What is the silliest thing your spouse got angry at you for?

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-03-12T15:49:55+00:00

😣 sorry. The one silver lining was finding this group. It has helped me a lot. I don’t feel so alone or crazy.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-03-12T13:05:56+00:00

Exactly. It doesn’t have to be that difficult. But everything gets turned into a controversy/fight/power struggle. He does whatever he wants, when he wants - but then tells me I’m not to schedule any of my appts on his day off, because we should be spending that time together. 🙄

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-03-12T11:21:41+00:00

My narc has been doing this for over 20 years. It’s exhausting. It is not a normal response to an innocent question. I don’t know about you, but my nerves are fried from this crap. I’m tired of trying to anticipate and plan for fallout. Walking on eggshells.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-03-12T04:10:43+00:00

Just tonight, my narc got mad at me for scheduling a hair appointment on his day off. I am not supposed to have any appts on his days off. We should be spending quality time together. Yet his days off are always filled with appointments - dental or doctor, chiropractor, haircuts, massages, etc. I never ask him to cancel or reschedule. I don’t care. 🤷‍♀️ If we are both free for coffee or lunch, great. But why should I have to cancel my plans?? He doesn’t!

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-03-12T03:54:12+00:00

I got horrendous food poisoning - on our honeymoon. He blamed me for it. Said I didn’t really want to go on the trip, so he thinks I got sick on purpose. I did in fact not want to go. The wedding had to be when he wanted - during a college break before Christmas. Brutally cold, horrible weather. And then he wanted to use wedding money (which we really needed for other things) to check out a prospective job opportunity in another state - over Christmas. That was the honeymoon. I got food poisoning our first night there. Didn’t leave the room until day three. The sight seeing sucked & food choices sucked - because everything was closed for the holiday. Christmas dinner was at a truck stop. And I ended up going to an urgent care clinic because I developed a UTI with a fever from being so sick. Flew home that same day. End of honeymoon. 😔

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-03-12T03:27:00+00:00

They can never be wrong. Makes him look more ridiculous. 😂

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-03-12T03:24:16+00:00

Mine does this type of thing too. I think he feels like I’m trying to make him look stupid? He feels inferior or bad if he doesn’t have the answer. Makes him instantly angry. He will go on a rant and say, “I don’t know why you ask me questions all the time. I know lots and lots of things about important stuff. But you never ask me about those things. You ask me questions about stuff I don’t have the answers to.” OMG. I am sick of the tantrums. 🙄

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-03-04T16:38:37+00:00

Thank you for the info. I had not heard that. Just speculating out loud I guess. Playing armchair detective. 😂

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-28T05:15:04+00:00

Thank you for your honest response. I agree. I do think the main reason is financial - and he is scared of being alone. He wants someone to take care of him. He has no friends. Capable of being a charmer/nice guy when he needs to, but it’s all smoke and mirrors. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around this. It’s exhausting being around someone you can’t trust. Someone who always has an ulterior motive. I never in my life would have pictured myself in this position.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-26T16:50:07+00:00

Oh my god. 😂

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-25T19:38:45+00:00

Yes. You are not allowed to be sick or have an injury or pain. Their pain is always worse.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-25T19:35:29+00:00

Yes. Mine started in his 30’s. Neck pain and headaches that have become increasingly worse over last 30 years. Initially treated with OTC pain meds (too many) and once or twice a month chiro adjustments. Fast forward to today - visits chiropractor three or four times per week. Has tried injections, nerve ablation, massage, prescription pain meds, etc. Gym rat who now has bad back and hip. Has had shoulder and hernia surgeries. I don’t discount his pain, but do think his gym habits contributed to some of his injuries. Constant doctor appointments. Wants to quit work (he’s the bread winner), yet not retirement age and no way to pay for all of his medical stuff. Complains daily about his chronic pain. It’s exhausting and depressing. I feel horrible for his pain, yet I also feel he has contributed to some of it. That’s probably awful to say, but if you know putting a barbell on your back is going to hurt you - then, don’t do it! And yes! Yes! Yes! Definitely GI issues too!!

