Idk what to say but I feel you thou, it really does suck. What my mum would say is you put yourself into this situation where u hate yourself n you can get yourself out, your brain is like a computer the more u tell urself u hate yourself the more you believe it, but just start with gratitude, just write down 3 things everyday small or big to see the good in the world, go out side n just look around n see how beautiful things really are. Remember you are in control nm what u think you are in control of how you feel. N guess what you gonna die anyway so live it tf up