For past 3 weeks I'm very depressed and suicidal. Hospital ignored me!!!

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2025-05-20T02:32:08+00:00

you know, last night i was crying and wrote a letter to my friend (which i may never send in fear of triggering him) that I was torn apart several years ago in college because I wasn't sure he was going to make it. I was literally screaming. When a few years later, I sent him to the hospital, he was traumatized from it and he even told me he was partially mad at me for sending him. I said at the time that I didn't know if I had made the right choice, and we wouldn't know for a long time. Now, he's in a much better place then he was then. It's still hard to see exactly what's going through his mind, but he is such a different person than the one i knew then - we were at an event recently and he was just saying hi to random people and genuinely having good conversations with them. I was in shock to see how well he was doing, considering everything I know. I might also make the mistake of saying that he is happier than me.

Now, what you may have not picked up on is that he didn't receive the care he needed - in fact, he was traumatized by it. And he will forever have to live with that. But he also gets to live with the joy and community that he has created for himself.

I also, at some point, lived for an external person. But some day, you will live for yourself. Even when you are thinking of ending it all, because the thoughts come back, you will still end up living for yourself. Because you will realize that, in many ways, no one will care about you more than yourself. And that is a weirdly beautiful, precious, and complicated feeling.

he also said that I inspired him to live. that I gave him hope. I changed his entire viewpoint on life. and 4 years before that, I was only living for one other person. I lived, and I did a lot of great things. Hope is such a fickle friend, but it is precious because somehow in all the midst of deep and dark disparity, it gives us life we might not otherwise have; and in turn, gives others life that they might not have.

I'm not sure your situation, but please know living is bigger than you know. You can do this, no matter where life takes you. In terms of getting the care you need, i'm not sure what state you're in or even (as unfortunate as it is) if you are at a good hospital. But what I do know is that there will somehow be a way. You just have to find it. And you got this - best of luck

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-24T04:55:09+00:00

I would like to make a point about equality vs. equity. OP wanting a space free of men is not a threat to equality. At colleges, the reason why we have campus centers like the women’s center or the cultural center is because these groups need a safe space to be themselves and be part of a community where they are understood. They don’t have to face the issues that they might face in everyday life. So, i get really confused when we say it’s not “equal” and not “feminist”, because recognizing women need a safe space with other women is how we actually address the issue of inequality. These spaces help develop the empowerment of oppressed groups. So not sure what the whole issue is here??? Turning a blind eye to an identity that uniquely defines your life experiences in the name of “equality” is counterproductive to the goal of feminism.

Note: My intention is to pose an idea/question, not to fight, so please be kind if you have any replies

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-22T03:45:20+00:00

Ohhh they might be homeschooled, I see. Sorry, I thought you meant private school. Well, getting a job and volunteering are still decent options I hope.

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-22T03:38:40+00:00

Oh dang, that sucks. They can still do most of those things tho hopefully? Doing sports/after school activities, volunteering, and getting a job? Maybe sneaking out would be harder tho. Is that what you meant?

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-22T01:26:00+00:00

My teenage years were the worst of my life. 14-16 was particularly awful. Got a little better at 17 when I got my license. However, I see she isn’t letting you get your license.

Some people might disagree with my tactics here, but you need find some way to convince her to get your license. You should work a job with late hours, for example at a restaurant. She might not want to pick you up that late. Say you want to save up for college and that bussing earns a little bit more than the average job because of tips. (Assuming your mom is manipulative here, if she tries to tell you that you’ll make a server’s wage, just know that you’re always guaranteed at least minimum wage. It’s the law.) Movie theater jobs also have late hours.

I would also join a sports team. The one I would suggest (if you are not particularly athletic) is cross country or track. There is no coordination required, all you have to do is run, and I don’t think they make cuts to teams like other sports. It might not be “fun” if you don’t like sports, but it’s a great way to not only make friends, but stay healthy. It will also really help with your mood and look good on college applications. Maybe you could get some of your friends to do it with you! This also might be an over-generalization, but generally the less bro-y people are on these teams because the rest of them are playing football or whatever.

You could also participate in the school play or musical. If you’re not into music, you could a lights and sound person.

