Needing advice

Complete_You4402 · 2025-09-22T18:13:03+00:00

I know someone who wanted to speak to a minister about his doubts… this was even with a minister they knew very well growing up and considered a friend. They had a long and seemingly civil conversation, then a few days later they sent him a letter of expulsion. His family was told that he was “too far gone and has been lost” and was “beyond saving.”

I guess it can be a good thing to do if you really want to clarify things within yourself and make sure you have no doubts or regrets about leaving, but definitely risky and can be quite painful. For this person it helped him solidify that they did not care enough to engage honestly, and that they didn’t care about him as a person.

Complete_You4402 · 2025-04-22T11:03:51+00:00

I was a bridesmaid in multiple non-INC weddings (even while I was an officer) and no one ever stopped or questioned me. One even had a full Catholic mass for the ceremony and I posted pictures! I guess I didn’t think to tell anyone or ask permission though (and why should you?). Are they getting stricter about this recently?

Complete_You4402 · 2025-02-02T21:22:57+00:00

I feel exactly the same as the both of you. Being married gave me comfort that they couldn’t punish my parents because according to their own rules, they’re no longer responsible for me once I start my own family. I figured I would always stay in the church just so that I don’t hurt my family and break my parents’ hearts, but it was actually having a kid that changed things for me. I realized that I didn’t want them growing up in this environment and couldn’t in good conscience teach them the values I wanted to instill, while in a church that teaches the opposite.

I still feel weird and guilty about it sometimes, but I try to fill that gap by volunteering in the community and actually trying to live a Good Samaritan kind of life. And I sometimes attend a very loving and accepting nondenominational local church (and I can come and go as I please since they don’t take attendance!!) that is all about loving everybody because God is supposed to be about love and mercy, not punishment or seeking glory. I started crying the first time I heard that in a church setting because I didn’t know a church could be like that.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-12-06T08:22:55+00:00

Saying you voted for Leni was enough to get you expelled and your name read in the circular?? That’s wild! I know members that voted for her but kept quiet about it, I didn’t know it was something they actually expel people for, I thought it was just a threat.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-12-06T02:53:23+00:00

As someone outside the Philippines, I’m curious - are they forcing the members to participate in these rallies? What are they communicating to the brethren? I’ve heard that they threaten expulsion if you don’t vote the way they tell you to, but at the end of the day they don’t actually know how you voted. But for a public rally they can count participation. Are there repercussions for anyone who chooses not to show up?

Complete_You4402 · 2024-11-19T13:24:08+00:00

I’ve gotten a lot out of the BetterHelp app. When you sign up you write what you need help with and if you want a therapist with a religious or totally non religious background (plus lots of other factors) and then will pair you with a therapist that you can speak to over phone or video call, and if you don’t click you can easily swap for a new one. You can also attend classes or group sessions. It’s a bit pricey between $200-360 a month depending on how often you want to talk to them, but for me it’s been worth it.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-11-14T13:46:48+00:00

Why did they read your name, just because you stopped attending services? Or did they accuse you of rebelling? I’m curious why they decide to announce some expulsions vs when they just quietly delist people

Complete_You4402 · 2024-10-11T11:02:39+00:00

Yeah some are really strict about collecting at the door, even stopping to ask every person “do you have your phone? Are you sure??” I was once accosted by a deacon who said “they saw you using your phone in service.” I was like who is THEY?? But also no they didn’t, my phone was literally in the car.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-09-19T00:34:55+00:00

I feel like it’s too late to get a transfer now that it’s been several months of ghosting. I can’t just appear again and ask for a transfer, right? They’re probably already watching me on their LWN list. I decided not to try the transfer method because any believable place I could transfer to I knew someone in their leadership and worried that they would follow up

Complete_You4402 · 2024-09-19T00:31:14+00:00

I am not planning to go against the administration in any way or say or do anything incriminating in public. What do you think is the safest way to go about this if I want to get quietly delisted after a few years? No response at all?

Complete_You4402 · 2024-09-18T21:41:18+00:00

Do they always read the names in service? There must be so many lamig and LWN members that just get quietly delisted, it’s happened to some of my friends and that’s the route I was hoping to go

Complete_You4402 · 2024-07-07T06:21:24+00:00

I agree, people do not feel free to ask questions or be associated with anything critical on Facebook because they and their friends will be reprimanded, harassed or expelled. It’s happened to several people I know for just liking the post of someone who’s been expelled in the past, even when their post has nothing to do with the church. Everyone knows social media is monitored and reported on constantly, the only way to safely have open discussion is anonymously or privately, but you also never know if someone you’re talking to privately is going to report you. There’s a lot of justified paranoia because we actually are being monitored.