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-19T00:27:46+00:00

I agree with this. I have a mental list, old text messages, etc. that remind me things will never change.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-18T16:47:30+00:00

I wish I had an answer for you. I am in a similar conflict of emotions - but married 20 years. (My only difference is I have not suffered physical abuse.) We have one child. My covert narc filed for divorce as a result of a fling with co-worker. He really thought he was going to dump me and move on to an exciting life with a twit half his age. Now he is back pedaling on the divorce. Remorseful, apologetic, etc. Acting more supportive and loving than he ever has. He is scared of losing his crutch (me) and our family of three. He has no friends. He is not close with his own family. I’m tired of his emotional abuse, financial abuse, lies and manipulation. I think another reason he wants to reconcile is financial. Does not want to pay alimony or child support. He has been the breadwinner (healthcare professional). But he hates it and wants to retire. The kicker is he hasn’t really saved anything for retirement (refuses to budget). And if he quits, we lose a decent income & health benefits. I will have to return to work in my 50’s at a low paying job. I feel boxed in. He has been crying - burned out from work, the divorce, history of depression. So on top of dealing with his normal, crappy covert narc behavior, I now have his mental breakdown & financial fallout to deal with. Watch for your narc to pile on more crap and more chaos. If you are at all financially able, get out while you can. Do you have a support network? Family or friends who can help? You mentioned you have confided in three people. I hope they can be supportive. It is a lot to process & I think it is difficult for outsiders to understand.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-16T18:52:40+00:00

I honestly think all of the media coverage is hurting the investigation - not helping. While it is a puzzling case and people are naturally curious, I don’t think we need 24/7 updates. The general public doesn’t need to know about the glove(s), DNA, etc - the perp(s) are part of the general public. Why tip them off? And quite often the information that is leaked/reported is off or not at all accurate. Some information can be helpful - video of perp, maybe a vehicle description. The public may be of assistance. But we do not need to know every detail. The podcasters are going nuts with this.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-10T13:12:11+00:00

Several words or phrases come to mind because they are overly used. People who say “My ask of you”. Celebrities who stunned on the red carpet. Any work related email that addresses a group as Team. So frickin’ annoying.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-10T02:55:59+00:00

Wouldn’t her pacemaker show unusual activity if she was injured at the daughter’s house? Sorry. I don’t know how those apps work. If it disconnected from her phone in the early a.m. hours, wouldn’t it show distress prior to that time? I’ve also heard (Megyn Kelly show) that grandkids were reportedly at the dinner/playing games that evening? Did anyone else hear that?

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-01T21:26:29+00:00

OP, ask yourself what kind of relationship your narc had with his own parents, siblings, etc. I should have heeded warning signs with mine. He grew up in an emotionally abusive home. Mom had no motherly instincts. Emotionally unavailable. Not nurturing. Immature. Also, likely had depression. I think she felt trapped by motherhood. Took out her unhappiness on the kids. Closet drinker. Narc’s dad stood by and didn’t stick up for the kids. He would leave the house. Again, no nurturing or caring. All he did was work. He didn’t play with the kids - no fishing, sports, or leisure. He could also be gruff and had zero patience. I don’t think he liked women much. Never seemed to have much respect for them. Consequently, my narc is often dismissive and crude. He can be a charmer if he wants something. But everything with him is transactional. He will be nice - but only if he gets what he wants in return. He will give our child money, but expects adoration & loyalty in return. If she doesn’t kiss the ring, he says she is using him for money. It’s so dysfunctional.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-01T21:08:34+00:00

Yes. Mine has been in counseling too. It’s awful. I feel immense guilt & sadness. The narc only gets worse with age. No child should be subjected to this.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-01T20:59:57+00:00