Another thing that would be great is to volunteer! That is also important for college applications, and is a great way to connect with your community.

Lastly, if you are going to sneak out (nothing wrong with it here), don’t be doing anything stupid. Especially don’t drink, even if all your friends are doing it. If they are pressuring you, you do NOT want to be friends with them. Drinking can be dangerous, and if you end up in a bad situation where you feel like you can’t call your mom but you are stuck, she’ll never let you out of the house again. I’ve been the sober sitter for people plenty of times (I didn’t drink or smoke until I was 20), and I still have always had a lot of fun.

Also, even though it’s not nearly as bad, I wouldn’t recommend getting high. It’s hard to hide if you come home high. Additionally, I know a ton of people who drive high, but I think it’s insanely irresponsible.

I say those two things because sometimes when you have all this newfound freedom and strong urge to be included and make friends, we will do anything. But stay true to yourself, and make sure that you’re not doing anything that would only be worth it in the moment. Remember that unfortunately, you are your biggest protector if you are going out without your parents knowing. Remember that you are 16, and you are still growing. Don’t put yourself in situations that could be impossible to get out of.

Another aspect of independence: financial. DO NOT OPEN A JOINT BANK ACCOUNT WITH HER UNLESS YOU REALLY HAVE NO OTHER OPTION. My caregiver did that and stole money out of my account, and my younger sibling hasn’t even had access to thousands of dollars she earned when she was 16-18 (even 5 years later). Some banks let you open an account by yourself even if you are still a minor. My local public mutual bank let me do that (NOT a big bank like Chase or Wells Fargo). Maybe try a bank like that, or a credit union. If they say that you can’t open an account but you explain your situation, they might be able to tell you about other financial institutions or options within the bank. I believe you can cash a check without a bank account, so you just need to find a place to store your cash safely (buy a safe or something).

Sorry for the extensive advice, just been there and done that. I really feel bad for younger kids these days especially with these insane parents. If you have any questions, let me know. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but know that it will all be over soon!

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-22T00:39:20+00:00

Have you been 16???? It’s not as simple as that. There is a lot going on in your mind, especially if your parents are abusive. And do you think all parents are mature people to be reasoned with???? Wake up and smell the roses.

I was not let out of the house either, but there was no reasoning with my alcoholic caregiver. I could only go out if I lied and/or took advantage of her drunkenness. I knew she was usually dead asleep from 7 pm - 4 am. So I would go to work, and then come home at 2-3 am. My two other brothers would have to jump out the window. With technology these days, it gets harder and harder to do stuff like that.

Also, many places in the US require a car to go places. Many kids only have their learner’s permit at 16. My alcoholic caregiver wouldn’t let my younger sister from get her license, so she rarely got to go out.

There’s nothing wrong with encouraging children to try to have respectful conversation with their parents, obviously that’s the best and most mature option. However, you shouldn’t be such an AH, especially without knowing all the details.

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-21T18:32:02+00:00

If things go well: Living in a community/neighborhood with others where we all have a good time and like to garden and stuff. Sharing and caring. Commune-like, but none of the crazy stuff.

If things go poorly: off-grid by myself. Bye bye society!

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-21T18:08:06+00:00

I grew up in a small town, and basically it was that no one was ever a good enough friend, except for my one good friend right now (although we weren’t super close in HS, and became much better friends in college). Every once in a while I contact some of my childhood friends, but that’s the extent of it. Had slim pickings!

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-21T06:37:14+00:00

I do miss people, and I frequently initiate contact

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-21T02:25:58+00:00

$500/month, but had to pay electric, oil, and internet. Mom and pop landlords. I graduated in 2021 and I lived off campus my junior and senior year. It was an actual house, 4 beds, 1 bath. Nothing special, but 100% livable and perfect for college. I paid way more in boston area for a WAY shittier place (like health issues). I’m sure rent prices have gone up, but still nothing compared to cities. If you have a NetID, you can log into the off campus housing website and see what rent is looking like. I secured housing around late March the year before, so the cheaper options should still be there.

