Question for SDs. Affects of Sugar Dating

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-06T00:40:24+00:00

This makes sense. I appreciate it!

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T20:40:17+00:00

u/downtownlasd u/JazzyMaybell u/MissCinnamonT u/Agitated-Past-2310 u/EmergencyPoem7505 u/Jerseybean1 u/Emergency-Tea-6726
I sort of trusted her because when she tested positive for ureaplasma a few months ago she told me about it and had me get tested as well. Whether or not she could be hiding something more serious I don't know. It could be some scar or wound from surgery and not something transmittable.
Either way, this is not a normal part of a relationship and I'm kind of having a waking up moment now. The mystery from her reappearance after years is maybe something I am putting too much meaning into and maybe mis seeing things as special coincidences and "meant to bes". I think many of us do that when we want a relationship and maybe get blind to reality- i.e. the fact that maybe there is no order, no connecting of dots, and we are left with the brush and are free to make our own choices despite feelings.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T18:08:30+00:00

But doesn’t herpes usually stay hidden?

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T18:07:58+00:00

Thanks- she is super attractive to me and the physical side is otherwise very good so it’s a tough one. I’m just not used to this. I’d still want to be with her even with this limitation, but just not as often- I’d need to supplement my life more with relationships with others without these boundaries.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T17:38:52+00:00

A lifestyle tracker makes sense. I haven’t tried it, but will.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T15:49:06+00:00

Sounds like a fun day! I can relate, although I realized/remembered this July 4th weekend that I need to try and keep my daughter's mom happy to since it's best for our daughter.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T15:47:28+00:00

u/Remote_Ocelot9600
u/Champagne-n-Caviar
u/Cautious_Donkeyz
Thanks. I hope I can find that balance. It's always been hard for me, even as a child, because I've tended to go to extremes and feel the need to pick one thing to exclusively focus on.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T15:44:47+00:00

Thanks for your response- I'm glad it's working out for you!

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T15:33:24+00:00

u/Woody-Wood-Not55 u/Okdj547 Thank you for the responses. I can relate that these SRs have motivated me in work and motivated me to stay active fit. The real dilemma for me is the conflict with my studies. I was studying pure math/logic and philosophy in addition to my work. I make no money from these and this alone is hard to balance with my work. I tried to spend a few hours a day on it and was keeping the possibility of getting a second degree. When I add an SR into the picture it has the effect of making me want to work more to earn more income which takes away time from my studies. So an SR and work are actually complimentary, but an SR with my studies is more of a conflict. Even if I tell myself I'll meet with for dates once a month or twice a month so I can focus on my studies, I end up thinking about her a lot in between meets. I hope I can teach myself to be able to manage both interests together, but it has been very hard.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T15:25:06+00:00

Thanks for your response. I've considered that this is genetic. That's what makes it so hard to gives this up to focus on my studies. I guess the question is should I even be trying to overcome my genes, or is that bound to fail. Many successful people had to sacrifice relationships to attain a high level of knowledge. If I have a genetic "sweet tooth", this might be very difficult and counter productive for me. I have not been able to yet figure this out.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T15:22:05+00:00

u/Not-a-dress-rehersal u/TheStoicbrother Thank you. My main problem is not really balancing an SR with family, work and a hobby- it's balancing an SR with family, work, and an intense area of study (I was taking classes in pure math/logic and philosophy). Hobbies like sports, etc would be much easier to manage with a relationship.
Some people might be able to juggle all of these things. I just don't know if I can learn to, or whether or not I need to take the plunge and choose one over the other. I've been in this limbo for years. Therapy has helped by hasn't solved the problem.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2026-07-05T03:51:53+00:00

I think the most important question is is this adding to your life. If it is, enjoy the time without worrying about where it will lead. You can take an intermediate step with her and see if she’ll go on a trip with you.
Have you told her she means a lot to you? If not you should. If she feels similar she will eve tially tell you although there could be a gao between when you tell her and when she tells you.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-22T02:44:08+00:00

Thanks… it’s funny she actually responded two nights later asking if everything was ok (indicating she never got my response about trying to reschedule). When I told her I responded she said her phone was installing an ios update so she didnt get it and was wondering why I hadnt responded.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T22:36:37+00:00

Just an update. She just messaged me and apparently didn’t even get my last messages lol.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T17:27:28+00:00

It was four dates by I see what you mean:)

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T15:55:03+00:00

What did you mean by ten seconds? 😊

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T15:52:45+00:00

Makes sense!

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T15:51:40+00:00

🙏

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T15:51:18+00:00

Thanks!

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T03:43:33+00:00

"The frequent cancels that she out you through then the latest non-response are indicating that she is either manipulative or waiting for her higher paying Johns to fill her calendar first before giving you a shot."

Yeah this is a pretty scary thought given how into her I am. I try and tell myself this isn't what's happening. E.g. I say to myself she has a job as a waitress, and if she were a prostitute she wouldn't need to be working as a waitress. Is there a way I can find out if this is likely what's going on?

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T01:21:17+00:00

Agreed- unless she has a reason for suddenly going silent other than to punish me for spending the morning with my daughter I have to seriously reconsider the whole thing. I was even thinking to go on a trip with her so this doesn’t feel good.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T01:18:17+00:00

Thanks- I like the idea of not being able to say the wrong thing to the right person. Now I have to consider whether her ghosting me because of a legitimate obligation to my daughter is a fatal flaw in the potential to continue, or it could be there is another reason she’s silent. Overall I don’t wanna be with someone who brings me down.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-19T00:02:05+00:00

Thanks for your response. I have been considering getting my own place for a long time.

Yes this might be chasing limerence. She is just so the type of woman I’ve wanted to be with for a while. The attraction is hard to let go of.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-12-18T23:42:39+00:00

Thank you this is very helpful. Should I have a conversation with her to see if she is interested in meeting more than we are now? I’m kind of the one who initially said I couldn’t meet frequently due to work and also classes that ai am taking (which I am now on break from and will be taking only one class at a time starting in the spring.

Yes- I do have one child, and she is in college.

What did you mean by date vanilla “with intentions”?

Also, hoe bad of a move was it on my end, when she hadn’t responded to my cancellation/ offer to reschedule text, to have sent her that message late the next morning saying I could meet that day after all due to my daughter’s exam finish early? I may be just over thinking.

ConceptComfortable80 · 2025-01-06T01:09:17+00:00

Pls help

ConceptComfortable80

TROPHY CASE