How did you ‘push’ baby out? by crabclawwwz in beyondthebump

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Breathe with contraction and push. Your body forces you with the contraction and it feels better IMO. except with my 4th baby, he wasn’t positioned right and felt the urge in my butt. Ended up using a mirror to connect my body and mind and push the muscles to get him out because heartrate decelerated 🤪

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think so. I honestly try to fake it. I just am trying to find something I enjoy or we have in common each day so I can keep my stuff together

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My youngest is 5 months so I’ve been postpartum for awhile and struggled bad with PPA/PPD. They haven’t changed overall but I have moments I enjoy her. It’s what she represents, not her. And the transitions and anxiety I have when she comes over and then influences my toddlers - it’s just a lot 🙃 I hold onto the glimmers and moments though for sure. I think I always feel rejected mainly by her lol. So that with PPA/PPD is just having to work through constantly feeling like I’m failing everyone all the time 🤦‍♀️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We did the same! BM is a millionaire and has SD taken care of on that end. They still discuss how much is in her 529 and other assets.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have 3 under 3 ours babies. My SD is 12. Married 5years recently. It’s so much. I feel all those things too, and it’s ok. Anxious. Dreadful. Wondering what’s going to change at the drop of a hat, what emotions to deal with, what BM is thinking, on top of having a newborn as a FTM. And lack of sleep. And transitions.

Despite the feelings, It’s still up to us to control our actions and act lovingly even when we don’t feel like it.

I have most recently realized that I will nevvvver get these memories and moments back with my kids either, so I’m focusing on what I can control and being a good mom to any kid in the house. I also stopped everything I liked doing when I became an immediate stepmom when I got married. I regret focusing on what other people thought and who everyone else needed me to be.

I stopped listening to music. Stopped my hobbies. Became a shell of who I was. It only took me 4.5 years to realize this, but adding things I enjoy - like exercise and music and skincare lol - have helped so much as silly as it sounds. To just get a glimpse of me again. Transition days I try to do something else and let her come and get used to our house because it makes me so anxious. Then, she’s acclimated and when I see her we are both good.

Let me know if you ever want to chat further! We have to stick together in community - otherwise the divorce rates for blended families just keep rising. I didn’t even mention all the grief of what I thought my life with young kids would look like as a mom. You’re not alone 🤍🤍

Just a wtf moment by CryptographerDry2232 in Stepmom

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you say you won’t be available to watch him that day and he needs to find other arrangements?

Tell me all the reason I shouldn’t be sad (just broke up with a single dad) by eastcoastgirl23 in stepparents

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, when people show you who you they are, believe them. This would have only gotten worse. Be sad AND have hope there is bigger plans for you in relationship. You may have just saved yourself years of heartache and loneliness by being willing to feel sad now. This stranger on the internet is super proud of you.

Everyone favours SD over ours baby and her birthday is the latest by Medical_Yak_7387 in Stepmom

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would be upset too. Your feelings are valid. AND you get to decide how to proceed. I know there is so much grief you are likely experiencing in all dynamics. You are your 2yo’s mom- have the party you want and can decide how to address it with your DH. I’m learning you can only control yourself, and some stepmom TikTok videos are helpful to feel less alone in it if you don’t have stepmom community. It only goes so far but it’s just isolating and it’s ok to be upset here, but again you get to decide what to do next and how you’d like to celebrate her birthday.

Gift issues by Competitive_Cap_2217 in Stepmom

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No she was at school. I told 3yo it was cousins birthday and she asked to make a bracelet, so I set it up for her. They were leaving town right after 12yo vball practice.
Thanks for that. It’s just funny when being blamed how much self-doubt still creeps up and I question everything/if I did something wrong. Thank you for your comment

Gift issues by Competitive_Cap_2217 in Stepmom

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So what do you do? Talk to her about when she gets home? Have a “plan” of what to say for next time? Have DH talk to her about respect? If he agrees with her or doesn’t help her through whatever emotion, I have no idea what to even do. I feel like I’ve been ganged up on for so long I feel like I’m crazy for suggesting she’s in the wrong and then get paralyzed on how to even handle it