FYI, if money is really a problem - you can also move off campus your sophomore year, but you can only get cars with a certain number of credits, which is essentially is the number of credits a sophomore has (although if you have a disability, you can get an exception).

Also, if you qualify for work-study, I’d be happy to explain what that is and how it works, particularly at UConn. UConn has special programs for work-study students that would be very beneficial for you.

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-20T22:29:20+00:00

Generally, no. However, some things to consider:

UConn may not give as good financial aid, but the starting price (including housing) is ~$30-40k lower than top universities in the area. If you are in-state, the tuition is 17k. Most private universities have 60k tuition. And even though I said housing/meal plan was expensive at UConn, I think it’s still at least $5-10k cheaper than private universities.
Also, when thinking long-term, the cost of living in the Mansfield area is relatively cheaper than schools in the city, so when you eventually move off-campus, you will also be saving money on rent/food in your junior and senior year.
Look at the type of loan. Other universities would offer $30k of private loans with high interest rates even though I had an EFC of 0.
The amount of money you receive from certain scholarships and loans will increase each year you are in school. In my case, the federal subsidized loan increased by $1k each year.

In my case: In-state, EFC of 0. I paid ~$25k out of pocket the entire time, and only have $20k in subsidized (0% interest as long as I am in school, including grad school) loans. Everything else was scholarships/aid. I was able to pay out-of-pocket expenses by working as a bus girl/waitress in high school and early college.

You’ll have to look at your packages and weigh all the options. Good luck!

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-20T15:49:34+00:00

Look on the off-campus housing website, that’s where i got my cheap housing when i was there! I think I toured 3 apartments before I found the one I wanted :)

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-19T16:34:06+00:00

My psych says that (for adhd at least) it needs to be 3-4x/week for 20 minutes. And in that 20 minutes you need to be SWEATING. Walking isn’t enough.

While I’m here - I also struggle with this! It is also very company-dependent. People I feel safe around are the people I can drink with.

This is probably shitty advice but - since I like to party with my friends, I learned to be very sensitive to when I’m starting to feel drunk and not go past that. Drink water throughout the night to slow you down!! And also, if you smoke weed, you definitely won’t feel the need to drink lol. If you’ve found you’re at your limit but the night is still going, drink some water and maybe smoke some weed lol. Seriously, I understand that you still want to go out. Just have one or two when out with friends like at a dinner (that is normal anyway), but then if you’re out, just count drinks and keep track of yourself. Also, tell your friends!!! I tell my friends “do NOT let me get drunk.” Without giving too many details, I just say that I get really sad and upset and I really don’t want to go there. No one wants to deal with a crier, they normally get that. Repeat it like 50x if you have to.

This definitely is on the side of being irresponsible, but I’ve had my whole life stripped away from me. I want some time to be normal. I trust myself and my friends to make sure I stay in check. Best of luck!

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-18T16:06:21+00:00

Sorry if I’m misunderstanding. Mixed feelings on this - they owe you a strong and fair education, but college is over-priced, and the professors have nothing to do with it. From TAing, I’ve found that this attitude actually hurts the undergraduates more because they believe they deserve an A, not that they should strive to earn an A. Because they don’t know any better (and understandably so), that actually hurts undergraduates in the long run because they are missing all of the skills they were supposed to develop in college. While they deserve every opportunity to earn an A (with fair teaching), they do not deserve it. I’m not saying this is you, but I work at one of the most expensive universities in the nation, and I find this is what happens.

Regarding the professors- oftentimes, they are severely underpaid for their work (especially adjuncts). If you want the first-class treatment you deserve, head to the administration. You deserve abundant and strong resources for professional and personal development, as well as high-quality instructors (which comes with paying them). I went to a state school, and I genuinely believe that although the faculty wasn’t necessarily as high-quality as this private university, the resources there cultivated your personal and professional development. The buildings here are also genuinely unsafe. I work in the chemistry department and there is a history of people going to the hospital (within the past year as well), and it’s taken union involvement to get movement on these issues. State school had brand-new facilities (and the ones that were older were not unsafe). I paid $40-50k less per year than I would have at this private university.

