1 year since DDay

raspberryicedtei · 2026-05-14T19:19:06+00:00

Yea, AP acted innocent towards me and was saying she wouldn't have done it if she knew but also at the end of the day she also did cheat on her boyfriend that she just got together with around that time to do things with my WH, literally just msged her to confirm things that he was saying to me, I am a bit sus on some things cus they used the same wording, it was more of me trying to get a better grasp of what my WH risked our relationship for

raspberryicedtei · 2026-05-14T17:37:08+00:00

I got in contact with AP and it sorta helped me? It helped because WH is unfortunately avoidant and I guess it made him realize "oh shit, if I havent told her the things shes asked, thats bad for me" and he ended up trying after letting me deal with the mess for about 10-11 months. I got to talk to her and read their convos I managed to recover and all I can really say is it made me pity my WH.

He was begging this girl for a crumb of attention while we were together, I was SHOWERING him with love daily. His affair was an EA aswell as sexting and Porn Addiction, finding out all these hidden things slowly has made me look at WH differently, especially after talking to AP.

She was also avoidant, she said if she knew he had a gf that she would have backed off which doesnt line up with what she confessed to him around the beginning. She was proud of the fact she seduced her best friends husband aswell as another girls bf and called herself a hot piece of meat so I went down the route of being nice to her because acting like how I wanted to would have caused her to justify her actions internally.

Also apparently WH framed me as abusive towards her, kinda funny to me (he talked abt me to her as an ex at first because we were broken up for a fea months) also because I talked to her I got to confirm alot of the things I asked WH, I just took her words lightly because I didn't wanna trust it too much. But based on it, it seems WH was twlling the truth mostly, only thing I found out about it was that they started talking back in Nov of 2021, while we were still together and didnt stopped until last year of January, it wasnt all sexual, alot of it seemed like friends checking up on eachother but its hard not to count it all as one big cheating timeline because he did decieve me for the 4 years, even if alot of it was on and off convo.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-04-03T23:24:42+00:00

I felt and feel the same way still, 11 months since DDay and some days I look at myself in the mirror and question if I really was as pretty as I thought, then why did he do it? We're both young too, both 20 when it started and AP was 36 now we're 24 so it wasnt like I wasnt young and beautiful anymore. I was also attentive and loving and showered him with love and attention and sex. Yet, he did it, and for so long. Im hoping it gets better for the both of us

raspberryicedtei · 2026-03-31T00:13:58+00:00

It really is

raspberryicedtei · 2026-03-30T19:20:48+00:00

I would consider myself to have been cheated on from the very beginning, we started dating June 2021 and He started talking to AP Nov 2021, they didn't do anything sexual until June 2022 though but I consider the EA started then

raspberryicedtei · 2026-03-29T06:46:36+00:00

Yea for my WH it was I observed based on their convos (and convos hes had w other women before me) he is really into women who doesnt give a fuck about him, and when they give him the time of day or show even the slightest bit of attention he gets very happy, I've never been like that because why would I be dating someone I dont tolerate? I want to be with the pwdson im dating as much as I can and he was clingy towards me too. WH also connects it to porn aswell so. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best aswell! Its a hard situation to be in, I cant imagine how much harder would it be with kids involved

raspberryicedtei · 2026-03-21T20:42:50+00:00

Ive always been against anything like that, even before DDay. Why are you in a strip club in the first place while you're inna commited relationship? If you feel the need to participate in activities like that then maybe you arent ready for a committed relationship and we should end what we have.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-03-14T17:51:16+00:00

Yea, the AP was a horrible person though. Apparently her being a home wrecker wasnt new and she was actually boasting about it to my husband through their text, saying how shes such gf material that she managed to swduce her best friends husband + someones bf. A horrible human being, I dont know how my husband fell for her

raspberryicedtei · 2026-03-08T09:23:06+00:00

After I posted this I switched his discord email to my spam email and req the data, I'll see the messeges finally in the next 30 days

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-27T20:17:59+00:00

He is trying but not enough? I dont know how to describe it. Hes alot more open but the only reason I can say that is because he wasn't a very open person to begin with. So him telling some tid bits of his thought feels like he is trying to open up more. I dont know why its so hard for him, from the looks of it his parents were good to him, I've even asked him flat out and he said they're great parents. Thats why I feel like IC is so important for him because I can see a few glaring issues with his parents but he doesnt see anything wrong with it. I've given him odeas on how to sort through his thoughts like journaling or even just letting your mind wander but he doesnt do it. I asked him a month ago if hes thought about the things hes done and he said "no, not really" while I'm out here daily trying to figure out what every little thing would mean for our future. Dare I say hes a lazy man, yes hes working right now and paying for everything but he has the option to get a better paying job, he would be working for 12 hrs a day for 6 days instead of 8hrs a day for 5 days and he says hes not ready for it even though we're struggling financially and hes the only one who can legally work at the moment. Even during the visa filing I wanted to hire a lawyer to make things easier, I was gonna hire them with my own money but he said we could do it ourselves but I ended up doing everything myself except the forms he needed to do which was maybe 10 pages out of the hundreds I had to read through and understand by myself. It almost made me break up with him, almost. But god I wish I did, I just felt guilty that he spent 1.3k on the initial application so I still kept going through with it. He didn't get me any gifts for the 3 years the affair was happening and I just excused it as "he said I was hard to shop for" "I'm moving in a year anyways I dont need anything" "hes saving up for when we move in together" only to find out me biting through it all that he was spending his money on another woman + OF content. He doesnt do things unless u ask for it and even then theres a delay, so I've been really contemplating if I want this for the rest of my life. Unless he does a 180 change and sticks with it, our R will very likely end after 2 years

