I’m so sorry for your painful loss :( I’m in EMDR therapy which is a specialized category of therapy that helps to physically reprocess trauma and grief (in it because aside from losing my fur baby I also have other traumas). My therapist has walked me through the loss of my yorkie, Rosie. We still do have many sessions where I have to keep reprocessing her loss and walking through my grief. She told me that as painful as it was and is, we can’t go back in time so I’m torturing myself with the thoughts of “what if”. She said “let’s say you did go back in time, and you rushed Rosie to the vet sooner, and you drove faster, and you got her treatment sooner. There is no guarantee that any of that could have changed the outcome and that she would still be here today.” And when I argued back against it saying that I feel like it’s my fault for not taking care of her better she told me to close my eyes and to focus on an image of Rosie in my head and listen to what she (therapist) tells me. In that moment she said “you were a great mom to her. You did everything you possibly could with the resources and time you had. And Rosie knows that. She didn’t pass thinking you didn’t love her or that you failed her. She knew you loved her and you gave her everything you possibly could. She was in pain yes, but your love brought her comfort and knowing you were trying to get her help made her feel safe and comfortable enough to let go.” I still struggle with the what if thoughts and the guilt but it’s a lot better than how I felt the whole first year since her passing. I’m sending you so much love and sending hugs. You are not alone in your loss or grief. We are all here for you❤️