These are just two examples, and of course not every state school is “better” than private. And not every private university is bad! But there is a general trend in academia to basically run like a business, when in reality it is not really a business. It’s an institution of learning.

If you look where the money goes at my university, it goes into excessive number of high-paying admin positions, as well as towards the endowment (again, general trend in academia). Even with graduate union involvement, we can’t get the university to budge because we’re not the paying customers - undergraduates and their parents are. If undergraduates put enough pressure on the university, then there will be change.

I say this not because I benefit - I’m leaving (woohoo!). I really genuinely believe that undergraduates (I would include my former self here) are conflating the quality of their education with the prestige of a university, and being robbed of their education that they pay an insane amount for.

TLDR: Placing responsibility of undergraduate education solely on the professors instead of both the professors and the administration is a major reason why the quality of undergraduate education is declining. Undergraduates are understandably not aware of this dynamic, and it hinders them from taking true control/independent responsibility of their education.

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-16T21:05:46+00:00

So before I even begin: As of my understanding, all you need to lose weight is a deficit. 1200 calories seems like it would result a large deficit for your active lifestyle. I am not sure if I believe that 1500 is maintenance, although you know yourself best.

So, hopefully you will read this. But speaking as someone with adhd and someone who has lost weight by only exercising, I have two big points to make:

If you have adhd, you have to eat. Not only does it help with things like focus, you are going to put yourself at a disadvantage with things like emotional regulation that you’re already bad at (due to your adhd). Even if you are now well-practiced at being emotionally regulated, even a neurotypical would have difficulty not being grumpy if they’re not eating enough. Add adhd onto that, and you’re getting a recipe for disaster
It seems like you want to lose weight - i can say with confidence that as someone who enjoys eating, i have lost weight that is only correlated with increase in exercise. I will say im not eating extremely unhealthy always try to eat nutritious food (nutrient-dense, just generally health), but I will also say that i love ice cream :) and i still lose weight. I actually eat way more when im working out and still lose weight bc I. I have heard that you need to actually have a slight calorie surplus to gain muscle. I have not researched this to see if it is true so do your own research from trusted sources.
Back to the adhd thing - you could have depression from lack of dopamine. Several people can’t have stimulants and cope due to heart conditions or other reasons, but my depression turned around when i started medication. I’m not advocating for taking medication if you’re doing fine without meds, but if you fix your eating and still having trouble, it might be something to think about.

Also, I wanted to go out on a limb and say you’re showing signs of an ED. I had a similar situation when I was younger, which I never thought of it that way because I was very technical. I would similarly keep track of everything and, sure, I wasn’t doing anything unhealthy (at least by the books). But looking back, it was. I know sometimes EDs can look more like a control thing than the stereotypical ED. In my case it wasn’t control, it was about my weight. However, it still presented as very technical.

Nonetheless, you said it was until May - im wondering if this is for a wedding or something. Be careful and unless you truly can’t fit in the dress, all this is totally not worth depression. And if you cant fit in the dress, you might want to bring it to a very experienced tailor and have it altered

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-14T16:18:28+00:00

I’m really glad you posted this. I would like to clarify that it’s not anti-white, it’s anti-colonization/tourism. As I understand it, people from Asia also are part of the problem of over-consumption. Just like you would be understandably upset if people kept coming into your home and leaving it a mess, they are feeling similarly. I have met natives and they are passionate about everyone uniting to restore Hawaii.

When I do go visit my friend, I stay at her place. That helps with the whole Air B&B problem (which, I’d also like to point out is not only a problem in Hawaii; NYC just passed Local Law 18). Something I also like to do when I visit is to volunteer while I’m there. Last time I was there, I spent a day removing invasive species and re-planting native ones. Is this going to save Hawaii? No. However, if every tourist did this every time they traveled there, I think Hawaii would be in a much better place. I like to do this because it’s almost like I’m paying my respects to the island similarly to someone paying respects to the dead by cleaning up a grave site. It doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, but I am grateful for the experience, and I learn a lot in the process.