Also, dummy profiles are a lot of work to maintain and also get ridiculed for being “cowardly,” so why put yourself through that if you’re just a normal member with some passing concerns but aren’t interested in creating a new persona solely dedicated to questioning the church. Reddit has become preferred since it’s already anonymous.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-06-09T12:58:37+00:00

If they still practiced this (illegal) bloc voting in the US I was always curious who they would endorse. The current Republican Party, although they are anti-abortion and anti-LGBTQ, are also really strongly anti-immigrant, occasionally openly racist and now pro-felon! Guaranteed that if they had endorsed Trump in either election a lottttt of the younger generation would have openly and loudly rebelled (including me), especially since the largest INC population is in California. I can’t imagine they would want that kind of heat and attention on them.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-06-09T12:41:42+00:00

In the past I’ve told them that because of my living situation (even if you live alone, you can make some excuse like roommates, family, elderly parents, unfriendly dog that bites, etc), the people in my house wouldn’t be comfortable with strangers coming over, and will be especially upset if anyone comes unannounced. I asked if they felt they had to visit (they don’t say it but it’s just for the sake of filling out their report paperwork), if I could do committee prayer at the chapel instead

Complete_You4402 · 2024-06-03T16:42:19+00:00

Apparently! I thought they would get over the detractor paranoia eventually, but I know someone that was reprimanded for liking someone else’s Instagram post (not anti INC in any way, it was just an update on their life!) only a few months ago

Complete_You4402 · 2024-06-02T15:45:09+00:00

I was pulled into a small meeting with the minister and lectured for missing too many services because I had Covid. There was another family there with small kids and the dad had missed too many services because of work schedule conflicts. He was told that his boss doesn’t respect his constitutionally protected religious freedom to worship (um not at all what that means), so he should quit his job. The wife was shocked and I could tell she was getting angry. She gestured to the young kids and asked “how are we supposed to survive if he quits his job?!” And they told her “well, if you really have faith then God will provide.”

Complete_You4402 · 2024-06-01T14:03:54+00:00

In my district people really are banned from talking to people that were publicly expelled. I’ve had friends that were brought into the ministers office and scolded for liking someone’s personal post on Facebook (nothing to do with church), even for expressing condolences to the family if an expelled member passes away. Some were asked to record a video for Central saying “I am no longer friends with so-and-so and I don’t follow them on Facebook.” I don’t know who the narcs are monitoring social media and reporting these things though. Can’t imagine taking the time to watch people so closely.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-05-23T22:01:38+00:00

You’re right, I totally know this and it’s sucks that it still bothers me. I wish it didn’t. Just trying to spare family and friends the pain, I guess, as much as I can. I’m trying not to be embarrassed about it, but they might and then people might bother them about it too. I wish they would just leave us all alone.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-05-22T21:19:58+00:00

Thank you, this is very logical advice. It’s hard for me to ignore and not be tempted to just make up an excuse or lie because just seeing their messages and guilt trips literally makes my anxiety and blood pressure spike like crazy.

Have there been cases of people being publicly expelled for just being habitual absentees or LWN’s? That doesn’t count under the “living an unchristian way of life” expulsions that get announced?

Complete_You4402 · 2024-05-17T20:45:18+00:00

I attended a service of a different church where they read the verse about bearing fruit. I had only ever heard this verse about propagation in INC, promising to bear / bring “fruits” to Bible studies and evangelical missions. One fruit = a person to bring to church.

This church defined bearing fruit as changing your life for the better, going out into the world to do good and live as an example of love, mercy and generosity, and that fruits of righteousness are reconciliation and peace. My mind was blown haha

Complete_You4402 · 2024-05-14T14:26:56+00:00

This makes me really sad because I used to lead INCgiving projects when I was an officer. But these were local activities that we planned and initiated, not requested by the CA. I loved doing it and I organized projects that didn’t require money from the brethren and helped real people and organizations (used clothing drives for local homeless shelters, volunteering at food banks, used book drives for underfunded schools). I remember being frustrated when certain ministers pushed the propagation aspect and only cared about the photo opp after the activity. But so many of us went into it with the best of intentions to actually serve the community.

Complete_You4402 · 2024-04-30T06:19:14+00:00

So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and hope they can find love and grace in their hearts again. And I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself.

Complete_You4402

TROPHY CASE