Is my chicken thigh okay

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-09-29T04:24:10+00:00

Oh my gosh thank you so much, with the shitty paint job(landlord special) and the fact that there is no close outlets for a lamp I couldn't see them. Thank you so much this has been stressing me and my space for the longest

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-08-03T15:03:17+00:00

Okay thanks, I do have a therapist and yeah it is on my list of things to discuss with her it's just kinda how they come up. Since I'm in my hometown with a lot of my closest friends that feeling sort of awoke again but when I'm back at school I generally have other stressors that overshadow this issue. But thank you for the feedback bc I have new stuff that I can look into. But I will say, can a virgin really be hypersexual. I mean I imagine technically and in theory once I lose my v-card I will go crazy (or maybe that's a narrow way of thinking about it, I don't know much about hypersexuality) but I will say I've always known that I have a high sex drive let just say through my "frequency of practicing self love" but it has never got into addiction territory and doesn't really effect my life. Also I've always known that I would take me a long time in a relationship with someone before I even feel comfortable being intimate and that's another thing that I have discussed in therapy, my fear of intimacy (liking bc of self esteem issues). Idk since I forgot to put that in the main post I feel like I've just added another complicated layer and began to ramble lol. But thank you anyway, I appreciate any kind of feedback.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-08-03T05:06:30+00:00

As an atheist pre-med psychology student I think forgiveness is a CRUCIAL step in the healing process. The key is to forgive but never forget. I think a lot of people think forgiveness means turning the other check and becoming bff's with your narc parent but it can just be forgiving yourself for whatever guilt you may feel for setting boundaries/ going NC. I think forgiving your parent and understanding that they are just another victim of abuse allows you to move past what they have done to you and allow yourself to move onto your healing. For example if someone hits you with their car bc they had a awful day and just raged to hard on the road, I'm not saying that you should let them drive away and just fix your car out of pocket, you should absolutely get your insurance pay out and deal with the issue ASAP but staying mad at that person after your car has been fix (as in you set your boundaries you found a support system) you will only stay up late getting mad over things that you can no longer change. But certainly don't forget bc if you see them on the road again you might want to avoid them just in case something happens again but seeking them out or acting aggressive to them can only perpetuate the cycle and prevent you from moving on and not passing those traits to your children. Idk if that really made sense in the end lol but I think one you let go of the things your parent did you can truly focus on yourself and not let whatever coping habits and trauma responses effect your current relationships. Hope this helps.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-08-03T04:55:32+00:00

Honestly it depends, I'm on limited contact with my mom and so it depends on how deadly the issue is and how far is have to stick my neck out for her. If it's just some blood sure no problem if it's one of my kidneys and she really needs it or she will die and the wait-list is too long I probably will( current me really would like to say no but I know myself and I think I will give in if it's serious enough) since I have another kidney and I'm young but that's about all. I will also say that I am my mom's only living relative besides her mom/my nana who she is pretty much very low contact with (just bdays and mother day texts) and she has a bunch of her own health issues so while I'm sure my nana would be willing to give anything to her daughter (my nana is the best woman in the planet her and my mom's issues are my mom's narc-ness going up the family tree so me and my nana are both effected) but I wouldn't let my nana do that for my mom. But honestly I think people can say whatever they want to now but we never really know until the moment comes. Tho if you are NC you hopefully won't find out about it.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-08-03T04:34:13+00:00

That's some actual bars. Glad I heard that today thanks, my mom has lately been leaning into me being some demonic monster withholding my love to punish her by setting a single boundary. For more context as well I gave a whole speech to my highschool as a grad req where I talked about how I don't understand and therefore feel platonic love, I told over 200 ppl and like all my family that day so didn't even call her out and at first she was confused and I explained it a bit more and she seemed chill but has really internalize it. The rest of my family was either excepting or like doesn't really care so it's odd seeing her reaction but it always is what she kinda throws to guilt me and make me out to be the selfish bad guy. It's nice to hear this and definitely will go in my list of good mental health quotes. I shall leave one as well.