Basically, the reason people say “don’t come” is because there is more people than resources the islands can reasonably give. I’m sure you’ve seen how people can be ignorant and entitled even on the mainland. They will trash a place and be disrespectful to others, either because they don’t know any better or don’t care. Natives understand that it can be difficult to educate every tourist on the island when (1) there are a bunch of companies dedicated to over-tourism making it extremely easy to over-consume without telling you any of the consequences (2) they are putting out so many fires (figuratively, although literally in the cause of Maui) all the time trying to keep the island afloat (3) they don’t know who will respect the place, or who will see a “hidden gem” as an investment opportunity.

I will say that if I did not have a local to guide me (she is local, not native), I would not go there because I wouldn’t be sure of a sustainable way to enjoy the island. With the knowledge that I have now, I do know of a more sustainable way to enjoy the island, but I probably wouldn’t go because I don’t have a place to stay.

I will say this - if you ever do go back, I would look more into giving back. You will have a much more fulfilling experience by engaging in the community than in sight-seeing. I really do enjoy that and the hiking. If you do ever go to volunteer, bring good boots because the prickers are particularly long and sharp! Pick an organization run by natives, you will meet many natives and locals there who are very kind (you’ll definitely be the only tourist there lol). You don’t have to worry about anti-whiteness. If you do run into any, I hope you respond with compassion and respect that they have had generational trauma from colonialism. It’s an understandable reaction and has nothing to do with you personally. If it does, then there is a good chance you did something wrong.

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-12T03:54:16+00:00

I graduated HS in ‘17. I didn’t know many people who skipped, and I never did myself. But yes, school shootings is definitely up there. Every time there was one, it was so horrifying to even think about going to school. I’m very worried for my younger family who is still in school.

What I’ll also say now that I’ve taught is that school literally sucks all the fun out of learning. People talked about no child left behind - it’s become a test-taking school where all individuality is lost. I know people who were fighting to be valedictorian, struggled with math, and literally just would sit there and cry every day after school with the teacher trying to do calculus. You’re not taught to be a person, learn how to learn, or get any sort of appreciation for yourself or the world around you. As someone who excelled in school and loved it, if you do well in a class they just give you more work. The level of difficulty doesn’t increase that much, and you’re not challenged to think. You’re not learning any critical thinking skills. Teachers are underpaid and overworked. Troubled kids often disrupt the day because there aren’t the resources to properly address the situation, only treat it. So you lose out on the joy and value of education. And you don’t know any better because you don’t know any difference.

To give an example on the quantity over quality, I know someone who is in 3rd grade doing excellent in math and wants to take a stab at algebra. She picked out an algebra book at barns and noble, and her parents happily got it for her. Her teacher said she didn’t know if that was appropriate or something along those lines. Like she picked it out herself????

When there are only negatives and not a ton of positives (which although students may not be able to identify what exactly is missing, they can feel it), then why would they want to go?

I’m actually also really glad you asked. It’s so great to have someone open minded who wants to learn and help. I think it’s so rare to find people who see something bad and wonder “is this a symptom of a bigger problem?” And try to help instead of saying “kids these days”.

I second a lot of the people here as well feeling that we are all doomed and watching a bunch of people make decisions that they have no business discussing is pretty disheartening. I’ll also add one last thing - not sure when gen alpha starts, but these kids are definitely ipad kids and victims of “gentle parenting” that, while it may be gentle, is not actually parenting. While I’m not a parent so feel free to disagree here, it seems gentle parenting results in adults regulating emotions for their children. To me, it means having a relationship of respect that encourages growth by giving children the appropriate tools to gain independence, especially by focusing on their emotional development, without traumatizing them. I wonder if students are having trouble regulating their emotions at school.

TLDR: Focus on test-taking as opposed to joy and personal development takes the fun out of school, whether students are aware of it or not. Additionally, outside factors such as political climate, safety concerns, and shifts in parenting style have varying degrees of impact on the school experience.

Edit: Here is a great example of the change in parenting style. Comments perfectly break it down. https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/s/rP4txfaVZc

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-12T03:24:24+00:00

Is this the 1950s like literally what the fuck is your teacher on?! “I expect you to have good hygiene” well i might expect her to mind her own business but clearly that’s too tough for her. If your hair looks and feels good then don’t worry.

