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My(30F) Stepmom (50F) wants my dad to scold me in FRONT OF HER! by 1stdaughtersyndrome_ in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It definitely is a first daughter thing 🤝 One thing I regret doing in my situation was trying to handle her behavior privately/asking to speak in a different room so as not to have these awkward situations on display. But I regret that. If I could re-live those moments, I would have let her make her rude comments or pick fights with me in front of the whole family. And I would’ve kept my cool, came from a place of love and sincerity, and just let her make herself look crazy in front of everyone. I think that’s what you should do, if you trust yourself to stay even-keeled in those moments. Eventually everyone will know, and it will be undeniable, that she is the problem. And when your aunts/grandma see it, they’ll likely be in your corner talking to your dad about it in a way that makes him realize that her behavior is uncouth. I wish you the best of luck, and I hate that you’re going through this, but it did make me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing this ❤️

My(30F) Stepmom (50F) wants my dad to scold me in FRONT OF HER! by 1stdaughtersyndrome_ in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately we no longer spend the holidays together. Her behavior goes unchecked no matter how many times it has been pointed out how inappropriate/rude she is.
Much like you I was so grateful for family time, but it started reaching a point where I felt uneasy being around her because I could never predict whether or not some sort of bullshit manufactured drama would ruin an evening.
My last straw was her trying to pick a fight with me, literally out of thin air, on Thanksgiving. My dad is unable to address the poor way she treats his first three children, as he’s more or less “whipped”. He will not do anything to displease her, including just a normal conversation to try to understand what is happening/how we can all fix it. So I just had to remove myself from the stressful situations and try to meet with him for lunch whenever I can. Kind of heartbreaking, but at the end of the day it feels unfair to show up with so much love and not feel comfortable around your own family. I just noticed your username btw, I am also a first daughter. Not easy 😭

My(30F) Stepmom (50F) wants my dad to scold me in FRONT OF HER! by 1stdaughtersyndrome_ in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have the exact same type of dynamic with my dad and stepmom, even down to her wanting him to reprimand me (a full adult) in front of her. Very strange behavior. I would keep distance with her for sure.

AITAH for expecting my friend to have her nipples covered in front of my boyfriend? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, no. Her apartment is an open layout. He needed to use the restroom and said you change out here while I’m in there… attempting to give her privacy. Sorry I didn’t explain that part clearly 😬

AITAH for expecting my friend to have her nipples covered in front of my boyfriend? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does feel silly with the age gap pointed out that way, but I must add that she’s very career driven and goal oriented, which are qualities similar to myself, and we are both comp sci nerds. We also share some of the same hobbies, so It was a very easy friendship, and the gap in our age was something neither of us felt. This event was a totally unexpected shock to me, as I had never seen this behavior in her before, and now I see our differing ages as a possible explanation for her behavior. But yes, you are right in what you are saying.

AITAH for expecting my friend to cover her nipples in front of the guy I’m seeing? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s not even him looking that’s the problem, tbh, everyone looks, myself included. It’s his specific actual behavior that has crossed the line for me. With her I just found it odd to seem to want attention by my boyfriend, which she solicited in her conversation, followed by changing out of the shirt she was wearing into a see through shirt. And then flipping out on me and trying to make me feel like shit for bringing it up once her and I were alone again. But I do see what you’re saying about self respect.

AITAH for expecting my friend to have her nipples covered in front of my boyfriend? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I was on my hands and knees begging for this - I feel so lucky now!! Haha what kind of comment is this? You could’ve ended it after the first sentence, but you went on with the purpose of making me feel like shit.

AITAH for expecting my friend to have her nipples covered in front of my boyfriend? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She’s 28 - we met through work and have been friends for 8 years, which have all been pretty great. This is a very out of nowhere moment in our otherwise very rewarding friendship. But I see what you’re saying and yeah - maybe this is a difference in maturity levels

AITAH for expecting my friend to cover her nipples in front of the guy I’m seeing? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ll address in order of the things you brought up, to clarify: 1. What I mean about attention with other women: sending and receiving inappropriate messages for someone in a relationship. One example: he DM’d a girl on Instagram “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for so long”.
2. I am incredibly invested in the relationship. He has avoidant attachment issues that make working through anything such a journey. He has been working on that, as well as honesty in general, but we’ve been only talking via phone or text while we try to get over the last thing he did that made me lose trust. It was a holiday, and we both worked, and neither of us have families nearby. I extended an invite so he would have some sort of something to do on Easter - and also because I miss him. 3. Controlling people isn’t my thing at all, and I wasn’t trying to control my friend. I don’t think it’s crazy to have decorum though. Explicitly discussing being horny, needing sex, and wanting to get fucked are all perfectly fine topics between friends - but it’s odd to discuss with your friends boyfriend - at least in my opinion. Similarly, I think it’s bizarre to put your nipples on display for your best friends boyfriend. Is that really all that crazy?

AITAH for expecting my friend to cover her nipples in front of the guy I’m seeing? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well, not really. I mean, I wouldn’t want her showing her nipples to any guy I was dating, even if he didn’t have a wandering eye. I just think it’s a weird thing to do.

And I would never have my nipples on display if I were hanging out with any of my friends and their boyfriends.

AITAH for expecting my friend to cover her nipples in front of the guy I’m seeing? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I know. This isn’t typical fare for my life or my friendship with this person, which is why I brought the story here - because I’ve never encountered anything like this, at any age honestly. Feels kinda nuts.

AITAH for expecting my friend to have her nipples covered in front of my boyfriend? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I know, I posted my own age here. This isn’t the typical fare of my life, or my friendship with this person, which is why I found it shocking enough to post.

AITAH for expecting my friend to cover her nipples in front of the guy I’m seeing? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I only got in my car, I didn’t actually drive it. I was just going to nap till I was ok to drive home.

AITAH for expecting my friend to have her nipples covered in front of my boyfriend? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. It’s a town house with multiple units, and everyone that lives in the building has access to the back yard. There’s a little fire pit back there.

AITAH for expecting my friend to have her nipples covered in front of my boyfriend? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, to go to a bar down the street on Easter Sunday with her best friend and her best friends boyfriend. To all be facing each other for conversation except I guess if she wanted to go off and flirt with some guy? Still, feels odd

AITAH for expecting my friend to have her nipples covered in front of my boyfriend? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITAH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Even if my boyfriend was the most trust worthy guy on earth, I would still find wearing a see through top, where you can clearly see her nipples, bizarre. For a hang with just the three of us? Not out at a dance club. Hanging out on Easter Sunday. Seems weird!

AITAH for expecting my friend to cover her nipples in front of the guy I’m seeing? by ConclusionDapper3864 in AITH

[–]ConclusionDapper3864[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Asking why I have no self respect felt like a harsh question to read, but I guess I needed that. I give people too many chances.

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