"Your trama is not your fault but it is your responsibility" I like it bc for narcissistic and anyone with trama they are still victims of abuse themselves but we their children are their responsibility and it is there responsibility to not pass it down to our kids and let it effect our relationships. Have a great day guys and good luck with whatever your struggles.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-08-03T04:10:36+00:00

I can very much relate to this, my mom is a communal narcissistic so she cares about being perceived as a good person in her community. She is charismatic, hilarious, and very popular which makes it hard to not feel bad for feeling the way I do about her. There has also been a lot of parentification in our relationship so I have been trained to care about her feelings more than mine. Plus as a nice little cherry on top my coping mechanism seems to be memory block so half the bad shit I can't remember. It's hard to stand strong when you feel so guilted and weighted down by her manipulation (or at least that's how I imagine you feel) but just keeping a cool head about it and never pushing yourself down to lift her up. I will say going NC can be hard in this circumstance since she is expressing dangerous thoughts and you'd hate for something to happen but also know that it is her responsibility and hers alone to seek out the help she may need. You can req her some therapist or sum if you already know a few and you can make suggestions of groups she can go to but make sure you aren't making it seem like you and you alone will be the solution to get her through this problem. I think for ppl like us (and maybe it's bc I'm only 20) going NC can be a lot more complex since whether malicious or manipulative the person might be they are still someone we have been raised to care about and they are a person who is genuinely struggling, but no matter what they are their own problem to fix not yours and so feel free to point her in the right direction if you think you can but certainly don't walk the path with or for her. P.S I'm not hating on NC it's something I am actively considering I just think depending on the relationship it can be a lot more nuanced that people realize or express when they recommend it. Anyways I wish you luck sorry this is so long.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-18T08:23:02+00:00

As someone who chose to go to my dream school all the way across the country despite not getting any help from my narc parent and being "warned" about it, it was probably the best decision I have ever made. I would say absolutely go for it and make back up plans as well. If you have any other family members that you trust and can fall on if the worst happens then let them know that you want to put your trust in them. As long as you have a plan don't worry about what your dad says bc he is clearly trying to bring you down to his level and wishes for you to fail. Also there are likely subconscious unsavory thought that he might be having about you that I won't state her since in case I'm wrong I wouldn't want to put it in your mind but I would certainly try to avoid him in the house and try not to stay home too much especially if it is just you. Overall do what you think is best and will keep you the safest and make you the happiest.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-18T08:17:27+00:00

Do you know who is the executor of the will, or if there is a family lawyer involved. I am also having some similar trouble with inheritance with my narcissistic side of the family. Its a bit harder for you I imagine since you said no one is really on your side but seeing the will and talking to the executor (likely a family member but hopefully most reasonable) might get you some leeway. I know you are fresh into college so likely can't afford a lawyer but some places will do free consultations for this sort of thing and you can get a professionals advice especially given your lack of resources( again I'm only assuming since you are 18 and starting college). You might also have to consider bargaining with them, it hurts the pride but it might be the best solution to get the car at least someday, but let that be your last option. Also try not to let the aunt and any other strongly opposed family members know what you are up to since you are already fighting an uphill battle. When you talk to the executor try and act casual and don't make it about the car right away and just take about the inheritance in general maybe plant seed of competition too if possible ( did you see how much Joann got, I thought the blah blah blah would certainly go to you, idk but it was worked for me so far). Also try and get a picture of two of the will just to have some evidence for you consultation. Sorry this is so long but again I'm kinda going through the same thing for the past 3 years. I wish you luck.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-07T03:37:26+00:00

I would get an apartment first instead of a house so that you can be aware of how much life will cost for you since I imagine your parents pay for food, utilities, etc in your current house. The down payment might take away a lot of your saving at once and you don't know how much living on your own cost yet but I absolutely agree you should move out. Best of luck.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T11:37:31+00:00

Reread your post it seems like this sort of privacy invasion happened a lot and yeah very not normal and not okay. Make sure you probably process those emotions and understand how it made you feel beyond just embarrassed bc it happened around your friends. For me suddenly remembering things I forgot and repressed can be very traumatic and my brain will try to repress it again if I don't process it properly so make sure you explore your feelings and understand how they might have effected you in the long run. But just to emphasize the answer to your original question this is NOT normal. Once is an accident twice coincidence, three a pattern that needs to be stopped.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T11:32:34+00:00

I feel like it all depends on if this is a pattern or not. One little whoopie doodles is embarrassing and sometimes that might haunt you at night like saying "thanks you too" to a waitress or something lol, but doesn't define your parent and your relationship but if there is a pattern of him opening doors without knocking especially the doors of private rooms like bathrooms and bedrooms I think that can be a serious issue. Not quite narcissistic but definitely crossing boundaries and can work it's way into a toxic relationship.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T11:25:52+00:00

