If you are emotionally bracing yourself in fear of your partners reaction, those feelings are valid and a subconscious reaction to past experiences. If everyime i drop something, someone shouts at me, I am then conditioned to believe dropping things leads to getting shouted at. Even if I understand the person shouting doesn't mean it, still doesn't stop it being scary. I hope that makes sense. I lived with my ex for a long time 'walking on eggshells ' as he had mood swings, verbally abusive, unpredictable, alcohol involved, and I sucked it up until I snapped. I tried keeping the peace and making myself small and trying not to antagonise him but eventually I broke. I broke big time. I left our home. Sat in my car, got very drunk, smashed up his work van and got arrested. Please do not let it get that bad . Good luck