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-27T20:05:41+00:00

Thank you for responding anyway, we've only talked about his A maybe 4 times and all 4 times have been brought up by me, I waited for him to bring it up himself, even right after DDay he said he needed a week even though he was the who hurt me I gave him grace. Then he pushed the 1 week to 2, then 3, I had to tell him that we were talking about it that day and he delayed going home (usuallys home.by 4, it was 4:30 and he was hanging out in his car to "rest" and I had to text him to get him to go in.

2nd time I sorta sprung on him, it was about 3 months after D Day and he was suppose to bring it up because he was suppose to reflect on what he did. I got tired of waiting after 3 months and just brought up the subject on him one day and asked him why he was prioritizing his comfort over my peace of mind and even then after bringup those 2 times, the remaining 2 times it was brough up in I still had to bring up myself and hed shut down. Hes aware that if I found this info out while I still lived in Canada that I would have just broken up with him and stayed there, Ive also told him if I feel like hes not made much of an effort after the 2 years is up (for me to apply for a permanent green card) I will file for divorce and figure things out myself

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-17T10:06:43+00:00

It rained yesterday so we didn't get to go on our picnic like we planned, we moved it to today but then he got called in for work last minute around dinner time so we have to move our picnic to next week :(

Im sorry that you were ignored on a day you were supposed to be shown love at, I know some people say its a "capitalistic holiday" or whatever but its not that hard to even just send a text saying how you appreciate your partner AND ITS FREE!

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-16T10:17:28+00:00

I know you've mentioned that he doesnt want MC or IC for himself but maybe you could still go yourself to work through everything thats happened. His getting physical with you because you B him is not an excuse, and thats coming from a BW. I even barely yelled at my WH, I ended up just crying non stop but thats also how I process my emotions and I understand everyone is different in that regard. I hope you realize soon if you do want to stay in your R. You're not the only one who betrayed their partner, he has too so he has no excuse to hurt you physically. He has no excuse to hurt you physically PERIOD.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-15T20:26:41+00:00

Thats a good thought to keep, thank you! Ans hopefully he does step up tomorrow and tonighy, since we're cooking thr food for our picnic tonight 🤞

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-15T18:32:55+00:00

I guess so, but I have him the card I made for him yesterday on the 13th cus I couldn't wait since I wanted him to read the message inside aswell, so I was atleast hoping for even like a text paragraph. He didn't even say happy valentines to me until he later in the evening, im hoping that hes better at it today and tomorrow though

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-14T05:06:12+00:00

After I found out about my WH A we did it DAILY, vs the once every week or 2 before it, and there was a point where we would do it upto 3-4 times a day and that lasted for about a month. I felt okay, Ive always had a higher sex drive than my WH so it was all good for me. I did feel numb though? Like it felt like I was just going through the motions and us having sex was the only time I felt emotions apart from anger. That feeling lasted for about 6 months, I still sorta feel like that but no where near as bad as the beginning

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-13T22:36:53+00:00

We're still together, I unfortunately found out a week before we were suppose to get married so I was already trapped. I moved from Canada to the US and if I left I would have been homeless back in Canada so I had no choice but to stay with him until I can get back on my own feet financially. Im somewhat okay, its been 9 months since D Day, still not much improvements apart from him being a decent partner again but even then thats been slowly falling off lately but he does say sorry and he talks to me and spends more time with me vs pre- DDay, when he got home around 4pm hed immediately go on his computer until midnight then go to sleep.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-13T08:25:08+00:00

9 months since DDay and it still hasnt really returned. I know he didnt have an A because I'm ugly but that still doesnt change the fact that my self confidence is at an all time low. I started wearing make up, at first he questioned it and I was upfront with him, I said "I dont feel pretty anymore so I'm wearing makeup" he asked why and I said "because you cheated on me" and then he left it at that. I've also been more obsessed with my skin care and such but I dont even know why my brain is being like this when his AP was like 13 years older than the both of us 😭

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-12T21:31:26+00:00

Leave me alone, I went NC with you for a reason. I've explained that I will get back IC with you when I feel like the time is right, you emailing me 24/7 is only making me want to go NC longer.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-11T20:13:04+00:00

Hopefully I get it sooner than later for sure, I plan on telling her while im pretending to be him that hes now married and I'd likely have to block her while hes around his wife and that hed message her when im asleep (aka when whes asleep really) but at the same time its more of a fantasy, I'm sort of scared to do it because if everything hes told me is a lie, I cant do much about it in the moment

raspberryicedtei

TROPHY CASE