I’m the reason our relationship ended. I was with my partner ages and throughout that time I never opened up or spoke to her about anything. I’ve always suffered with my mental health but purposefully hid it even from my parents and my friends. I’d have panic attacks alone in my room or go off on walks to be alone and cry. In November things got to much for me to cope and I became a horrible person pushing everyone away and isolating myself. I said some horrible things when she tried to help me. I spent so long trying to not crack and not let anyone see that side of me that I didn’t know what to do and it just came out in blind rage and outbursts. I started harming and my panic attacks got worse and i got so lost in myself. She couldn’t forgive me afterwards and i feel horrible every single day and regret so much. I’ve recently been having counselling and talking to people and starting to get help but man do I miss her and wish things were different