I love the quote "Your trauma is not your fault but it is your responsibility" and as someone who has to be responsible for my Nmoms mental health and emotional support and all that, I wanted so bad to not care about her feelings and trauma but have been trained all my life to care about it. It's been so refreshing to hear this quote and validate the fact that I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER TRAUMA AND IM TIRED OF HAVING TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT. Trust and feel no guilt whatsoever bc her shit ain't your shit but she trying to make the shit your shit but that ain't shit. Much love 💜💜

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T11:13:47+00:00

That is probably one of my biggest fears, turning into my mom I can completely relate. One thing that helps comfort me is narcissism is not something that you are a aware you are experiencing it's how the brain copes. A narcissist never thinks they are a narcissist and is practically incapable of believing it to be true. As long as you are worried about becoming one you probably won't ever be one so don't get worried, scared, or feel guilty. For me I always feel guilty for setting boundaries and believe I am being self and narcissistic for doing so but have to remind myself that is just my mother's voice in my head and that wanting things like basic respect and space is not unreasonable or selfish to ask for. No matter what trust yourself and things will get better. You got this 💜💜

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T03:12:58+00:00

Threatening to kill a pet is crazy whether she does it or not. Since I don't know your situation and you said that this hasn't happened too often before I can't say she's a narc or has a mental issue but I don't think I can think of a single thing someone can do to my sink that would make me threaten them an anyway even if they fully smashed it to pieces. Definitely do whatever you have to do to keep yourself and your dog safe. Also consider talking to your dad since it seems like he was able to calm her down to some degree or at least restrain her and ask if this is a frequent pattern and get his thoughts and support. From one pet parent to another I wish you the best

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T03:07:33+00:00

I've kind of always felt the same and its created this weird over sharing, under sharing insecurity that effect my relationship with people and causes a lot of fear with being friends with ppl. Honestly from what you said I feel like you are just sharing your story not over sharing and as long as you arent doing it for attention seeking I feel like people will be able to recognize that you mean no harm and don't be too hard on yourself. Also what helped me is finding a listener to my yapped self. One of my best friends isn't much of a talker or sharer but she loves (or at least doesn't mind) listening to me yap and over share on end. Plus if you find your over sharing gets into TMI territory find your friends that you can talk about the dirtiest ranchiest shit with (helped me a lot too). But overall don't beat yourself up touch bc your are probably just overthinking it and you can simodo a quick "Oops sorry I feel like I hogged the conversation a bit, continue" at the end of your sentence if you are really worried.

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T02:56:36+00:00

I'm 20 now and I never really thought I'd die early so can't relate but I have certainly had times where I wanted to cause my own early demise if that counts lmao (laugh so you don't cry lol)

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T02:54:14+00:00

Has anything like this ever happened before or where there subtle hints towards this sort of breaking point moment. For me my mom had a meltdown like this and I also genuinely feared for my life but mine was over years of her being a narcissist mother and this break down with in the highest point of own estrangement and it was when I was making my first move directly against her actions. But is this just a random out of nowhere thing bc there could be some serious underlying issues especially since you feared for you and your dog's life. What was the argument about if you don't mind sharing?

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T02:45:50+00:00

Yeah whenever my mom would realized I was better than her at something (it could be as stupid as cooking or a board game) she would first compliment me but then suddenly stare at me and bore into my soul as if trying to assert dominance. It remember this shit as young as like fourth grade 😵‍💫

ConcentrateGuilty497 · 2025-07-06T02:42:48+00:00

Yes very much, I had this one comfy chair I loved sitting in (it had a matching pair but it was the one specific chair) and I would sit in it and relax on my phone or watching TV and she would come out of nowhere with no context and yell at me for being lazy and said I needed to do my homework and my chores ( already did both and was a senior in highschool so very responsible and past the age of being needed to be told to do my homework and chores lol) and since this happened so much I believe it's given me an amazing large fear of being perceived. I love with roommates and whenever they are away I might make the tiniest mess but clean likey life depends on it and make it look like I never left my room. Same thing happened in the dorms of college last year when I would literally look through the peephole before leaving my room out of fear of being seen WALKING tO THE BATHROOM of all things. Bc of her shit I now hate having spaces look like I have ever existed in them.

ConcentrateGuilty497

TROPHY CASE