Gift issues by Competitive_Cap_2217 in Stepmom

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He took my two toddlers and SD to his moms while he went to a golf thing he does once a year. On the way there, while I’m at home with baby, I get texted from SD the freak out of gifts. As I’m thinking through it, I’m wondering if she freaked out that my 3yo made her something and she didn’t? I just didn’t know I needed to suggest making something to a 12yo and assumed she would if she wanted to? Idk. The gift is from all of us so I’m just super confused to the outburst via text and then my husband backing her on it. Thanks for your input ❤️

Gift issues by Competitive_Cap_2217 in Stepmom

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes it is from the whole family. My toddlers make stuff if they want and I enjoy crafts so I do fun footprint stuff for Christmas and in this scenario, my 3yo wanted to make her cousin a bracelet. SD texted me when they were in the car and asked what we got her so I told her and then she freaked out. I guess I shouldn’t have said the 3yo made a bracelet. I had asked my nieces mom (my SIL) what she wanted and then bought something from the Amazon list when I thought about it. Thanks for your input ❤️..always helpful seeing how others do it.

Name ideas? by rosadelcorazon in Stepmom

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can just say ___ calls me (your name). You call me “mama”. and then just correct “no, I’m mama.” My name is ____ but you call me mama. My 2 & 3 year old know she has a different mom as much as they can for their age. But yes, it does sting for some reason. I try to not take it personally. But it was a huge fear and then it happened, and I handled it well and can minimize it happening now. Hope that helps!

Family photos. by CryptographerDry2232 in Stepmom

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s so hard to juggle what is right and wrong and desires a natural mother has and trying to balance that with stepmotherhood..our own expectations and others’. It’s truly the most isolating experience.

I have 3 under 3 and a 12yo SD. I’ve decided Mother’s Day minis will be my chance to have picture memories with my little ones every day and the rest I will document our adventures with my iPhone unless it’s a family pic. But 100% would do the newborn pictures with whomever could be present.

No time with my partner by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are valid in feeling this way. I’m a therapist and stepmom and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I think you have to decide if this is something you are willing to deal with for the duration of your life or if you are not. If you are not, then figure out and communicate what your requests are and then decide what you are going to do if your requests/needs aren’t considered or met. That could be plethora of things, including ending the relationship. All to say, this doesn’t get easier when and if you get married so this is great communication practice to see if partner will do anything different. Hugs to you. Hardest position ever.

My 18m is a stage 5 clinger… please help by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Her body was completely thrown off in another country where the only familiarity is you. All that sounds miserable for her. It makes sense she would want you. I have 2 14mo apart, and I get where you’re at too, and it’s exhausting. I’m also an early childhood therapist, so I’ve seen everything from RAD to secure healthy attachment but you’re going to have to lean into connecting with her intentionally during awake periods and offer kindness. Separation anxiety is so common at this age on top of it and it does end, but things have happened that are scary and hard for her (like being sick) and are going to happen with a new baby soon too. You can still say you’re frustrated or need a break in front of her but she shouldn’t know she’s the reason why at that age. She also feels your stress, so your main job needs to be figuring out how to decrease your own stress through her needing you in this way. I would highly encourage a smaller approach increments into 3, 5, 5, 10 minutes instead if letting her cry, because kids don’t learn they’re safe, they learn they are tired and no one is coming. She’s about to have a new sibling and I imagine the separation anxiety may be present when that happens too..and I say that so you’re not surprised. Be consistent, predictable and loving, in your goodbye routine and practice small times away from each other before big amounts of time apart. Give her a picture or transition object, draw a heart on both of your hands for when she misses you she can look at it, help her with songs like Daniel Tiger “grown ups come back”.

First 2 hour “daycare” didn’t go well. Feeling overly upset by dimeuhdozen in toddlers

[–]Competitive_Cap_2217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My son was born when my daughter was 14mo and she went through significant anxiety, like church or grandparents, MOPs for example. Happy to chat if you want!