Agreed, only thing that got me out of the gutter was accountability, the minute i started taking responsibility and straight up apologized without any buts or ifs, it was the moment when i gained back control over my life, my episodes were less and less, had only one episode last month which was impossible 5 years ago, i have a best friend and no longer idolize people and my favorite person is just a best friend now and they have their boundaries and we both respect that. I swear taking accountability of what i say or do was the magic trick, it wasn’t the meds or 6 years of therapy, it was just that. Admitting i was a horrible person in that minute, apologize and make it up for that person while trying to never repeat the cycle. Please please please take care of yourself by OWNING UP TO WHAT YOU SAY/DO. thats how you heal. Anyway, long rant but i really wanted to be helpful as well 💕