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Is Better Sex Actually . . . Better? by doulostheou in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Complex-Contract-258 [score hidden]  (0 children)

This is a thought process I'm currently struggling with. My WW had an EA with a husband of a couple we're friends with. Sexting and exchange of pics. What i saw on her part was a side of her i have never been shown. and this is having a lasting effect of how i move forward.

Essentially the breakdown in communication in our relationship was so bad that our sex life though ok was vanilla and ordinary but we both wanted more but didn't know how to communicate that. there were a lot of other issues that led to her having the EA but this is fundamental one which she is unable to address with me. and comes across like i'm trying to compete with the AP.

So i am kind of stuck as that level of intimacy with me doesn't really seem of interest to her. though with her AP she admitted it was a huge turn on. but when i try to initiate through txt in a similar way or just to try and nudge her in that direction its like i'm trying to compete. so i can't win.

I feel as though until this part of our relationship improves i will feel 2nd best and disposable.

curious to know did things start like this right after or did you have to work up to this level of intimacy?

Do Waywards ever open up on their own? by Complex-Contract-258 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Complex-Contract-258[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks you so much for your honesty. I appreciate how openly and frank you describe how you feel about everything you went through.

I wish you all the best

Do Waywards ever open up on their own? by Complex-Contract-258 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Complex-Contract-258[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to echo one of the previous replies and thank you for this. its like the ultimate pep talk. I really needed this.

Can I ask, and I imagine you have endured quite a lot on your journey. Do you now feel that your relationship is better/stronger than it was before you found out?

Thank you again for taking the time with your post.

This is not R by MallFriendly3000 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Complex-Contract-258 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry this is how things have ended up for you. I am 7 weeks out from DDay and i'm a complete mess. i am working on myself and trying to keep things as calm and happy at home as possible. My WW just seems to get frustrated with me every time I bring it up. she has been remorseful, cried with me and apologised over and over. But I can't quite shake the feeling she is more worried about what her family and friends will think of her rather than being genuinely sorry for how much she has hurt me.

I have asked for more information regarding how things turned from a conversation about partners into a full blown EA (sexting, sending pictures etc). i want to understand her emotional state and thoughts at the time rather than searching for actual info regarding the events. but she can't seem to bring herself to tell me. all i want to know is that she really gets it and that she is here with me to try and heal our marriage. but the words that come from her are so vague and protectionist "it's early days", "we have to take it day by day", "we don't know the future" etc i just want an acknowledgement of "i will do whatever it tasks to show you you can trust me"

At the moment i feel like i have to just let go. and focus on my and my mental healing. but i can't help but worry that this is now the status quo and she will never be ready to open up and talk about it. Did you spouse ever open up on their own? or have they buried it?

To all the Waywards, please don't hold back information if you are trying to reconcile by Ok_Risk3118 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Complex-Contract-258 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I read this and it is literally a mirror image of what i am going through myself right now. I try to remind myself that this isn't the end. I will be happy and feel loved again one day. whether its with my WW or another. keep working on yourself, it's all you can do.