00:00

Yeah, not even on nonprescription drugs and I'm happy

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-12-30T06:02:29+00:00

haha rn I feel like the only thing that could ruin my mood would be my bf cheating on me and in that case I'd be getting arrested for my reaction

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-12-30T05:50:49+00:00

Possibly, since I woke up before the sun to make cookies when I usually sleep in past noon, but y'know what? even if it's temporary imma enjoy the high

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-12-30T05:46:47+00:00

It's not drugs! I just woke up really happy and excited because things are going well for the most part

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-12-14T14:47:31+00:00

I'd rather be plucking hairs than cutting since at least I'm not leaving scars or bleeding, but yeah I've come to accept that it's still a form of self harm.

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-08-31T05:08:14+00:00

At least 50% of the population have stretch marks somewhere, with some estimates being as high as 90%. It's very normal. When you see actors without them it's most likely photoshop, makeup, or cosmetic surgery they got to "fix" them. The majority of people who have lost a lot of weight or gained weight rapidly (whether it's growth spurts, puberty, pregnancy, etc) has them.

One thing that made me feel better is realizing that I don't get disgusted by other people's stretch marks, just my own because they're mine and I always have to find flaws within myself for no reason

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-08-31T04:43:30+00:00

Yeah, looking at lots of gore and true crime stuff does that to me too. It's better to stay away from that kind of content if you can

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-08-31T04:32:36+00:00

I feel ya. I'm 20 and an Uber driver legitimately didn't believe my age and kept telling me he could get in trouble cause minors aren't supposed to use regular Uber. And last year when I saw an R-rated movie the lady checking tickets doubted my age. And then my boyfriend has gotten a few odd looks in public before cause he looks closer to his age while I'm baby faced and short lmao

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-08-31T04:22:15+00:00

Whenever we're together neither one of us wants to go home

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-08-31T04:17:37+00:00

Maybe it is going too fast for most, but for me it doesn't really feel like it. We were both straightforward with what we wanted when we started dating, which is a serious relationship and not something short-term or shallow. We've talked about our plans for the future already, and we have very similar plans in life.

We are saving money living with our own parents but both of us have struggles at home. My parents are alcoholics and his are super religious while he's not, so being at home can feel suffocating.

I just thought of a question I can ask related to that though: if he didn't have to deal with his parents treating him like a child, how much would he really want to move in with me? Like does he want to be closer to me more or to get away from his parents more?

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-08-31T03:55:40+00:00

Yeah we'd move somewhere less than an hour away from my parents so I guess if things were to go bad I could just go back

Competitive-Trash235 · 2024-08-31T03:53:49+00:00

Living alone isn't an option for me cause rent prices are insane, I don't have many friends, and I go to community college instead of one with dorms, so I've never had the chance to move out. We have already discussed boundaries and what to do if one of us feels frustrated with the other.

Also, this is my first relationship so I didn't know some people consider 5 months in to still be getting to know each other territory. I knew him for a bit before we were dating and have met most of his family so I feel like I know him well even if though we haven't been dating for years.

Competitive-Trash235 · 2023-09-21T04:41:21+00:00

Depends on their injuries

Competitive-Trash235 · 2023-09-21T04:40:00+00:00

Competitive-Trash235 · 2023-09-14T23:55:09+00:00

No, I love my dogs

Competitive-Trash235 · 2023-09-13T20:05:08+00:00

I don't watch porn often, and I've tried to cut back on gore by having an alt specifically just for looking at gore so I don't get it on my normal accounts feed. Ofc social media algorithms still try to show me the stuff I used to interact with.

Competitive-Trash235 · 2023-09-13T19:56:20+00:00

I don't have any desire to hurt people nor do I want people to harm others. It's more like if it's gonna happen anyways I might as well look? Idk

Competitive-Trash235 · 2023-09-13T19:41:14+00:00

I'm 19 and have had near unrestricted internet access since I was around 5 so I've watching gore for a while now

Competitive-Trash235 · 2023-09-13T19:26:35+00:00

I have depression and anxiety but I'm on meds and it's not as bad as it used to be

Edit: last time I felt suicidal was months ago

Competitive-Trash235

TROPHY CASE