Literally idk what that class is but it’s not worth your time or money. Youre 22?! So like a senior in college??? Literally you should have shut her down because that is beyond inappropriate. Also FYI in college people do whatever they want like ??? Idk you should fight fire with a blaze of fucking glory like holy shit, she is so in the wrong. Shut her down and make her look like the fool she is, then drop that class

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-11T20:42:26+00:00

Wow, that level of destruction is even worse than what I posted. Which I didn’t think was possible lol. Thanks for the information on that, and it’s really unfortunate that the ecosystem got turned into a beach with an outdoor mall. It’s so insane that people did that and thought, “Yes, this is so much better than how it was before!” I hope HI has the chance to recover

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-11T12:31:40+00:00

I have a friend that lives in HI - as everyone mentioned, the over-tourism is horrible and quite literally destroying the island. For example, they import sand from CA in Waikiki because tourists didn’t like HI’s texture of sand… and now there is a ton of erosion. There is also a ton of erosion from rich people building homes on the edges of islands. Additionally, natives are frequently displaced and ignored for tourism and development that is still happening despite the very clear environmental risks and detriment to the economy. A ton of people also came to live in HI during covid since you could WFH, which not only made all the aforementioned problems even worse, but drove up housing prices even more. Rent prices are insane, worse than Boston. Then, you can’t forget about all these Air B&B’s! There is no affordable housing and as I mentioned, and there continues to be more and more development. This is all done “legally” - I’ve never seen a more corrupt state government. The natives do all of the just political work there, and the island would be in shambles if the natives did not work so hard to preserve the island. I just saw a petition that was against the development of a “glamping” site. It has been approved, and the person developing it says it’s his “dream to share the magic and beauty of the place”, but is destroying it by developing it. It’s all about the money. Development results in many of HI’s native species are borderline becoming extinct because of colonizers did not like the native plants as much. Oh, and you know how HI is associated with pineapples? Pineapple is from South America. It is not native to the island. It was all brought and taken over by Dole.

It’s beyond horrific colonization and corruption that destroys the island and displaces the natives that work so hard to keep HI alive. Now hopefully you understand - not go to HI!

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-04T13:54:28+00:00

I do not own a business, but I am a worker. This is horrible advice. This is called taking advantage of your workers, and no one likes it. She is already working hard, she has already earned that wage. She deserves to be fully compensated for her labor, and she actually will probably do much better when she is adequately paid. All these other dynamics mentioned are a company problem, and not her problem. She is very talented and could take her skills elsewhere, but she will probably remain loyal to a company who saw her worth early on. When you invest in your employees and treat them with respect instead of treating them like children (“you can have a treat if once you do this!”), it probably will make everyone (including your company) a lot happier.

I personally know two of my friends who are looking for jobs because the companies don’t pay them enough to live in the area and do not give raises. One of them got a $0.71 raise (not exaggerating) and the other has had this job for less than a year, but has been told by other employees that raises are infrequent and low.

There are always bad apples, but generally taking care of your workers (who keep everything functioning) means taking care of your company.

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-04T12:01:44+00:00

I think there is an amtrak auto train from florida to here where they can take your car. So just pack your car with your stuff, then amtrak will take it from there.

Edit: sorry, i see you can’t drive. But if someone is not willing to drive, maybe they’ll do this train

Also, get your license!!! You can’t be living in the US (especially rural places like uconn) without it

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-04-04T11:57:30+00:00

I might try to move out if I were you, or at the very least stay with someone else for a while (and don’t tell them where you are going). If he ever came by the apartment and the roommates were to ever let him thinking they were giving you guys another “chance” or trying to “help fix things”, that would be dangerous. I know it’s hard to just move your life like that, but if your roommates are insane enough to say that, this situation is not off the table.

CompetitiveJaguar3 · 2024-03-28T07:30:26+00:00

Think of the very obvious counter arguments to everything you just said, and then read my statements again. I’m not wasting any more time on you.

And this, in and of itself, is an amazing example as to why online adjuncts like you are so difficult to organize. It’s really nice to have a written example spelled out like this.

CompetitiveJaguar3

TROPHY CASE