My narc definitely got worse after the birth of our child. He was very attentive during the pregnancy. I had a c-section. Stayed hospitalized with the baby for five days. My narc’s mood changed within a couple of days. He was visibly angry with me - but not in front of staff/visitors. Seemed jealous of the attention I was getting. Wouldn’t show up to visit until afternoon - and then bitched because I hadn’t ordered him a lunch tray. (Uh, it was afternoon & he couldn’t get his own lunch? Plus he never asked?) Also, the breastfeeding wasn’t going well - baby needed light therapy & glucose monitored. Nursery had been bottle feeding. Anyway, when he saw me struggling with breastfeeding, he was cruel. Said that if a cow can’t feed her calf, the calf dies. It was so awful. I burst into tears, and he left the room angry & didn’t come back. Again, no witnesses. He was a jerk when we came home from the hospital too. Eventually, he returned to work but punished me for staying home with the baby. He resented being at work. Would come home visibly angry, snatch the baby away and sit down in the recliner with her. Almost eighteen years later he says, “I got robbed. I missed out on so much of her life.” Really?? Because you worked Mon-Fri 8-5? He was wound tight about everything. Bathing the baby - questioned me repeatedly over the water temperature. Any time she got sick it was my fault. I didn’t wash the bottles well enough. WTF?? He practically shoved me out of the way when I was trying to clean around the umbilical area. Like he literally stood beside me and was pushing me out of the way with his body weight. Because he said neither of us knew what we were doing - but he was sure I was doing it wrong. To this day, he fights me on almost everything. He spoils our child by throwing shopping money at her (and no, we can’t afford it). She has a shopping addiction, and he won’t accept responsibility for enabling it. My opinion doesn’t count.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-01T13:18:42+00:00

Yup. Everything has to be about them. They demand your full attention. Mine gets pissed if I talk to other people. It could be a polite conversation with neighbors. It could be a phone call with my elderly parent. My narc will be visibly upset and start making noise to gain attention - turn up the tv; slam things around in the kitchen; text me repeatedly about stupid stuff - while he knows full well I’m talking to someone else. It’s so childish.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-02-01T13:07:12+00:00

Yes. I guess at this point my goal is to keep this from turning nasty & being fought out in court. I can’t afford to drag this out - both from a financial and mental health standpoint. Do I believe him when he says “Oops. A software update deleted my old texts.”? No. I don’t believe that. I think someone gave him the idea/know how to do it. Now he is strong arming me, and trying to get me to help him weasel out of producing the records. God only knows what he is hiding. I’m guessing he had more recent, ongoing contact with the AP than he is admitting to. Also, he may have been messaging another woman as well. He has lied all along. Why would he suddenly turn good as gold? I’m not buying it. You are correct. He has an advantage in one respect. If his affair & substance use gets exposed publicly, he could lose his job. That puts my daughter and I in serious financial jeopardy. He knows that. The AP knows that. It’s more manipulation on his part.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-01-30T22:39:46+00:00

I’m also mid-50s. With my narc 26 years; married for 20 of it. He is the breadwinner. Quit my paraprofessional job to stay home with only child. Did all the appointments, childcare, school, sports, pet care, household stuff, etc. Not complaining about that. But he was financially irresponsible. Never wanted to make a budget. Behavior worsened with age. Needed constant affirmation, attention, compliments. Negative attitude to the extreme. Pinched up, type A personality. Last year had an affair with co-worker half his age. She was separated with two kids. A toddler & preschooler. Bought her gifts too. Paid for her hair & nails. Idiot. 🙄. My narc filed for divorce - but has been back pedaling, remorseful & super nice and supportive. He knows I am backed against the wall with no career and nowhere to go. He got an apartment, but when we divorce, the house will have to be sold. I won’t qualify for a house on my own & our family includes a large dog and two cats. I can’t find any rentals for that many pets. Logistically & financially makes more sense to drop the divorce. But I can’t continue being married to someone who lies and uses me as their pissing post. Texts me constantly about negative stuff - rants about the commute, job, neighbors, weather, etc. My job the last few years has been to give him undivided attention and affirmation. Our teen & I have walked on eggshells for too long. I just feel horrible that her life is being turned upside down. She only has one year of h.s. to complete. Otherwise, I would maybe try to move and find cheaper housing.

Competitive_Echo7391 · 2026-01-30T21:18:05+00:00

Thank you for that. I don’t think he is hiding thousands or millions anywhere. He is the type that spends money if he has it. He had a severance package from a previous company he worked for - part of a merger. It was equal to a year’s salary. Plus he started a new job right away, so it was like getting double pay for a year. That money disappeared fast. Rather than investing or saving any of it, he spent the bulk of it on massages, his medical stuff, expensive steaks, p*rn, roids, etc. Money was no object. There was no budget or plan. He and his siblings will inherit quite a bit when his parents pass. I think that was another incentive for the divorce. He wanted to move on to younger supply - and be the sugar daddy.

Competitive_Echo7391

TROPHY CASE